A
female
age
36-40,
*bcdef123456
writes:I am really quite concerned about my dad...he is 50. I am 25. He has always eaten alot for the past ten years or so but has recently gotten worse. He eats no fruit or veg (except peas very ocassionally) and lives off a diet of coffee,cake,choc, cheese,pies,sausages,butter,full fat milk, red meat, icecream,sweets- quite literally, saturated fat. This isn't just a case of a terrible diet. I am actually scared for his health. He literally will have a meal of ten sausages and buttery mash and then immediately be reaching for a cake and then waiting 15mins before he has a trifle or a slab of cheese- I am genuinely concerned. I know you will say to talk to him but I already have and I constantly drop hints. Please help me. I'm really worried that I will end up losing him . Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2011): Judging from the list of food you have mentioned, your dad sounds as if he is comfort eating and might be suffering from depression. You don't mention your mum, so i take it your dad is single? If so, he might be feeling a bit washed up and lonely and turning to 'cupboard love'.
What ever the cause. It is time to start a tough love approach because if he carries on as he is then his diet could devastate his health before long. He is a relatively young man by today's standards and could only be half way through his life span. So he needs a wake up call now rather than later when it might be too late.
You could stand idly by and subscribe to the theory that he has to help himself. But sometimes people need help to get started, especially if they are depressed. If he is with your mum, talk to her and get her onside. Together you can work out a diet plan for him and she can make sure it is enforced! Drag him out of the house a couple of time a week and get him walking off his meals. Make him go swimming with you once a week. And try to get him talking about how he feels emotionally. He might benefit from a visit to his doctor in case he does have depression.
I know it might seem as if it is work for you but if you want him to be healthy, you will have to be there for him now.
If he is single, set him up on a few dating sites. That will get him thinking about the waist line! And you could sign him up for weightwatchers or a similar slimming club. Maybe even offer to go with him for support to begin with. He might find himself surrounded by lots of lovely ladies but that wont be a bad thing... if hes single. He could make a diet buddy there and he will find plenty of company and support.
Sometimes interfering and being a bit of a bully does work! Hints haven't worked so far, so maybe try some tough love!
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (9 July 2011):
 Does he do the food shopping? If so can you work it so that he can't shop for the food himself? Could it be that he only knows how to cook those kinds of foods too? Maybe attending some cooking classes together would be fun and educational too??
All the best I hope this situation resolves for you and him.
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A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (9 July 2011):
 hi. Make healthy meals for the both of u,and make an occasion of it. Eg. Sit at the table and eat together . Leave bowls of fruit and nuts out around the house,and healthy snacks in the fridge and cupboard.u love your dad so much. That,s beautiful. Tell him u do,and tell him u can work on it together. All the luck in the world. Natx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2011): This is a difficult situation because you can't really control what your father does, especially at an age where he doesn't need any kind of nursing home or assisted-living facility.
Sit your dad down and talk to him, don't drop hints. Even if you've already done it before, really drive home the point that you are worried and you do not want to lose your dad to poor health. Tell him you don't know what you'd do without him right now. Ask him why he eats the way he does -- probably because he enjoys it! Perhaps he also doesn't know HOW to eat healthy or what healthy eating actually is. For example, some people have heard you need protein in your diet, so they eat huge servings of meat. Others have heard that eating dairy can help you lose weight, so they eat huge servings of dairy. But really, as you know, these fatty foods in moderation are healthy, or at least a component of a healthy diet.
Offer to cook some more healthy meals for your father. If he agrees to it, he should see his GP to get his cholesterol and blood sugars checked. Some GPs have "health coaches" in their offices. A health coach is someone who can help patients set personal health goals, like losing weight or cutting back on sweets, by working with them to ensure their goals are reasonable and helping them find simple ways to achieve them. A health coach won't tell you dad he can never eat cake or trifle again; instead the coach will teach you dad that he can still indulge, but maybe only once a week.
I hope you can talk to you dad and express to him exactly what you're feeling. It's very hard to watch someone destroy themselves. Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 July 2011):
 I am really sorry that you are left worried about your father. But he needs to do something about it for himself you or anybody else cannot help him. He needs to want to eat healthy and live a healthy lifestyle. If you have already tried talking to him well then I guess nothing came of that, have you told him how much you are worrying about him and his diet?
Try and get him more active for a start. Get some exercise to burn of some of the saturated fat. Maybe you could both go out walking or even play some sport together. Try and make it sound fun and join in with him so that he feels that he is having fun instead of exercising.
As for his eating pattern well really only he can change this. Does he cook for himself? If so maybe buy him a healthy recipe book and try and get him to try new things on it. Maybe offer to cook him some healthy meals. I guess he needs something to motivate him. Maybe try and convince him to get a health check so the doctor can check his cholesterol out and check his BMI. Maybe you could both go on a health kick together so he doesn't feel like he is doing it alone. I guess that's the best that you can do for him.
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