A
female
age
36-40,
*ellybeans20009
writes:I guess what I'm trying to look for are people who I can just go have a chat with when I'm vulnerable and not have to worry if they are judging me. I just want to be understood, and sometimes I feel so alone when I'm with these people. I don't really blame them but rather myself and the fact that we are just not compatible. These friends I have are not by any means bad people. They are pretty loyal, it's just that sometimes there are things here and there that bug the heck out of me. For example, last time I had a conversation with this one friend of mine and I ended up being really frustrated, because I was trying so hard to keep up with the conversation in a way to make it fun and lively. It was my way of trying to understand her. I felt kind of fake towards the end to be honest with you. I know it is always important to remain true to who you are, but I felt like this is what friends do, you bend a little. A part of me thinks that this is still wrong but I don't know what to think anymore.I have had previous talks/confrontations with them about our issues. It would help for a little while, but it doesn't make the problem completely go away. I just know that these people are not close friend material, or people I can truly confide in without having to worry about how I appear.On the other hand, if not them who else would i have in my life? Believe me, I have tried to make efforts in meeting new people it's just that they always seem to be in this state temporarily or they are not interested/can't develop a friendship with me. Besides I don't want to take what I have for granted.Sometimes, or most often than not always, I cave and I turn to these people I know I am incompatible with. But in the end I leave with a sour taste in my mouth because I am almost always slighted in a subtle way. It is probably not something they even notice, just in their character. Now it's gotten to the point where I really care about these girl friends of mine, but we do not mesh as well as I would like to. I really don't know what to do. On one hand I really want to be closer and have each other to lean on, but on the other hand the pieces just do not fit. I don't know how I could possibly keep them at a distance like that. I also don't know how I could keep them close because every time I am with them I start to accommodate them. I end up nervous/anxious. Lastly, I do not trust them completely and I am a person who is either all or nothing, and I suppose that's where I get myself into these things. UGH it's giving me a huge headache. Genuine advice is greatly appreciated. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 July 2011):
 Could it maybe possible that you just have trust issues with people in general? That sounds like it might be the case. You say they are loyal friends have they ever done anything that would make you feel like you cannot trust them. OK I understand that you are different, but sometimes that's the whole point in having friends who are different in you. Yes they may do little things that really annoy you, but that's all part of a friendship. Sometimes we need to look at the bigger picture and accept the flaws in people. They are still your friends and it does seem that you are happy to have them in your life. Maybe just try make an effort. Put your trust in them and if they break it well then at least you know that they are not to be trusted and that you tried. It sounds like you are looking for s soul mate to share everything with. Are you wrong for wanting that? No off course you are not, but sometimes this is very hard to find. You bend your standards a little bit for a friend just so you could understand her better, there is nothing wrong with this and you shouldn't feel guilty. It's all part of friendship.
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