A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have just broke up from my girldfriend of 1 year, but to be honest the last 2 months I may as well have been single.The first few months went well, but then I started to get very judegmental about her past, and I was nasty to her about it and asked her loads of questions about it and made her cry. The good news is that I saw what I was doing was wrong so I changed. I apoligised to her for my actions and told her that it had stopped. She said she believed me, but the damage had already been done and she couldnt forgive me. Hence the last 2 months being very distant.So I was wondering how long should I weight before I start dating again. I feel Im ready to already, but I dont think it would be right to start looking again the day we broke up. So when should I start looking again? What would be a good time to wait?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 July 2011):
If you are ready to try again at dating and relationships, you are ready, no need to wait. The only reason to wait is to give the other person some healing time and show respect to that person and the relationship you had. You need to be your own judge at how much respect you want to show her and the relationship you had, and how much you find appropriate. The relationship you had with her was between you and her after all, only you can determine how long is long enough, we can't sit and tell you how important this relationship was to you and how much you should respect it or wait. That's all up to you.
Personally I never cared for waiting to date again, but it depends on the breakup. If it was a bad break-up and I hated the guys guts, I'd jump into dating whenever I pleased, weeks or even only days after the break-up. If the breakup was decent and the relationship/person of high importance to me I would try to wait around 4 months. However I don't think I could last longer than waiting 6 months. A woman has her needs.
A
male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (9 July 2011):
from a male perspective - I agree it seems like if your still thinking about her then your not over her. On the other hand and this sounds terrible I know... if you start dating and make it very clear to the people you meet you are just having fun, meeting new friends etc then I would say its good idea to just flirt and take your mind of your ex. Who know's you might meet someone that when your ready you can move into relationship mode - you might also just get some no ties sex too! There goes my rating again....
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (9 July 2011):
 I think it is good to take a break between a break up and dating. It gives you time to gather yourself, sort anything out, reinforce your own identity, etc. The idea is to not rebound or give your heart to someone new when you dont have it put together again.
When you are ready-you will know. There is no set time.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 July 2011):
 I'm with the majority. Wait a month after the actual breakup, even though you were disconnecting while you were dating.
What's more important is to not repeat your mistakes of the past. That's part of the maturing process.
Remember in the future that your girlfriend isn't the only one who has a history. You have one too, and maybe the idea of that might help you not be so judgmental and obsessive about the girl's history.
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A
female
reader, livelifelove +, writes (9 July 2011):
are you for sure over her???
If you know deep down in your heart you are ready you should move on
trust me im in that kinda realtionsship right now he always brings up my past yes it hurts me but i love him with all my heart and i dont know what i would do without him i would give it one more month and see if you are ready to go back out there you dont want to rush into another realation ship and do you have children with this women? and is she okay with you being with someone else? are you okay with her being with someone else?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2011): If you feel you're ready, that's fine.
As Aunt Honesty said, though, it could look like you've left your girlfriend for another girl if you've only just broken up. Although you know the truth, on the outside looking in, it doesn't seem that way.
Wait about a month before dating, even if you feel you're ready. Here's why:
1. A month gives you time to make sure this is what you really want.
2. A month gives you time to work on YOU only. You're frustrated that the last two months were distant, and you said you were judgmental about her past. This indicates that maybe you had a bit of a problem with jealousy or discomfort about your girlfriend's prior actions that had nothing to do with your relationship. Fix this before you move on to another girl, whose past you potentially could judge.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 July 2011):
 Everyone is different and it takes people different times to move on. Whenever you feel ready and you want to move on well then there is nothing stopping you. I must say though going out looking for someone the same day as breaking up with your girlfriend is a bit to soon and it may look like you left her then for another girl. I would advice to give yourself another week or two just so you can come to terms with the break up and give you a little time to yourself.
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A
female
reader, Duckyhelp +, writes (9 July 2011):
 When you stop thinking of her and if you would be okay with her being with someone else. you may convince yourself that you are ready now. Give it at least another month to see how you feel now that you have properly broken up.
Good luck :)
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