A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I recently dated a woman who is also dating another man. Mutual friends of her and the other man set them up. I asked her to explain her current situation because i was unsure why after 3 months she would be dating someone in addition to him. She said she wasn't sure he was the guy for her. I think she's great. What should I do and do I have a shot at overcoming the mutual friends hook-up? I just felt the pressure to stay with him would be too much for her to deal with.Any ideas? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 July 2010):
 I'd stick it out. Obviously, back off a bit and let her sort out the other guy, but if she put herself back on the dating market, she didn't think the mutual friend was right for her. Not a crime, not a tragedy, just reality. They may have common friends but that doesn't mean that she HAS to stick with him.
I'd give her some time, keep the dating light and casual, avoid sex for the time being, as this will complicate things, and just enjoy her company. You'll know in a month or so where you stand.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (4 July 2010):
 I'll throw my 2 cents worth into this.
If she's dating two men at once, one man is going to get dumped. There's no issue here. She might cake-eat for awhile, but its obvious you know about the other man, but he may or may not know about you.
This kind of confusion just will add up. You'll think he's not all that great, and if he knows about you, he'll think you're not all that great.
Meanwhile she's dating the other man because her friends hooked her up with him. Therefore, they assume, their decision is best for her. Which it isn't. Her decision is best for her.
Essentially if I were you, I'd sit down and have a talk with her and tell her that you're uncomfortable being the side-action in her life, or worse yet, being the main attraction with the other man being the side action in her life.
So as they say, she can either continue on with the other guy, in which case you're ending it; or she can give you a real chance and end it with the other guy.
Its just simply my experience that when a woman plays 2 men against the middle, someone gets hurt.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (4 July 2010):
 For the sake of sanity and self dignity I think you should hold off dating her until she ditches the other guy. Could turn out that she is stringing both of you along because she doesn't know what she wants. Let her be, and go about your business, maybe keep in touch with the odd message every now and then, if she questions your withdrawal, just say you'd feel more comfortable with an 'exclusive' date, rather than the whole 'multi dating' thing....it will give her a very clear signal that you expect to be treated with a bit more dignity.
Stick to your principals and dont be used as second best.
AE x
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