A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I got together with my guy about two months ago after a very long friendship. At the beginning all seemed really great - he confessed that he had had feelings for me for sometime and he seemed really keen to progress the relationship. He lives over 350 miles away so we only see each other every couple of weeks. The problem is at the beginning he seemed to text me and be in touch all the time but in the last couple of weeks I have noticed the contact seems to be dropping off and I'm never sure quite when I am next going to see him.I saw him this weekend and asked him about it and he says that he has been busy. He has a very stressful job and he says that this is getting him down and interfering with other aspects of his life.I asked him if he wanted to return to being just friends but he said he wanted to continue the relationship and he hoped we could "ride this through". But he also said that I "deserve better". What does he mean by saying these things? I'm worried he may want to end the relationship but is concerned that he will loose me as a friend. I know his job is particularly difficult for him at the moment and he also has a son from a previous relationship that understandably needs a lot of his time and attention but I'm starting to feel that he either has no time left for me or doesn't have the energy to pursue the relationship. (He has suffered from depression in the past that has led to him ending a previous relationship).I really care about him and want this relationship to work. He says I should have more faith in him but I can't help but feel that he isn't as enthusiastic as he was. Do I hang on in there and see where this goes or should I walk away before I get too hurt?
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (4 July 2010):
 He has said he wants to continue and has asked you to have more faith. In guy speak that means 'I want to continue the relationship and I wish you worked with me'.
You are second guessing the situation, your feale ming is filling in the gaps (as all us girls do when we arnt quite in full knowledge of the facts).
This guy has his troubles (past depression, difficult job and having to find time for his son...as well as keeping you happy over a very long distance) YOU KNOW ALL THIS!!! so why are you now expecting more than he can give at this time?...why are you 'sulking' and asking if he just wants to be friends again (which is a bit odd seeing as how you like him so much...smacks of ultimatum).
If you know he is lacking time to devote to the relationship at this time you have two choices...
You either learn to be more understanding and patient...or you decide this isnt working for you and end things. Expecting him to read your mind and keep you completely secure and happy when you know he already has worries is just adding to his load. Give the bloke a break!!!
If YOu don't like it...and YOUR not happy...then YOU end it (its your right to do so) Dont whinge and hang on and play mind games and second guessing games with him when he has already said he wants to continue...he's told you thats what he wants and he will be expecting it to be at least on some of his terms.
sorry for the tough talk but it's as I see it.
A
female
reader, cincinnatichocolate  +, writes (4 July 2010):
I use to be really good friends with this guy and we ended up getting together and had fell very hard for each other. Well all the time out the blue he would just tell me that I deserved better. He would also tell my older sister that I deserve better. I felt like he was holding on to something but didnt want to hurt me. Well he told me that I deserved better so much that I just start seeing other guys and kind of broke away from him because I felt that I wouldnt get hurt or maybe hurt as much if I left on my own rather than whatever it was popping up on me while I was on cloud nine. Come to find out the guy had a girl pregnant before me and him start seeing eachother in the more than friends way and she was about to give birth and he felt he needed to be there for her which was the reason he kept telling me I deserve better. That was years ago and til this day I always respected the fact that he knew he was not right and he knew I deserved better. He was the first guy I fell in love with and sometimes I look for him just to let him know that. But anywho you have to wonder why he is saying that you deserve better. He wouldnt say that if he wasnt do something wrong. He is just letting you know without "directly" letting you know. He doesnt want to hurt you so just take him saying that as a hint for you to move on
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