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Archived questions from:
9 July, 2011 (see latest questions)
(More questions from July, 2011)
Dear Cupid: Relationship help and advice | | |
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She thinks I only care about her boobs and now were not talking !
This question has
1 answer
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
30-35 -
Hi everyone! Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years. We are very happy together! But recently as we were having cuddles in bed, i was touching her breasts, which are size 30C. She normally likes me touching her but she said to me 'you dont love me, you love m...
(90 words) Partner of 17 years dumped me and then found someone else within three weeks. Will I ever recover from the hurt?
This question has
2 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
51-59 -
I was with my ex Partner for 17 years, when she dumped me and then found someone else within three weeks. It's had really hurt me and it been a few years now but I still think about her. Will I ever recover. She hasnt made contact since the day she dumped me in a cruel way....
(57 words) I have left my long term partner for someone who now doesn't want me. What should I do now?
This question has
4 answers
- newest was posted
4913 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
36-40 -
This is one messed up situation I'm in. I had been with my gf for 7.6 years and thing were a bit stale as relationships go. This young 20 yr old started messaging me via a social network site. She was in a 6 month relationship at the time. Our relationship remained fairly non ...
(330 words) I love the girl but I'm just not sure that she is sincere and honest with me.
This question has
2 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
30-35 -
Hi All, I've been dating a girl for 7 months now, she's two-and-a-half years older than me, and the time with her so far has been great.. except one thing. I am jealous quite often. Jealousy started when she by accident mentioned a guy she was in a romantic friendship (no...
(675 words) Does my boyfriend's behavior mean he really doesn't care about hurting me, or is he just callous?
This question has
3 answers
- newest was posted
4912 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
36-40 -
I've jst moved back in with my boyfriend, after a few weeks away for studies and a couple of years of on off, because of this. I love him but I'm really not happy back with him. The reason for this is, he seems to be carrying on his life as if I'm not really there. He does all ...
(638 words) How can I fix things between me and my friend?
This question has
1 answer
- newest was posted
4913 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
41-50 -
this isnt a romance question but does involve a close friend who i care about. our friendship has been rocky for a few months because when i first met him 2 years ago he was very vulnerable and needy and i enjoyed caring for him and pepping him up. since then hes found his feet ...
(96 words) I fear that my distrust will show and ruin this relationship, and I don't want that to happen.
This question has
2 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
51-59 -
Please help me?? Has anyone got any advice for me? I have reached a point in my life, thru previous relationships and so called friends who just used me for their own gain that i am finding it hard to trust anyone i meet to be a genuine person and believe what they say. ...
(141 words) Can't stop thinking about Sex toys stockist.
This question has
4 answers
- newest was posted
4913 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
41-50 -
hi i have a girlfriend but when we went to this studio place to look at what they sale thats miles away in a different city, the woman who runs it and the website is also gay and i really cant stop thinking about her. we been 2visit twice as didnt buy anything the first time ...
(194 words) Did he just break up with me? His Mother is against us. But I thought we had something
This question has
4 answers
- newest was posted
4913 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
30-35 -
Heyy .. My boyfriend of 5 months and I had some trouble, due to his mother over our whole relationship. he always fought with her to tell her to back off and leave me and him alone. Before we started dating me, both he and I and his mother were great, we would go for walks toge...
(553 words) How do I start to slim down?
This question has
6 answers
- newest was posted
4913 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
36-40 -
Hi I know this isn't a relationship question but I'm desperate for some help. Its about my weight, I can't afford to join weightwatchers or slimmersworld etc or the gym for that matter because I've just lost my job. The thing is 2 years ago me and my best friend were both wei...
(166 words) I am confused by all of his actions, can anyone help me??
This question has
7 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
30-35 -
So... this guy i'm dating. He's perfect.. in theory... but then he does stuff that confuse me big time. He wants to go out with me but he wants to go home 10 p.m... (and why? i don't know since school is off for the summer and he doesn't have a job)i mean is not like i want to ...
(1043 words) He said he loved me, wanted a family...now he says he does not want anything serious, what gives?
This question has
4 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
41-50 -
Hi everyone, I decided to come on here and write my feeling/thoughts because I needed someone to talk to and perhaps some encouraging words to get me through my heartbreak. My story: I've been seeing a guy for almost 2 years now. I knew in the back of my head that I ...
(271 words) I love him, but he cheated & I can't trust him, what should I do??
