A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:back in feb i started to like this guy who i was working with.sad thing is i moved away after i started liking him him and i stayed in touch and we started heavy flirting thru text messages almost everyday. Iv grown to really like this guy over the last few months and i told him i liked him. I finally moved back and we still flirt and talk about getting togehter to hangout and stuff. I been kinda confused my feelings for him lately and i was getting the feeling something was upbecause we hardly talked like we use to. So after being kinda irriated i told him earlier that i was going to leave him alone for awhile in general and he kinda got defensive saying he was tired and stuff. I told him thats fine but i was still gonna leave him alone for awhile.. he finally tells me that hes happy just being friends and stuff and is gonna try not to heavy flirt so much...he said he doesnt want to lead me on and feel more like a jerk for it... i told him i was sorry... he said i didnt do anything wrong dont worry just bad timing... so i asked him what do you meanbad timing... he said i dont know really just what im feeling i wouldnt wanna go after you just to mess around... i asked him a series of questions due to why he wouldnt wanna hangout and if something were to happen how would he feel and why he wouldnt wanna just have fun... his answer to me was im nervous to hangout with you cuz im afraid of what i would want to do... then he finally breaks it to me that hes kinda liked another girl for awhile he feels bad cuz im a great girl but dont want to mess anyting up and that he was nervous to hangout and he didnt mention the othergirl cuZ he does like talking to me and considers me as a friend and thats what was holding him back he just doesnt want to be that guy who messes with me hurts me and then run off with someone else.. he said he feels bad cuz the heavy flirting we did turned him and he went along with it.. he feels guilty for talking with me like that and liking someone else... so i told him i was happy for him and if things dont work out then he knows where to find me... he said you'll be around anyway cuz were gonna chill dont worry and that we will figure it out... i asked him if anyting was going to happen with this other girl... he said no idea she likes me finally im not getting my hopes up just takingit slow.. so my final text to him tonight was.. im gonna say one last thing cuz if i dont its going to eat me and i alwaysam the type to express my feeling... I feel like i made a complete *** out of myself and Im sorry i dragged you with me.. ill catch ya later have a goodnighthis last text to me was... you didnt not at all i like how you go after what you want and theres no last words were still gonna talk goodnightI dont know what to do... i have a feeling if we hangout something is gonna happen but at the same time i dont want to get in the middle of this drama and hes not understanding that i really dont want to stick around cuz of my feelings being involed... hes such a sweetheart no lie hes the type of guy you would want to take home to your family hes that much of a gentalman hes never disrespected me and im a pretty attractive girl i have guys always trying to getme but i cant stand jerks i thought i finally found someone who respected me for me and i was getting theses feeling of butterflies. I went down to his work yesterday and he gave me this amazing hug and when i left it felt like neither one of us wanted to let go... now he breaks this news to me and i dont know what to think or what to do... im pretty sure he likes me cuz he wouldnt be so nervous to hangout with me... should i play hard to get? i dont want to hurt his feelings if he still wants me in his life and i dont want to be mean and be like you missed out so im walking away im just so lost and sad i dont want to hurt him but im hurting :(UPDATE:so i break down and break my rule of talking to him cuz i was gonna see if he would chase me... he texted me to let me know about a job he ended up not getting and it was sweet he thought of me to let me know... so we ended up texting for a bit that night and me being such a girl i told him i was so confused and my head was spinning from him confessing his like for another girl for awhile and he told me "do you wanna know what it is I dont know whats going on with the other girl. I just wanted to make sure i gave it a chance i said i needed to change how i talk to you because i wanted to be all over you i realized that when i saw you the other night"ok so its very clear hes sexually attracted to me... i dont know if he likes me likes me enough and i dont know if he likes me likes me like he likes the other girl...what draws the line of emontional and sexual attraction... like i cant understand his thinking and its picking at my mind whats the diff between his like for this other girl and his like for me... its like hes being such a guy in my case... and im not liking the feeling cuz i know if we ended up doing anything theres gonna be a bond between us cuz i actually "like" him but he keeps saying he doesnt wanna mess around and thats it and he feels badits probably clear as day and maybe i refuse to listen to it... im a great girl and he knows this he already told me... i just cant see why his sexual attraction to me covers everything else and he already confessed when im around im all he can think about and after seeing me... but thats only because he saw me :( but good thing he already confessed of being curious and wants me badi dont know what to think how to feel or what to do... oh and last night he told me out of the blue he was gonna be in town at one of the chain stores in our area and said if i wanna i can come say hi...it sounds like this guy does like me and thinks of me alot without being real open about it... but i dont know what to think
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso i have been friends with this guy for a few months he is a really extremely shy guy he knows i like him alot last week i ended up kissing him it was nothing special just our lips pressed together for a few seconds. After he dropped me off at home i texted him & asked if he was ok he said ya i just asked weird cuz you actually intimidate me.. when i aske him what he meant his response to me was..."Because your always looking hot & you want me & you intimidate me cuz I can't live up to what you want" so i told him i would leave him alone & he said no i dont want that...
so the other day we were texting & something was bought up & of course i spilled my heart out to him cuz he was saying he never has been the initiator because of his low confidence & will never be the initiator... so i was pouring my heart out cuz i felt he needed to hear he meant something to someone... his response was.."I think deep down I just don't know what I want but as far as wanting you. I really want you but I just have trouble initiating. once I get started up you don't have to
worry about me"...
then today i saw him again & we talked about a few diff things like my past with my 2 exs who i use to live with & he was like "living with a girl isnt a good idea ever"... then i asked him if it scares him when others like him & he said no i just dont know how to deal with it...
what could possibly be the cause of his mind thinking?! i do know there was a girl he was with for like i think 3-6 months & something happened & it affected him in every other relationship after...
today out of no where he said he was working on a wedding video for his friend & was telling me how he was a huge brian mcknight fan & he played the song "the rest of my life" it was a really sweet song reminded me of him & me of course cuz im a girl & i love love songs this song was a truly an amazing song and i ended up kissing him a few times again it was alittle bit diff cuz he did
kinda kiss back nothing extreme just alittle bit of movement
i really like him i just dont want to get hurt & because im scared of getting hurt im trying to brace myself of the falling thats happening cuz i do really like him & i have feelings developing that i cant stop... right now we are just friends & i do make the first moves of kissing him...
someone please help me with this issue... i cant stop what im feeling & i dont know if i should just let things play out & take things realllllllyyyy slow.... i dont know what to do :( i cant figure him out & i dont know if im wasting my time....
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (9 July 2011):
 Phew that was A LOT of information! It sounds to me like you have done a lot of chasing here with little results. Now that he knows you like him it's his turn now to do some chasing. You need to back of and start doing things you like with your life. Show him you have a happy full life without him in it and he will most likely want to be part of it. Make him chase you for a change.
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A
female
reader, bdiehl2001 +, writes (9 July 2011):
 The thing you need to ask yourself is can you just be friends with this guy? Or are you already emotionally set in the idea of a deeper relationship with him. Since he really isn't sure what he wants. If you can't just be friends with him because it hurts to much then it would be in your best emotional interest to end it all together. However if you can be just friends then continue to talk and be friends, but put limits on the flirting; letting him no it hurts your feelings to much.
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