A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:if a man is using you for sex would he keep coming back even if he didnt always get it and sometimes he did but it wasnt great? how do you tell if someone is genuine or a really good liar, i have to say he has a girlfriend and the rule of thumb is he is a liar obviously and i am no better i know. but why would someone keep coming back. i dont kid myself that i am anyone special but i just cant figure out why? he is good to me and asks a lot about my life but he wont talk about his life, im very confused.
View related questions:
has a girlfriend, liar Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Elydiese +, writes (5 July 2010):
because in the end he does eventually get sex from you
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 July 2010):
A man doesn't need it every time if if gets it half the time from you and half the time from his girlfriend. He's most definitely using you, and in a very clever way as well. He keeps you guessing at all times, and preys on you when he wants. With this guy, you will always be second best, and that's it. You are the mistress. so, if you're happy to be just the mistress who is used, fair enough. But, this is the clincher. Men are wary of women who go out with taken men. They are untrustworthy. Women are wary of women who sleep with taken men, because how could a woman trust you not to take her boyfriend. Too many women are quick to allow themselves to be used, and not think that it has such a huge effect on their reputation. Your reputation is at stake here. You could lose out of so much more if you continue with this. Just reading you post, I can see you have esteem issues that need to be dealt with. So stop seeing this other guy who is so obviously using you, and spend time time on yourself. It will be worth it, and you'll feel a million times better.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (5 July 2010):
 Ask yourself, first and foremost if YOU are HAPPY with this situation your in? (I will call it a situation because it isn't a relationship).
Being 'used for sex'...lets take a look at that! Some girls are smart. They allow themselves to be used for sex and form no emotional attachment to the man (or men), they take payment and it's a business transaction. He gets to unload and she gets to feed her kids, feed the meter or feed her drug or drink habit. They walk away...nobody cares. He may chat to her whilst 'doing the business' but at the end of the 'sex act' it's done with until next time.
You:
Allowing yourself to be used for sex (something your not really enjoying because you said yourself 'it wasn't great', your not getting any payment, but what you are doing is building an emotional attachment, built on mistrust.Your trying to guess if he's a liar???...lying over what?...whether he's going to continue to use you?, whether he has feelings for you?.
Sure he is nice to you when he is getting what he wants...to some men,bad sex is better than no sex at all. If he is having sex with his girlfriend also...maybe he just wants a little variety...or maybe she won't give him as much sex as he needs...so he comes to you!!!
THIS IS WHY HE IS USING YOU FOR SEX!!!
In your mind it's revolving around your need for the fantasy of him leaving his girlfriend and falling madly in love with you. That isn't going to happen, because your just a body to him...he's already conquered you...he doesn't need anything else. Your also building up a mistrustful hatred of him. This is because your sub conscious is telling you that HE CAN'T BE TRUSTED!!! and THIS IS NO GOOD FOR YOU!!
People in these situations often have very low self esteem and allowing themselves to be used in this way confirms their low opinion of themselves.
There is another way to go, but you may need help or therapy or treatment for depression.
YOU need to wake up and put yourself first, you are important and you are in control of your destiny...everyone can make a positive difference in their own life by taking control, saying 'NO' to poor choices and unhealthy situations. You don't have to be wealthy or look a certain way, you don't need to be popular...you just have to have some self respect and dignity to expect something a little better for yourself.
Stop seeing the guy, stop living in a fantasy and start loving yourself.
...............................
|
