A
female
age
51-59,
*eatherglass
writes:my boyfriend has always come to bed with me every night and of course in my past relationhips, i have been accustomed to this. last night (after we have been having a lot of problems/fights), he didn't want to come to bed at all. he had to work this morning at 7 a.m. and he finally (reluctantly) came to bed at 5:20. i explained that i really needed him last night and it hurt me that he didn't want to come to bed and he said that i am smothering him and that some nights, he will not want to come to bed or may choose to stay up all night. it cannot be healthy for a relationship to not go to bed together. is this normal and should i have not been upset, concerned or worried? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (16 June 2010):
 Was your ex husband abusive?
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (16 June 2010):
Background information http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-let-him-know-his-porn.html
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): I guess it hurt me that he didn't want to come to bed because i tried to watch porn with him because of all the fights, he still couldn't get off, so then he wanted to stay on the couch alone all night - felt a little strange. Now because i got upset over that, he said it is over, I have two weeks to get out....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): He did tell me last night that it is over. I left for several hours and when I came home, I went to bed. He stayed on the couch all night and of course, watched porn. I guess that's all he wants in life (his alone time with his porn).
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 June 2010):
 I agree with Sara...your being clingy and over dependant on him.
You said you have been having lots of fights...men tend to need space when they have an argument or a problem. He probably needed time to think. You may have felt hurt that he didn't come to bed, but he is entitled to his space and accusing him of hurting you probably did make him feel suffocated.
Back off a little, respect his 'alone' time and I am sure you will have a much happier and relaxed relationship because of it.
If you continue to sulk and accuse him, he will probably end things.
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A
female
reader, Sara456 +, writes (16 June 2010):
I think it is smothering him to expect him to come to bed at the same time as you every night. What do you need him for? It sounds like you are too dependent on him and probably pushing him away. Men need more space than women.
One more thing. Everyone has different sleep patterns. Let him be. It is not a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
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