A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys.You see, at the start of this academic year, all of my friends went off to college while I stayed at school for sixth form. I knew straight away that they would all make new friends and I was fine with that, but it's getting to the point where I'm starting to feel jealous that they get to see them everyday and I rarely see them at all. I feel like they're all forgetting about me as I can't even remember the last time we had a real conversation.And honestly; I'm starting to feel very lonely and unwanted. The worst part was my birthday. I sent them all a group message asking them if they wanted to meet up for a meal on my birthday. All my closest friends said they were busy working. Then the night we was meant to go out came along, I checked on social media and saw they were all at the cinema or bowling with their new friends.I try messaging them occasionally and if I see on facebook that they're upset or something then I offer myself as a person to talk to but they end up talking to their other friends. These are people who I've been friends with for the majority of my education during secondary school. So I guess the real question isAm I the problem or is it them?
View related questions:
facebook, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 February 2015):
 there is not a problem. they have moved on with the next stage of their lives and you have not yet.
once you go off to school it will change for you too...
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (19 February 2015):
 There's no problem as such, it's just that your friendship with these people has run its course. Friends come and go, and these have gone. Time to make some new friends. Is there no-one in your sixth form you get on well with?
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 February 2015):
 I am not even sure it is a problem. It's just how things work-ot's one of those annoying things that feel a bit unpleasant and disappointing in the moment, and that you have to handle with your own resources, enlarging YOUR circle of friends, interests and social aquaintances and / or learning to enjoy more your own company.
Young people do branch out if they can ( as your friends could ) , love to experiment new things, new people, and are easy to get very involved into anything new just because it's new. It seems your friends are moving on with their life but this does not mean that they are bad people, nor that there is anything wrong with you. It's a natural process and I suppose that when you'll have the chance to evolve and change, also in tastes and kind of people you want to be with, you'll do the same . Although of course this process of moving on and diversifying social interests varies widely in speed and extent for each person.
This does not mean that you can't ever make " true " friends to last you a lifetime. I am still great , close friends with two people I met over 40 years ago . Other two date back around 25 years. But, it's a rarity, an exception copared the scores of people who have come and gone, and with whom I have shared a PART of my life path so far.
So enjoy the memories of what you have had together, reach out occasionally if you wish, and keep the friendship door open for them to come back if you think it's worth it. But do not cling. Do not chase or force anything. Life motion is always forward, never backward.
...............................
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (18 February 2015):
 Please try not to worry.
I remember being your age & what a wonderful time of my life that was! Great memories of my youth!
I have a son, not much older than you & may i tell you something.
You are so young, just starting your young adult life, so much ahead of you, so much to learn, so impressionable.
It's hard to hear me say this, but try not to worry too much about your friends.
You are all going to go in different directions, no matter how much you didn't really wish for that to occur.
It is all part of the growing up process & different teens go down different avenues, once high school is over.
I used to hang out with over 10 best mates on any week.
I too, went through what you went through, so i feel your pain.
Today, now in my 30s, i only chat with approx 2 or 3 high school buddies, which is nice, but more importantly, i survived & i'm still here! haha
The harsh fact is, as you get older, as your life moves along & changes, so too, are your friends lives too.
They may be feeling the same as you do, but maybe they find it harder to put into words, or maybe they've just moved on & they've for whatever reason, not given you as much time as they once did.
I know it's hard @ your age & i suspect it may even hurt a little, but do believe me when i say, the best friendships of your life will always remain true, if they were true to begin with.
Also, you will make even bigger/better, truer & more solid, sincere friendships as you age, believe it or not.
Why don't you try to focus on your own life for now, don't run to your friends, don't text, email, skype, don't do anything for them. If they truly care about you, they will make an effort too, won't they?
It's not all about them, it's about all of you, working as a team, as mates.
If that cannot be accomplished, then what do you & your friends really have? You have to ask youself this question.
Don't even feel down about it, it's not worth your while.
Simply, get on with your life, do things that make you happy, make new friendships if you have to.
Try talking to your parents, if you connect well with one or either of them.
Talk to a family member that you trust & love. This may really surprise you!
Don't go it alone, if you can't. At your tender age, you require lots of support & love.
I wish i could sit down with you face to face & chat, but we are far apart & i can only wish you well via this msg.
I too, am a Mother & my son went through similar issues. He is older than you now, he's @ Uni & doing really well.
He has survived & he is happy! You will too, but please believe in yourself & the fact that you are not the source of any problem.
This friendship concern that you have, has nothing to do with you, or with your friends believe it or not.
It is just what is. You're all growing up, going down different life paths & that's ok.
Let it roll the way it's supposed to & if they want you to ba a part of their lives, 1 or some of them, will surely contact you.
If i can leave you with a bit of mature, yet friendly advice.
In your life, you will go through many ups & downs, but what is the key here is not what happens to each of us, but how we deal with these issues as they arise.
Sometimes we cannot handle things alone & that's when it is highly advisable to seek the help of a professional, or to talk to a person that we love & trust.
Don't ever walk alone, if you feel overwhelmed & cannot cope.
Ask & you shall receive. Good or bad, it's true!
Be positive, be happy, be strong, bec you're young & you have the upper hand here!!
Life is to be enjoyed, no matter what & your friends are the ones missing out, if they choose not to include you in their respective activities.
It's quite simply, their loss, bec you're a great friend, a great person, a great catch!!
Believe in the power of yourself! :-)
Good luck & please keep me posted.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2015): Neither of you are a problem. Your friends have moved-on and you're still in the same place. You've tried and tried and they make excuses. That means their friendship lasted as long as they were where you are. Now they're somewhere else, and have made other friends.
Don't fault yourself or let it make you feel bad. People grow-up and move on. It happens to everybody, sooner or later. My best friends from high school promised we'd always keep in-touch. We all went away to different colleges and universities; and we may see each other only at the high school reunion. Our lives grew apart.
You are a very loyal person. That is a wonderful trait. So am I. Once I make a friend, it's for good. I have friends I've known as long as 30 years. None happen to be my school-mates! I do keep in-touch with most of my friends I made in college. We are in the same professions and participate in alumni activities, and contribute time and money to our alma mater (the school we graduated from). We all serve on committees. That gave us more reason to stay friends after graduation.
The good news is, your old friends will start to feel nostalgic and will eventually miss you. They will trickle back, one by one. In the meantime; allow yourself to be open to new friendships.
More than likely, you've ignored other people trying to be nice to you; because you missed the friends you already had.
If you keep doing that, you'll be very lonely. So try your best to be friendly with some new people, and you just may find someone as sweet and loyal as you are! I really understand how you feel. Nobody knows you like your old friends.
...............................
|
