A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have just recently split up. I moved overseas to live with her after she lived in my country for two years. She told me that she dislikes the way I have spoken to her sometimes, she said she is changing and she wants to be treated like a princess.I admit to having a sarcastic nature and can be cheeky but I never knew it was affecting the relationship this much. We have been together over 5 years and I'm absolutely gutted and can't get my head around it. She has moved in with her parents and said she's gone to think things through but I fear she has already made her mind up. I would do anything to be with her but she says we have nothing in common. After the first few months I would hve thought she would have realised that I dont like girly things and she doesnt like doing guy things. I never saw this as a major problem and we had never talked about it until she wanted to leave.Any advice would be much appreciated as I am gutted and have so many questions unanswered.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2011): Thanks guys,all the suggestions and advice has been really usefull.
I spoke with her sister last night and she said she has always been a bit imature and unable to tell people her feelings. I asked her about anyone else on the scene and she said there is a guy who comes to her restaurant and has been paying her a lot of attention. She said she spoke weeks ago about enjoying this attention and that she may act on it in the future. She did say that this was not the main reason for the split but that it may be secondary.
Last night I was in a rage about it but seemed to have a bit of closure that I don't know if I can be with someone as shallow to leave a relationship when someone pays them a bit of attention. She has lost a lot of weight recently and now she may be using this to her advantage.
I'll probably lay off questioning her about the new man and try and concentrate on getting my life together. Best that she comes and talks to me when she wants and if she wants. She left saying she wanted to go to her parents to think and would come around to talk but her sister said she is adamant it is over.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (9 July 2011):
 and sorry about spelling 'communicating' very badly. What a word to miss-spell in my answer??
Regards,
Abella
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (9 July 2011):
After all the time you spent together I would think that surely the two of you do have things in common. So I think it is a bit tough for her to say that you and she have, 'nothing in common'.There are many relationships throughout the world when he's a man's man and she has her girly pink centred joys. But such relationships usually have a range of shared experiences, goals, shared values, attitudes, motivations to work towards a better shared future. So it's a bit cruel to suggest that you lack things in common.What you may be describing is the lack of a shared attitude to humor. Some people do not grasp the concept of 'ironic', but I bet you do. Different cultures think of different things as 'entertaining'. Just think of those Tokyo based programs where the contestants eat live insects on camera and have other unthinkable things done to them. And the audience cheers. Could it be more to do with her parents 'gettiing '' into here ear? Could it be that they have other plans for their daughter? And she lacks the courage to go against her respected parent's views?Ask her if you can meet her? Choose a public place, maybe a pretty park? Of a discreet table at a nice coffee place where you can talk. Away from any influences and ask her to be very very honest with you. After the time you have spent together it is the very least you deserve.Pour your heart out to her. Bring along a love poem that expresses what you are feeling. The net, or even DearCupid may be able to help give you some ideas for a good love poem for your Princess. If it goes well and you walk out together happy then make sure there is a florist nearby and she is still beside you then inside on asking her to point out her favorite flowers and ask the florist to wrap them up for your princess. Try to get to the heart of what she is seeking and what she needs and wants. Listen to her every word. Ask some clarifying questions. Demonstrate your empathy, so that she realises that you are on the same page as her.But if you discern that she has no motivation to continue the relationship then ask her, ''what do you need from me?''And work out how you can work with her if you feel her requirements are achievable.The only proviso is if Avarice is part of the problem then you do have a problem. If she judges the relationship entirely by how much she receives in material goods then be very afraid. If she will not be satisfied with less than 5 bedrooms and 6 bathrooms, then trust me in ten years she will not be satisfied with less than two overseas holidays a year, 15 bedrooms and 11 bathrooms.When a couple really love each other they could sit beside each other while he fishes and one hour would seem like a minute.But when love has gone then nothing will ever be 'enough' nor 'right'And where the connection is not strong then one minute together will seem like 10 excruciating difficult hours.If you have been less than courteous in your style of communatung then be alert for how a lack of empthy can derail relationships. If it looks as if her resolve is faltering and might be considering resuming the relationship then the really hard work will start to rebuild the relationship. Maybe even some couples cancelling.If she is entirely agreeing with her parents long term aims and goals and directions, for your girl. And if your own Net Worth in terms of $ is the issue with her parents then that is wrong. And if she has not the courage to stand up for herself in the face of what could be meddling then she may lack backbone. And it is good that you discovered it now and not later.You don't need to alter your laconic aspects nor your ironic aspects. Many girls would find that laid back approach attractive. If you are sometimes too Cheeky? What is there not to love about cheeky?? It works for many girls.But sarcastic, well yes that might be an area you could address, as it can be hurtful. But what one person calls sarcastic another person might just call cynical. But if your sarcasm is hurtful and judgemental then please deal with it. As if will derail other relationships if it is too pronounced.But if one really adores a guy we often over-look some traits that would be deal-breakers with another person where there was not love, acceptance, empathy and consideration already present in the relationship. Being too quick to judge can also hurt.You sound like a nice guy. You even went to live with her in her country. If you are being unfairly judged in this situation then she may be doing you a very big favor.I do hope it can work out well for youRegards, Abella
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 July 2011):
 She wants to be treated like a princesses. What you don't want to do is seem needy. She doesn't want someone who seems obsessively attached to her, but believe me, I know when emotions are flaring, how you could come across that way. Personally speaking. I'd say goodbye. But I'd have a powerful statement at the end. Agree with her. "You know, you're absolutely right.... I was thinking last night how I really didn't treat you nearly as well as I should have treated you. I apologize from the bottom of my heart, I don't deserve you, and I will accept that. etc. etc. etc." '
In doing you, you'd be manning up, saying good bye, but affirming what she said, acknowledging why she left, accepting it, and leaving her knowing how you would have made it different, if you would have come to this point early. That you may be a guy worth giving another chance too. I don't know. It's worth a try, and really the only advise I have with someone in your situation. I hope it helps. Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2011): I'm sorry to here this, You will be ok! It sounds like she has been unhappy for a while, with the relationship. You need to give her the space, to decide, what she wants. If she comes back to you then great, at least you know, her feelings are still their for you. If not then, your going to have to move on and except it for what it is. Do you love her? If so or, even care for her, for that matter, then you will want her to be happy, wether that be with or with out you.
I had this same kind of similar problem with my ex. He didn't speak to me very nice and it upset me. So much to the point that it use to drain all my energy. I'm very sensitive and my ex was very aggressive, so it was a bit of a nightmare.
Maybe she meant that you two couldn't find common groud, when she said you have nothing in common.
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