This question has
4 answers
- newest was posted
4913 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
30-35 -
hey, me and my ex boyfriend split about 3 months ago. we split beacuse i found out he was still with the mother of his baby. when we first got together he was the best boyfriend ever i used to see him everyday but saturdays as that was when he had his baby. i accepted the...
(239 words) My gf hacked my emails, which were unkind to her, we were not together, she can't get past them, what can do?
This question has
3 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
51-59 -
Last night my girlfriend told me she isn't happy. She said she knows why but didn't want to talk about it. She also said she has doubts about our relationship. She wants a break to figure things out. We've been together for almost a year and half. We did break up for a ...
(489 words) Starting a much needed job soon, she wants to move to Florida, what is best??
This question has
3 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
36-40 -
Hey everyone just needed a little bit of advice. I am in a dillema here. I have been with my girlfriend now going on 4 years and we have a 2 year old daughter together. We have been "Ok". We had our ups and downs. My life is kinda in shambles. I have had a serious gambling ...
(369 words) Could this relationship work out, met her once, like her a lot?
This question has
2 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
30-35 -
Okay so this past weekend for the 4th of July I went up north with a friend to their cabin and up there I met this girl.. Her family and my friends family are both friends so we hung out like everyday. But this girl was just amazing, we hit it off right from the start. We have ...
(493 words) Hard to trust him with so much going on between him and his ex, what should I do??
This question has
4 answers
- newest was posted
4911 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
51-59 -
Hello everyone! I need opinions on this please! Is there such a thing as lying by omission or is it just flat out lying? If someone doesn't tell you ALL the facts and you find out later is that lying by omission or flat out lying? I'll give you an example: My BF has an...
(253 words) I love her & don't want to hurt her, but I am unhappy, how do I get out of this?
This question has
1 answer
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
26-29 -
Ive been dating my GF for over a year and past couple months she haven't gave me any affection and we ve been repeating same things everyday,school, talk at break go home and text. and ive been VERY irritated and tired of her these days. couple of weeks ago we had a argue about ...
(101 words) Should I just approach him regardless, or what??
This question has
1 answer
- newest was posted
4911 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
41-50 -
I met this guy a few years ago and we have a lot of mutual acquaintances. We never really hung out but occasionally exchanged a few texts. A few months ago we'd arranged to meet up and it was planned a few weeks in advance because we go to different colleges. I was visiting his ...
(237 words) I dumped her before but I like her more now, how do I mend things??
This question has
4 answers
- newest was posted
4902 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
26-29 -
I´m going to be a sohpmore girl in high school. In eigth grade I breifly dated a seventh grader. I was severly depressed at the time and struggling with my orientation. We ended up dating for only two days befre I cut it off. She says she holds no resentment. She also doesnt ...
(191 words) Anytime my crush is around, I freeze up and can't talk!
This question has
3 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
30-35 -
Hello, I have an important question. I met this guy (I knew who he was beforehand though) at church and immediately developed a crush on him. This guy is perfect, and I mean it. He has the best taste in music, books, and is a real man of God. My problem is that anytime he'...
(187 words) Will my next sexual encounter be painful??
This question has
3 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
30-35 -
ok i had sex too year ago i have only been with one "ex" partner but i have a new partner now whice i love so much and im planning of haveing sex very soon but i am a bit scared will it be sore or will i bleed again will my vigina be like a virgin again ?? ...
(59 words) Why did she kiss me?
This question has
7 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
30-35 -
Me and my ex [both 18] go out clubbing together a lot because we have the same friends. Last night we were out and were both quite tipsy, and I bought her a drink. She said 'thank you, sexy' and quickly made out with me, not too ferociously, grabbing my bum. She spent most of ...
(87 words) Concerned about my dad's health and his problem with food. Please help me. I'm really worried that I will end up losing him
This question has
5 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
36-40 -
I am really quite concerned about my dad...he is 50. I am 25. He has always eaten alot for the past ten years or so but has recently gotten worse. He eats no fruit or veg (except peas very ocassionally) and lives off a diet of coffee,cake,choc, cheese,pies,sausages,butter,full ...
(155 words) How can l show him am attracted to him without telling him?
This question has
4 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
36-40 -
l am a lady aged 26. I am attracted to a guy l work with. How can l show him am attracted to him without telling him?...
(27 words) My step-sister and my boyfriend make out behind my back, should I leave him?
