A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure if I've ever had an orgasm. Everything I read and everyone I talk to always says "you'll just know if you have one." I'm sick of hearing that because it doesn't help me at all. I'd like to know for sure if I'm having one. I'm genuinely confused about this and it's extremely frustrating and embarrassing not knowing how to answer when my boyfriend asks me if I've had one. I don't think I've ever had one, but my ex has told me I squirted on him before. I'm not real sure if thats the same thing or not? I don't remember feeling anything before he told me I did this, but he was wearing a shirt and there was something on it that wasn't there before he went down on me. I masturabted the other day and, although I didn't physically feel any heightened pleasure, I ended up "projecting" a lot of clear, almost gel-like substance. I looked it up to see what had happened and I asked my boyfriend about it, but I'm still confused. Other times, not always though, when I masturabte, I get real tense and tighten up (especially in my legs), then I leak this thin, clear fluid that has a mild smell of urine. Before the fluid comes out, I don't really feel the "explosive, mind shattering, toe curling" feeling everyone associates with an orgasm. It feels good, but it's not intense throughout my entire body. After the fluid comes out, my legs and vagina have a pulsating feeling to them. Are your legs supposed to do this after you have an orgasm? How does the body react to one? How do you know if you've even had one? Does it sound like I'm having them and I just don't realize what's going on? Is that even possible? I really need this cleared up. I've done so much research on this and I'm tired of getting open ended, unhelpful information that leaves me just as confused as I was when I started in return.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 February 2015):
 Agreed... if you have to ask you haven't had one.
truth be told I was having them when I was too young to know what they are.. I called them "the tickle"
and as I've aged i've learned there are BIG tickles and little tickles...
I have 'squirted' once in my life... I did not orgasm when I did. so they are two different things.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2015): The liquid you release not nesessesarulu means you have orgazm. Smell of urine, hmm, it shouldn't be unless you pee at the same time.
There should be contraction of your vagina muscles when you orgazm. What you described with your legs sounds like orgazm. Orgazm can also vary in strength. Some are more powerfull than others.
But the expressin you will now when you have it is very true. It's kindof explosive, and can't be mistaken for anything. Then you don't want to have sex anymore after this. If you still have a desire for sex to continue than it was not an orgazm.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 February 2015):
 Sure , orgasms vary in intensity and " symptoms " but from what you describe I doubt you had one . An orgasm is accompanied by involuntary contractions of vaginal muscles , which may be strong or just a flutter, anyway they are quite " local " and distinctive.
Squirting is not linked to orgasms in females, it may happen independently. ( Well, I have heard that actually men too may have " dry " orgasms, but let's not complicate things ).
And, " if you have to ask if you had an orgasm, then you did not have one " may be cliche' nevertheless is true.
Like, a sneeze is a sneeze, big or small,light or strong- and when you have sneezed you know it, you do not wonder if it was a sneeze, or an hiccup or an itch.
Try to just be in the moment, and enjoy your sensations without over-analyzing things - orgasms are capricious, elusive little beasts:)- the more you chase after them, the more they will escape you...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2015): As annoying as it sounds I agree you will know when it happens unless you have built it up so much to being this ridiculous thing that when it happened you weren't that impressed. But it feels amazing and you want to feel like that again and again it's kinda addictive. But everyone is different so e enjoy sex mire or less than others I agree that the intensity can vary from mind numbing to just a pulse wave for me the longer foreplay build up excitement the more intense it will be. The feeling can sometimes be shocking and intense so women stop cause they are afraid they might pee or the sensation just freaks them out. Best way I can explain is its like a pulsing feeling in your vagina and it's like a burst of euphoric feeling like a wave through your body starting down then and moving through your body to you head. Sometimes you can get good feeling and pulses leading up to one but for an orgasm it builds up to an explosion wave feeling but doesn't last too long but women can go again and again afterwards so that's great :) I find it a bit similar to the feeling of ecstacy tablets or like the wave you get when your super excited or happy but a lot more intense. I imagine you don't do drugs so that example might be pointless just thought I'd mention it.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 February 2015):
 You will have a feeling of release and most people get very hypersensitive right afterwards. An orgasm almost always has rhythmic PC muscle contractions that happen without your control. For women ejaculation and orgasm are not linked in the same way as for men and it often happens separately. So I wouldn't use that as a marker. Just keep trying, you'll get there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2015): If you are not sure then you haven't.
