A
female
age
51-59,
*attyana
writes:I am an attractive 42 year old who has had quite a tough life and been married twice to men who treated me quite badly. I am currently going out with a man who is very kind but I dont feel we are on the same intellectual wave length and I just dont feel that I love him nearly as deeply as he seems to feel about me. I am so afraid of being alone again with my two children and am fed up with that feeling of loneliness but I also dont know if I can carry on in a relationship that I feel I will ultimately self distruct.I am genuinely worried that I will never find anyone who will love me and be able to understand me emotionally,since I have been left so sensitive by my unhappy past. I am generally a very cheery person, with good friends and lots of potential but I can also get quite depressed at times and need someone who can take that on board and be there for me.If I turn my back on this relationship I could end up throwing away my only chance of being with a caring and tolerant man, and never find what I am looking for!I am not getting any younger - maybe I will never truly fall in love!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): Please don't worry about throwing away this chap and thinking there won't be anyone else. It may well be that you will meet someone on the same wavelength or you might not but settling for the wrong person just for the sake of having someone is not worth the trouble. I have been married 3 times and have still not found the person who can provide me with the emotional stability or security I personally need. I don't actually think they are there and I have sought of opted out of looking. It is really nice to have someone to be with, go on hols with etc but if they cannot offer you the support that you need then they are not worth having. I was /still am very insecure because I have been cheated on and treated so badly and I doubt I will ever find anyone who will tick all the right boxes. I still look but in a more passive sense and if they come along all well and good but have devoted my time to looking after myself and watching other couples from afar. I settled 2 x for the wrong chap and my insecurity and jealousy pushed the third one away but even though he was loving, caring and kind he did not make me feel wanted and secure which is what I really needed,
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (21 June 2010):
 Maybe you will and maybe you won't. There are no guarantees that anyone will find love. Some people stay in unhappy relationships because they fear aloneness and many remain single because they have embraced the lifestyle and enjoy just having themselves to worry about.
If you arn't really feeling it with your man, then perhaps you need to let him go, so he can find someone else to love him.
Try to focus on the positives of your life, your kids, your home, your work, your friends. Find other things to love and enjoy. You are truly responsible for your own happiness...it doesn't come from another person, so telling yourself that you have blown all your chances is going to make you feel pulled down and insecure.
Defining happiness on whether you have a a partner or not, is selling yourself short.
AE x
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