A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Here is my dilemma. I dated a man one year ago. I was the one to ask him out for coffee. We ended up really clicking and dated for six months. We kept our relationship a secret because my kids knew each other. Didn't really have any major problems, until we got to the bedroom. He ended up with a problem with ED. We even tried three different times with no success. I decided to break things off and he asked me to get back together. We did, but then for a month he pulled away from me and broke up with me. He has a weight problem so I suggested it may be health reasons. He told me it never happened with either of his other serious relationships. He has been married twice. We still see each other on a regular basis. Are affectionate to the point of hugging hello and goodbye. Meet for lunch and talk for two hours. He has also helped me with a few things around my house along with other behaviors. I suggested us getting back together(twice) and he tells me that we broke up because of the lack of chemistry and I'm not the woman for him. I feel as if he is afraid of what happened and has decided to blame it on chemistry to just ignore the problem. He is trying to lose weight and has lost 25 lbs. While we were together he would always tell me how important I was to him and how everything felt so right. I have a hard time believing after all that he doesn't feel that way towards me. He will also do things like make me jealous which he did very soon after our breakup when he brought a woman to a party he knew I was coming to. He only dated her a few times he told me. He also set me up that I'm the only one coming to an event he invited a lot of people to. I had a weeks notice, while everyone had only an hour or two. I have tried dating and met about a dozen men over the last year, but I haven't clicked with anyone like I did him. I did date another man for about three months and we broke up. He told me the main reason was that he thought I was still hung up on the other guy. I have decided not to date for a while and he told me quite a while back that he has decided not to date. I saw him at a party yesterday and we did visit for a while. We get along so well and I really like and respect him as a person. I still think he has feelings for me. When he gives me a hug he holds me a little longer than when he hugs his other friends. I ran into him at a restaurant the other day he was halfway out the door and still asked me for a hug. Is he just being nice? Sending me mixed signals? Or really interested, but afraid to communicate it to me? He has been married twice. The first marriage his wife turned out to be gay (after about three years) and the second ended with her affair (after being together 15 years). When we started dating he had only been divorced about a year. I'm thinking with what had happened in his past relationships and with ours he is just afraid and has decided to just give up. I have decided to try and forget him. It is hard, but that is what I have to do. I also have decided not to date for a while so I can give myself space to heal. Should I leave any hope that we will get together someday? Or am I just fooling myself. I just feel the connection we had doesn't come around everyday. I didn't feel that strongly for my ex-husband. I have been told I have a lot going for me too. I'm cute, have a great figure (work out 4-5 days a week), am smart and funny. I would appreciate any advice. Thanks.
View related questions:
affair, broke up, divorce, get back together, jealous, lose weight, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (5 July 2010):
 I think it would be a good idea to have a real good think about this man and what you want from him.
Do you want a lasting relationship from him?
Are you prepared to work through any issues he has with ED?(Its really common in older man and can happen quite suddenly and can have emotional connotations)
You broke up with him before because of the ED and that will have been a massively huge HIT for him. Im actually not surprised that hes acting confused and giving mixed signals...he sounds like he still has feelings for you...but is he going to face rejection again if he has further erectile problems?
You need to decide what you can offer him. You obviously get on well together but that doesn't guarantee a lifetime of happiness. You have to work on a relationship everyday and build trust slowly over time...so you have a lot of mending to do. I know you've faced rejection from him yourself, when you asked him to get back with you and he said no...but I think there is more between the lines...and you can see it.
Write to him or see him face to face...lay your cards on the table, don't try to skirt round issues, be direct and tell him exactly how you feel. Do you love him?...if you do you need to tell him and you need to mean it completely!
If you want to be with him for the rest of your life then tell him...Men like to know exactly where they stand...they arnt good at deciphering codes or subtleties.
Be honest and spell it out for him. Then give him time to digest it and come to a conclusion (and I do mean lots of time) Don't call or badger him for a quick answer. If you set out to be direct, he will totally see where your coming from and he will think deeply about it.
He will either come back...r he will say no...either way you will have your answer and will be able to either begin your life with him...or move on.
|