This question has
3 answers
- newest was posted
4912 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
30-35 -
last night i was have a convo with my boyfriend and i was asking him if he was eve going to cheat on me please tell me so i can stop wawating our times? i know i dont have the best past but nor does anyone else he told me i wish i could just get even with you but i know you...
(442 words) Moving on. Is two montha long enough to wait before I start dating again?
This question has
8 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
41-50 -
I have just broke up from my girldfriend of 1 year, but to be honest the last 2 months I may as well have been single. The first few months went well, but then I started to get very judegmental about her past, and I was nasty to her about it and asked her loads of questions abou...
(170 words) Are there any tips to help improve our situation? My GF and I have attitude issues.
This question has
3 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
41-50 -
Ok, so my girlfriend always makes me so mad. She makes fun of me by calling me names like: freak and dork - all because i don't like harry potter? It gets annoying. I try not to but i always give her an attitude about that. Also she's always making me jealous because she like...
(266 words) I'm really not sure why her feelings keep changing, and I think she's not sure either... any advice??
This question has
1 answer
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
26-29 -
there is this girl I met, we became really really good friends, and as time passed i fell in love with her, I told her that and she said that she wants to stay friends. I agreed and after a while we had to seperate, it's been 3 years now and we keep talking on the net, and we ...
(247 words) GF never lets what I do wrong go. What can I do?
This question has
5 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (?)
age
30-35 -
i need help with my gf its hard because she is constantly reminded of out bad past even after 2 years of beign together she still doesn't trust me she thinks i'll go behind her back and talk to some other girl when i wont at all!!!!!!! waht can i do to help our relationship...
(55 words) BF has drinking problem. How can I talk to him about it?
This question has
2 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
30-35 -
My "boyfriend" has a drinking problem is the bottom line. The thing is, he only realizes he has a drinking problem and how much it effects our relationship when he's completely wasted. When he's sober and you try to bring it up to him he gets completely pissed off and won't ...
(210 words) Can I make it through life without learning how to drive?
This question has
10 answers
- newest was posted
4913 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
30-35 -
every one i know including my family thinks i am unintelligent just because i can not drive a car. Ive tried and tried and just cant grasp it. i have not even made it past the permit part yet because the test to me is so confusing and the answers all sound the same. plus i ...
(446 words) What does it mean if a man stops making love to you half way through??
This question has
11 answers
- newest was posted
4911 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
41-50 -
Hi What does it mean if a man stops making love to you half way through??...
(16 words) Ex BF harrassing the hell out of me - why?
This question has
8 answers
- newest was posted
4911 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
41-50 -
Hi all, my ex boyfriend of 6 months ago (whom I dated for a year) treated me horribly during our relationship. Eventually he dumped me over the phone because according to him "he didn't love me, he was just with me because his mum thought I would make a good wife" and in the...
(232 words) My girlfriend says "Sorry" constantly.
This question has
3 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
26-29 -
Hi. This other day I was checking mine and my girlfriends chat history on facebook. I searched for "Sorry" and I noticed that she says "Sorry" almost all the time. Should I consider this as a problem? Please,help. Thank you in advance. PS: We've only been togeather for 15...
(59 words) B/f lied about porn plus he watches really violent pornography!
This question has
6 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
36-40 -
why would a man randomly need skype? When I asked him about it he did not really give me an answer as to why he needs it. Also I just had a talk with my man about how I don't feel comfortable being with a man who watches or is addicted to porn and he told me he has not watched ...
(224 words) I never have wet dreams. Is that unusual?
This question has
4 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
51-59 -
I have never in my entire life had a "wet dream." Sometimes, I have dreamed about having sex, but it's not a common dream for me. I once told a friend that I never have these nocturnal emissions and he said I must just wank off too much. Well, I don't know how much is too much...
(79 words) I'm scared to hold hands or kiss with my boyfriend
This question has
5 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
26-29 -
Okay , so me and my boyfriend have been going out for almost a month now and we've already kissed and made out. He's 15 and I'm 13. And we don't see each other all the time, we see each other about every other week. And every time we hang out i get scared to hold hands or to ...
(83 words) After I realize I love her she says she got tired of waiting for me!
This question has
4 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
30-35 -
Here's my story. A year ago, I met a girl that was a few years younger than me. Well I didn't really like her as a love interest then, but she was crazy in love with me. We hung out everyday and most people thought we were dating. Well that was august. Now its July and all this ...
(154 words) I don't wan't to leave my wife, but I have very strong feelings for this other woman. Is it possible to love two women and not hurt anyone?