The best way to describe it is that it is a release.
You build up a lot of tension during the sexual act and at one point you reach a very distinctive moment where it is the 'climax' of the build up and after the climax you become less tense and less sensitive. Your body literally let's go and you feel weightless.
The orgasm itself is like an itch that is being scratched right where it's most itchy. It's pretty intense, so much so that it feels different from the rest of the session.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 February 2015):
 Even if you're sick and tired of hearing it. if you have to ask, then you HAVEN'T had an orgasm. You just got to believe this. You KNOW, definitely, without doubt, when you're orgasming. It's a VERY distinct feeling that does NOT happen any other time.
So no, you've never had an orgasm. Doesn't mean you never will, but you haven't had one so far. Keep masturbating, it'll happen one day. And even if it doesn't, it is still pleasurable to have sex and to masturbate. The orgasm is not necessary for a good sex life/sexual satisfaction.
Sounds to me like you've been squirting, which for some women is common, is just ejaculation. Men can (and do) ejaculate without orgasms as well, which is why people always recommend you wear condoms during the entire intercourse, because ejaculations without orgasms happen ALOT with guys. I had an ex who ejaculated plenty as soon as he just got turned on, which made sex so easy as I didn't need to lubricate at all. Then I've had boyfriend who were completely dry until they orgasmed and then ejaculated. Im just saying this so you'll understand that a woman can also ejaculate without having an orgasm, since it sounds to me like this is what you are doing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2015): Everybody IS different.So every orgasm IS different from person to person too. And they are different types of orgasms too in my opinion-mild/strong/ect.I think you might have, but you were so concentrated on technicalities (muscles/vibrations/tensing/liquids) and trying to work out whether it's actually happening or not that you forgot to ENJOY it so that it can actually happen.My advice: RELAX and ENJOY.If it helps you: I was the opposite of you. I always thought I had orgasms and I was receiving intense pleasure/ that muscle/vibration/tensing thing you describe and a feeling of achieving/hitting a certain spot+release.It turns out (for ME) I was wrong. So wrong. When it actually happened during intercourse I kinda realised in the middle of it/after it-you know how? I realised that I had NO CONTROL over it whatsoever. I couldn't make it come/go. It just happened. I had no control over my muscles (down there...completely lost it)+ lost feeling in nerve endings (as in: if a truck hit me at that moment I probably would not have been able to feel it).Furthermore,I lost control of my fingers/toes. As I said,I only realised that I had afterwards-how you ask? My toes/fingers had curled up in the weirdest/freakiest shape I've ever seen them in (no shape you can humanly put them in) and it was actually very painful to try and get them back into their normal place/shape and I had to do it very,very slowly... Very annoying. And painful.So in this particular case (orgasm) :I never had ANY control whatsoever over it or my body. It was almost like very momentary,brief out of body experience. Now this only happened once in the past 10 years and hasn't happened since.I still think I orgasm they are just different orgasms (I have more control/can make myself come).So in conclusion: no person is the same. And no orgasm is the same.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 February 2015):
 For men, orgasms are straightforward and the same every time. They can achieve orgasm too by way of prostate massage. For women, there are different degrees of orgasm you can rate from 1-10. I honestly don't care about it. Orgasms can be pleasurable waves on your clit or on your G spot. Sometimes you have whole body orgasm and it shakes.
I had men tell me they orgasmed without ejaculating. We are all different and there is no right way to come. I would just tell the boyfriend not to fixate so much on it. Orgasm is overrated. I have sex for a connection, not for a release that many young men need.
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