A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I decided to come on here and write my feeling/thoughts because I needed someone to talk to and perhaps some encouraging words to get me through my heartbreak. My story:I've been seeing a guy for almost 2 years now. I knew in the back of my head that I was drawn to him as he was to me and I felt something strong for him all along. Thing moved on rather slowly...no commitments or anything of that sort however in the past few months he finally came out and told me that he loves me, wants to have a family with me, we've discussed a future together but he never officially asked me to be with him. Since he never asked, I finally came out in the opened today and asked him myself. His answer: "I like you being in my life but don't think I am ready for anything really serious." I've spent the past years thinking about him, loving him, and hoping to be with him someday and now all of a sudden everything changed. I take it that if he is not ready then he never will be, he was probably never that into me.I don't know how to deal with this situation? I love him and I'm really hurt. I wish he would give me some closure but he hasn't, he naively asked why I was asking him all this and that was it. Any advice? Thank you. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (10 July 2011):
sounds to me he is scared of commitment and by asking him that he has realised you want more i would talk to him properly and tell him how you really feel or if you feel he is worth sticking by stay with him and see what happens personally i wouldnt put myself through that hurt though good luck
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 July 2011):
 OK fair enough if it was a few months, but two years and still no commitment, he must be dumb if he cannot understand why you would bring this subject up. Have you both talked about what the terms are between you both and if you can both see other people as well?
Its not like you are asking for marriage or anything, just a title to show that he cares. It shows me that he still wants to lead a single life, which if that's what he wants fair enough but he shouldn't keep stringing you along. If it was me at this stage it would be all or nothing and I would keep to me word, if he didn't want it well then I would walk away. It doesn't sound like he is going to want to settle down any time soon.
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A
female
reader, Loiselle +, writes (10 July 2011):
 I understand the heartbreak you feel, as I was in a similar situation when I was young.
You are wanting closure, to understand what the hell he has been thinking, feeling.
But you already have your answer:
"I like you being in my life but don't think I am ready for anything really serious."
If you want to continue being strung along and being bounced up and down like a yo-yo, stay with him a while longer.
If on the other hand, you truly want to find someone who is able and ready for emotional intimacy (someone mature) then break it off. Yes you will cry many tears, go through suffering. But the suffering will ease and may even disappear more quickly than you think!
If you break it off, you open yourself to a life without the dramas that inevitably happen when one partner is unable to commit. You are still young and there are people who CAN give you what you need.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2011): Wait a minute . . . you were never officially "with him"? After 2 years together?
If you were never officially engaged I can understand that. But if you were never even officially his GF in all that time then you were just deluding yourself.
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