This question has
28 answers
- newest was posted
4911 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
51-59 -
Hi everyone, I'm new to this site, but appreciate everyone's candor and returns on their experience. I am and have been happily married for 20 years now with my french wife in Paris. I love my wife, we are close and loving and I am proud of our relationship. We have 3 ...
(384 words) Is it ok to stop seeing someone when they put pressure on me?
This question has
8 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
51-59 -
I've never dated nor had any real relationship before. Is it ok to stop seeing someone when they insist on trying to put pressure on me to let them touch me?...
(32 words) Does he not introduce me to his friends or go out with me at night because he is embarrassed of me?
This question has
3 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
30-35 -
Me and my bf are in a distance relationship and only see each other one month at a time... the thing is that, we go out everyday...but to parks,movies,malls and things like this, but never clubbin, out to drinks, or romantic dinners. Sure we go to dinners, but we never enjoy ...
(372 words) I can't say anything when b/f does things that I don't like!
This question has
2 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
36-40 -
Hi aunts... Need some advise... Ive been seeing this guy for six months now and things are going well even though we sometimes have our ups and downs. My problem is ME, i cant tell him how i feel especially when he did something that i dont like. When we not together i know ...
(211 words) Why did my ex suddenly block me?
This question has
3 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
30-35 -
My ex boyfriend broke up with me a year ago we dated for a month b4 we broke up. Then a few weeks later he would call me and beg for me back but i was upset. then i started talking to my best friend adam. i started dating adam a month after my break up. Then throughout my whole ...
(334 words) I'm bored but want to move on without hurting my girlfriend
This question has
2 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
26-29 -
Ive been dating this girl for little over a year and ive been getting bored of her lately because we do same thing in school just be together at break but we hardly ever hang out and NEVER do any affection, we used to but she stopped giving me affection for couple months now ...
(95 words) G/f suddenly giving me cold shoulder and saing it would be easier to date someone of her own race
This question has
4 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
30-35 -
dear cupid, my girlfriend spent the summer in colorado for an internship where she is having the time of her life which is awesome, but i never here from her anymore and any time i ask her what she did i get one word answers and just talks about the weather. it almost feels ...
(172 words) Is it too much to want sex twice a week?
This question has
4 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
36-40 -
My same sex partner and I have been together for about 4 years and we recently fight a lot over sex. The problem is I have a high sex drive and she doesnt. We have sat down and talked about it but she always gets so angry we never get anywhere. She says that me initiating sex ...
(285 words) How do I ask him (again) how he sees me without scaring him off?
This question has
7 answers
- newest was posted
4915 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
36-40 -
Okay so I met this really cute guy a few weeks ago while we were both working at a Trade show in L.A. I thought he was cute, but also didn't think he'd go for me. He ended up asking me out and our first date was super fun. He was constantly posting things on my Facebook, ...
(355 words) Husband has panties that aren't mine!
This question has
6 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
36-40 -
i found a jelly vagina on my husband jacket and some pair of panties and the panties are not mine i ask hem why he had that plus some blue pills too and he dint answer my question he toll me that i was making a big deal but i think that the panties are from some of the girls he ...
(108 words) No sex in 2 years, will I be tight?
This question has
5 answers
- newest was posted
4904 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
30-35 -
so im due to get marrid the end of this year ,whice i realy realy love him so but the problem is i have to be a virgin when i marry but i told the man im marrying that i ant a virgin i told him i had sex twice with an exboyfriend and that was too year ago ...he was not fi...
(228 words) My married ex told me that he is still in love with me..
This question has
7 answers
- newest was posted
4915 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
30-35 -
My ex boyfriend and I have been apart for about 2 months. It was a 3 year relationship. There were a lot of events that happened shortly after that I learned to be okay with. He is now married to a girl who he's been friends with longer than I've known him. Tonight he asked me ...
(147 words) I'm gutted. She split up with me and I didn't see it coming. How can I fix this?
This question has
5 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
41-50 -
My girlfriend and I have just recently split up. I moved overseas to live with her after she lived in my country for two years. She told me that she dislikes the way I have spoken to her sometimes, she said she is changing and she wants to be treated like a princess. I ad...
(213 words) My GF seems uninterested in the relationship,and I'm doing all that I can. Should I stay with it or call it quits?
This question has
3 answers
- newest was posted
4915 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
30-35 -
Im always doing what i can to make my girlfriend happy. I take time out of my day to do things for her when she asks me to, and im always loving, caring, and very romantic with her. I love this girl soo much i try not to give up on our relationship. If feels like all i do for ...
