A
female
age
41-50,
*onfused in colorado
writes:My fiance and I have been together and lived together for 8.5 years now. He proposed 2.5 years ago. We bought a house together this year. Whenever I bring up getting married he becomes upset and last week he told me he "isn't ready". I am in my mid thirties (so is he) and would like to have children, etc. What does it mean that he isn't ready? I am becoming angry and frustrated with this situation. I am tired of creating excuses as to why we aren't getting married to my friends and family. Are we going no where??? How do I know when to move on?
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female
reader, confused in colorado +, writes (6 July 2010):
confused in colorado is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the honest insight. I will keep you posted.
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (5 July 2010):
 After eight years with a guy, and being in your mid-thirties, you'll have to accept that the dating scene is going to be *brutal*. You will have to settle for a guy you probably will not like as much as the current man. But if children are important to you, do it now; your biological clock is ticking. Even now, your chances of a healthy conception are significantly lower than they were at 27 when you met him.He's not wrong, however, in putting off marriage. Ask yourself honestly: what does he gain by getting married? You live together, you presumably have a sex life, you may love each other. The only thing marriage offers him is a 50% chance of divorce and losing all his money now. Can you blame the guy?Talk to him seriously about marriage. Dont' tell him that he *owes* you anything, because he doesn't - your decisions made this situation possible too. Instead, tell him how much you love him, and try to come up with some reason that marriage benefits HIM. If he still balks, return the engagement ring, move on, and prepare yourself for a pretty rough dating experience.Good luck either way.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 July 2010):
You know now to move on. Come on here. I'm afraid it's time to look at this situation very seriously. You've been together for over 8 years, and engaged for over 2. And he's still not ready? You want kids. He's still nor ready? More importantly, you're in your mid thirties and none of this is happening. If you want my opinion on the truth here, I don't think he wants kids, and I don't think he wants marriage. Not to panic you, but you'll be aware that your body clock is ticking when it comes to kids. This man is offering very little. In 8 years together, he's proposed and done nothing else. No sign of children, or the marriage. Seems to me like you're wasting a huge amount of time with this man. I don't think it's going to happen, and I think you need to seriously consider moving on. You don't want to be here when you reach 40, and realize that nothing has moved forward.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (5 July 2010):
 Hmmm he has kinda lead you on by proposing to you and now he is backing out. I can understand your frustration and it makes it more difficult as you now own property together. If he says he isn't ready...what he is saying is that he has changed his mind.
Unless your prepared to start a family outside of wedlock, you cant really do much else other than sit him down, explain that you thought marriage was part of the deal...and now it isn't, that you'd like to split, take your half of the house and find someone who does want to get married...I think that is fair.
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