A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I strongly suspect my husband has, or is about to cheat on me.Pevious posts to this site, and the replies recieved,say my instincts and gut feelings are right! I am absolutely sickened and heartbroken, but I know he will deny all and make me out to be jealous, mistrusting, paranoid, etc, and, as always, he will belittle me and laugh at my insecurities!!. But, I am sure, his eyes are lying, his actions and responses, his behaviour, are typical of a cheating husband. So, now I want the proof!! I previously caught him sending and recieving sugestive, enticing, flirty, ready to cheat texts, things blew up, I forgave him, he promised to stop, he did... but now hes acting totally out of character again. Problem is, since he was caught out, he will have deleted any inapropriate text messages, I know it is wrong to pry, but does anyone know how I can retrieve deteted texts? If I have proof, I can be strong enough to challenge him, without it, the pain of not knowing is tearing me to pieces. Please help
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2010): If you are questioning him there is defantly reasons and strong feelings behind what your feeling. If he was a good honest man and in fact this werent true he'd try to sooth and comfort you, assure you that he loved you and you are dear to him. The fact that he's unable to provide support and assurance to you is horrible, and I'm sorry to hear that. You deseve care, love, friendship and most of all respect. You are a worthwhile person and need to belive in yourself. Remember sometimes we have to step back before we can step forward. Remember if you sit where you always sat, you will see want you've always seen. Are you happy? Ask yourself. Do you think you deseve respect? Ask yourself this? Do you need to know? Are you sure? Ask yourself this? Do you want to live a life with someone who is willing to risk realionship with you? You don't and mustn't . I strongly agree you have a right to know the truth but don't aspect to hear it form him. Look inside you heart and you'll have the answer, yes it's there. He has abused your trust, love and faith. It's hurtful and he has disregarded your feeling. You should be treated with respect and honered as a wife, I'm sorry I can't stop saying that because I'm appulded at this treatment your reviving. If there's one thing I'd like to leave you with the most and the best advice you will get, it's take the control back, by this I mean go through the pain once. That's right one time only and refuse tto allow this to happen. Tell him you know what's happening and are fully aware and that you want no details of it, you don't. It will hurt you farther. You need to prove nothing you know what's true cause the heart dosent lie to us.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (1 July 2010):
 Suspicion alone should be enough, you dont need evidence to divorce him. Go for irreconcilable differences. If you have kids, the court will favour your side. Any arguments in court may result in his mobile phone company providing evidence, but this is a costly route...I wouldn't bother.
He is treating you badly and rather than putting yourself through the mental torment of not knowing, just take control and start proceedings.
Whats the alternative?...months, maybe years of playing cat and mouse, dreadful arguments, sleepless nights, heartbreak and self doubt. Dont let that happen to you. He is in the wrong and he needs a short sharp and financially painful shock up the a*se!!! Your never going to win by negotiation because he has proven that he is hell bent on cheating and thus has already destroyed the trust and the marriage.
Darling don't get MAD and SAD!!!...GET EVEN!!!
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A
female
reader, Myrrh +, writes (1 July 2010):
 Hello. It is possible to retrieve deleted texts. I know the police have the software to do it and cheaper versions of the software are available to the public. But i dont know how good they are. "Google" cell phone spyware. But my bet would be that if hes cheating, he probably uses the computer for contact too. Spy software for computers is a lot more reliable and you can remotely view all activity. So that might be the way to go if you really want to find out what hes up to. The best thing to do is to not let him know you are suspicious. Once you stop asking, he wont worry so much and will start to relax and not delete everything straight away. I hope you are able to get the answers you need and can either move forward or end the relationship x
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A
female
reader, dpassa  +, writes (1 July 2010):
Don't ever accuse unless you have the prove, it will kill whatever is left of your marriage. I know it hurts, and you have to find out, cause it tears you apart inside. There are spyware on the net you can purchase. Its downloaded on to your phone, and every text, and phone call that is received or made will go to your phone without him knowing. Hope this helps, don't let him know that you are on to him, it makes it easier for them to hide certain things.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (1 July 2010):
If you know his phone code you can dial it from your home phone and check any phone messages i don't know how to do any texting messages! but once a dog always a dog and that is a fact they had no guilt about it the first time they wont the 2nd time. you are the one who is allowing it when you gave in the first time and i know it gives him no right to take a advantage of you exspecially the person he claims he loves you need to figure it out if he is worth going through this all the time or can you move on w/ out him?
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (1 July 2010):
 I once had a friend who swore her husband was meeting another woman for lunch every day, and taking her with him on business trips. She bought one of those tape recording devices that only starts recording when it senses "sound" and planted it in his truck. That night, when he fell asleep, she slipped out to his truck and pulled it out of his hiding place and listened to it. Yup, sure enough, he was with this woman and she heard all their conversations. This might be a bit extreme, but sometimes it's better to get to the bottom of it, than to be told it's "all in your head" when you know better. After that I think you should find a good divorce lawyer and take him to the cleaners.
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A
female
reader, Philosophyzer +, writes (1 July 2010):
 Try calling the cell phone company and see if they can supply any records. If not, see if they can do any sort of monitoring. If they can't, then check e-mails, perhaps, instead.
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