(293 words) I want to make sure I'm not reading things wrong!
This question has
1 answer
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (M)
age
36-40 -
Hi, well im great friends with a girl called Sarah, we've been friends for over 3 years now and are close. I've always liked her in more than a friend way but have never really said anything to her about it. now she is really beautiful and I've been in a relationship which ...
(382 words) Does it make me out of the ordinary that I prefer guys with a solid build? Even a touch chubby?
This question has
6 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
26-29 -
Hi again my loves :) I was just wondering, if it's at all odd that I am attracted to chubby lads? Every one I know, apart from one creeper who makes it an embarrassment, likes fit, slim people. Me? I personally like chubby guys. Not like huge, but just fairly overweig...
(63 words) Why are the nice boys my age interested in dating only the narcissistic jerks?
This question has
4 answers
- newest was posted
4869 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
26-29 -
Hi there :) well, i'll get straight to the point. I'm a 15 year old girl, never been kissed, had a boyfriend, yada yada yada, the regular yawn-inducing angst. Anyway, what I was wondering is, why are most of the nice guys dating completely arrogant, narcissistic lit...
(133 words) Any possible ways that will help me get over my ex faster?
This question has
3 answers
- newest was posted
4915 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
30-35 -
Hello, It has been about 4-5 months since my ex and I were seperated. We broke up 2 months after being apart and I still have feelings for him, even with the great boyfriend I have now. I'm well aware I'll never see my ex again, so I would like to know any possible ways t...
(73 words) I don't want to get into the middle of his drama!
This question has
3 answers
- newest was posted
4900 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
36-40 -
back in feb i started to like this guy who i was working with. sad thing is i moved away after i started liking him him and i stayed in touch and we started heavy flirting thru text messages almost everyday. Iv grown to really like this guy over the last few months and i tol...
(1330 words) I seem to have no emotions. Nothing turns me on. Should I see a doctor? I want to feel more emotion
This question has
3 answers
- newest was posted
4913 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
36-40 -
I seem to have no emotions. This is something so weird and it has not gone away, I don't know how to deal with it. Around the time I was 19 I started to "not feel" much. I thought it was just a normal thing, you know, after the crazy hormonal changes that you go through in ...
(382 words) Is it really a bad idea to still have sex with my ex, if we are still great friends and care about each other?
This question has
2 answers
- newest was posted
4915 days ago
9 July 2011 (F) -
My boyfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. We are very different people. We are great friends and will always support each other. We have different ideas about the future. I am actually considering still being friends with him and maybe more. ...
(128 words) I want to be closer with my friends, but I still always feel anxious and not myself around them! What can I do?
This question has
1 answer
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
36-40 -
I guess what I'm trying to look for are people who I can just go have a chat with when I'm vulnerable and not have to worry if they are judging me. I just want to be understood, and sometimes I feel so alone when I'm with these people. I don't really blame them but rather ...
(538 words) Is my child's nanny becoming too much of a mommy to my own child?
This question has
1 answer
- newest was posted
4915 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
36-40 -
Me and the father of my child, separated 18 months ago, but we do get on really well and are good friends. I get on really well with his family to. We are all very amicable towards one another, and there are no hard feelings at all. I was spending some time recently with my...
(348 words) I'm planning to send a friend to flirt with my bf and test his loyalty to me. Is this the right thing to do?
This question has
6 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
30-35 -
Okay my boyfriend is acting kinda shady. There is this girl that just got a job as a salesperson and she's drop dead hott. She has a perfect body and she's engaged and she already slept with one of the workers he works with. And ever since she started he has been accusing me of ...
(161 words) How can I stop being shy about telling him what I want?
This question has
1 answer
- newest was posted
4915 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
30-35 -
Okay everyone i have terrible relationship problems! i am 18 and going to me a new mom any day now. i am going to try and make this as short as possible. so i broke up with my boyfriend/baby's father Saturday.He was hanging out with his friends a lot. He hung out with them Thu...
(569 words) Is there a subtle way to suggest trying bondage?
This question has
7 answers
- newest was posted
4914 days ago
9 July 2011 (F)
age
26-29 -
This is going to sound strange, but I want to experiment with bondage. I love being controlled in the bedroom and I want to ask my boyfriend about it. What is the most subtle way I can suggest this to him? Is there a subtle way to do this?...
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