A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help,I am living with a controlling man, who is also a policeman. I own my own house and have told him to leave but he refuses to. He had a messed up upbringing, doesnt speak to his family, has issues beyond belief and is manipulative.The 18 months we have been together has been emotionally tiring, full of his broken promises and with me being 'always in the wrong'. I have woken up and smelt the coffee and now hate this man. From the outside he is a charmer, but on the inside he is difficult, twisted and to me emotionally abusive.He says if I kick him out I will truly regret it. Im scared of what he would do, he is a police man, and from what im told, they stick together so if I went to them they could be quite corrupt.I dont trust what he is capable of, he is a very clever man and I feel trapped in my own house and very scared.Please help me xxIm worried about what he will do if he doesnt get his own way.
View related questions:
emotionally abusive, trapped Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): Hi - not sure if this is any help but if you are living in true physical fear ( and would be if you left) you can apply through a solicitor for an injunction. I believe (though you would obviously check) that this would still apply even with your partner being a policeman. He is using his professional position to bully you. My best advice is 1) contact a solicitor for basic advice - many do a free initial consultation. 2) Ensure you have some of your own savings which he cannot access and that could see you through a month or two 3) Get organised - posessions, potential place to rent / place to stay 4) Speak to an impartial professional. I was in your shoes (similar anyway) and I talked to Womens aid. They were fantastic and can answer all your concerns - many and varied. I also spoke to a solicitor about my legal rights. Armed with more information you will gain greater confidence to leave. In the meantime. Stay absolutely calm as you can and do not give the game away that you are planning to leave him. Do you remember the game when you one by one pull a stick away and then the lot falls. This is the way you need to go with this relationship. Keep pulling calmly until you are ready to let the whole thing go.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (5 July 2010):
 Despite him being a policeman, he still has no right to stay in your home if you dont want him there. Contact a local domestic violence helpline for advice (your local council can give you a number). Gather any evidence that you can. It may be difficult as this is emotional abuse (use a tape if you can). Contact a solicitor through the citizens advice bureau. They will be able to give you advice about how to have this man removed.
His threats that 'you will regret it' if you throw him out, should be taken seriously. I think if he says it again, you should report the threat to the police. It isn't 100% true that policemen stick together. These days the police force is under scrutiny and if you have taken the correct route to report your boyfriend...they will take it extremely seriously.
You seriously need to record anything that happens, times places, what was said. He may back down when he realises how serious you are...and if you have the law and womens refuge and a good solicitor behind you...I can't see that you dont have enough force to get him out of your life.
Good luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 July 2010):
 Contact your nearest Salvation Army, they will be able to direct you to where you can get help with this situation, as a minimum they will be able to give a list of organisations who will be able to offer help and advise.
Good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, GabeP  +, writes (5 July 2010):
You leave him by leaving him. That sounds flippant, but you have to begin with the realization that leaving him is your only option. Maybe he can make trouble for you, but he's making trouble for you now. The worst case scenario is having this guy in your house 24/7: you can't do much worse than that.
Other than that, I second Afterglow's view on this. I work as a lawyer and can tell you that cops stick together, but wife beaters have a way of losing popularity. If he works for the city PD, maybe talk to the county sheriff. If he works for the sheriff, talk to the city. That's not a perfect situation, but there's no need to call his best friend on the force about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): i myself was in a similar position and i to smelt the coffee an i left and went to a place of shelter where i received help and support make that call
...............................
A
male
reader, Afterglow +, writes (5 July 2010):
 You are not the first person to end up in your situation with someone with some form of power and authority. Fortunately, we are at a time in life and culture where these issues are no longer ignored or swept under proverbial rugs. Every state has a shelter system for women in danger. Now, this doesn't mean that you are battered and on the run( which is why the network of shelters exist for women and their children), but they are also places to call and receive ASSISTANCE in getting away from potential violence. You really need to get in contact with a facility so that they can help direct you with what you are going to need to do to get out of this relationship. They are WELL FAMILIARIZED with women in bad relationships with cops, lawyers, judges, etc. Always know that YOU HAVE OPTIONS. It's never hopeless. Too many people have put in a lot of time and effort to set up a system to help women in your position. All it takes is a phone call...MAKE IT TODAY!
...............................
|
