A
female
age
41-50,
*amuneca74
writes:I have been in a relationship with this man a little over years now. In the beginning he told me all he wanted was a friends with benefits kind of relationship. well, i just had a baby so i was in no rush at all to jump into a relationship. so i agreed to it. as time went on i found myself falling in love with this man! he spent alot of time with me! he was always around my baby and 2 other kids. only he never took us out anywhere, or offered to spend time with us other than at my house! He has never been married, or doesnt have any kids! it took him 2 years to tell me he loved me. we decided to start a steady relationship. i knew he had other women when we were just dating. but, found it hard to believe he only wanted me and no one else. he swore up and down i was the only woman in his life. i went thru his phone 1 night and found pictures of other women in his phone and text messages from 1 certain woman saying she loved him and couldnt wait to see him again!!! also nude pictures of her!!! when i confronted him about it he swore he would delete her number and pictures he had...he never did!!! he always tells me he loves me! but says he is not ready to live together or get married! he said he is in no rush to do any of that!! i've tried several times to let go but either he calls or i call him!! and we end up together again!! he has never been there for me or my kids when we really needed him. and im the blame for everything that has ever went wrong in our relationship!! he says i dont trust or believe him anyway so why should he bother to try! he is mean, cruel, hateful when we argue! sometimes even puts me down!! he tells me i will never find a man that will love me because of my jealousy and attitude!! he doesnt understand that i am this way because he has made me like this!! i dont trust him at all! so why is it so hard for me to let him go and move on!!! he drinks every day, and always puts himself as well as his friends before me! all the time. when i met him i weighed almost 300 lbs!! now i weigh 147!! i did all that for him! i thought maybe he would want me after i lost the weight! well it didnt work! he treats me the same, if not worse! i love him with all my heart! and i know he doesnt feel the same towards me! so how do i let go of him and show him im serious!!! i truly want to meet and love someone!! i just cant do it with him in and out of my life!!!
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friend with benefits, jealous, move on, nude pictures, puts me down, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010): The answers are very good pointed! I have kind the same situation so i took some lesson for me too. I'm amazed that there are so many girls with this problem...maybe is really hard to learn to love yourself and to have a normal self esteem when you meet those kind of boys, that are like vampires that suck all the power and all the respect from us...So why we love them? Maybe we like bad guys? Or maybe this is a test in our life to pass it and to get more mature and finally to learn to have more respect for the women that live inside us...We need to stop that pain
A
female
reader, ctds001  +, writes (17 June 2010):
Hey Honey
This negative sitation is not only affecting you but your children. QUIT this relationship not only for yourself but for your innocent children.
You are their role model and the relationships you choose to be in are also role models for them. Would you want your children in a relationship like this? If you want more for them, you need to want more for yourself.
There are plently of men that want a women in their lifes. A man to put you 1st, share raising your children and have a decent family life.
Get rid of this cheating, negative man and start believing you and your children deserve more.
Change your number and make your NO mean NO. Stop wasting your life, you can achieve anything!
Keep us updated
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (17 June 2010):
 Darling you have my sympathy and I completely understand where you are at.
I spent 2 and a half years of my life with a man who did exactly the same. He swore I was the one but constantly met other women and cheated on me. He was cruel and nasty when angry. He drank too much. Couldn't commit to me. Said we could never trust eachother. He told me I was fat, even though I had lost weight and kept myself immaculate for him. He had no kids and never wanted to be involved with mine. He was constantly looking for things to argue about and wanted everything his own way...right down to what we ate and what we watched on TV.
It took me a good 18 months to get over him. When we first split up, I thought about him constantly. He met someone almost immediately and moved her into his house and I was left broken hearted, emotionally destroyed and bewildered to what I had done wrong. I lost all interest in my life and ended up on anti- depressants...ALL BECAUSE OF HIM!!!!
How did I recover?
I made a stand and a promise to myself. I forced myself to gather a few close friends around me and spoke openly to my family about how low I felt. I cried it all out. Had days where I didn't want to face the world...but I never once called him or contacted him. I never searched him out online. I doggedly forced myself away from him. I even hid all the things he has bought me and burnt all our photos.
The strange thing is, that after I had gotten over him and hadn't though about him for ages...I ran into a mutual distant friend of his whom he had introduced me to. He told me that my ex had gotten involved with a girl and moved her into his house. She had played him like a slot machine and borrowed about £10,000 from him. Then she discovered he had been cheating on her and she threw a can of paint stripper over his 2 year old BMW, completely wrecking it (his pride and joy).
He hadn't changed, he will most likely cheat forever, and that woman took her revenge!!!...I felt amazing after I heard that. I could never take revenge myself. I had totally beaten myself up over him...and I was the decent one, I was the better person.
I am now happily single, I date when I want to (one at a time!!!) and I certainly know what I will and won't accept from my next serious relationship.
You can get over him. He is just a man and truly he only has as much power over you as you allow him. It is not him you are in love with...it's the person you wish he was that holds you to him. If you saw him in his true light, you wouldn't give him the time of day.
Make your life happier and better for you. There are a million opportunities waiting for you. Like the previous aunt said...get out, join a gym, make new friends and embrace every day that is truly yours for the living!!!
lots of love
Aunty Em xxx
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