How to handle this feeling of helplessness as I don't want to date a separated man?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months. He has been separated for three years. His wife had an affair and now has a partner and two very young children. They have an 18 year old who lives with her. He assured me when we met that he has no f...
A. 9 November 2013: I totally didn't think of something before when I gave my previous answer, and I usually don't miss financial stuff like this:
I had to wonder why at 9 months he was so willing to buy a house yet shutting down when it comes to divorce, and a li... (read in full...)
How do I work this out? He shows no emotion at all. And in his own words is broken.
Q. My boyfriend of 9 months last night told me he doesn't love me anymore. I basically dragged it out of him. We have had loads of fights. Maybe everyday. But we are trying to work on this relationship. Both of his parents have cancer. (May contrib...
A. 9 November 2013: One more thing, and I have to say it - if my Mom had cancer, remission or otherwise, I'd be the biggest Mama's kid in the entire world, and it would mean everything to me if my son loved me like that if I had cancer!... (read in full...)
How do I work this out? He shows no emotion at all. And in his own words is broken.
Q. My boyfriend of 9 months last night told me he doesn't love me anymore. I basically dragged it out of him. We have had loads of fights. Maybe everyday. But we are trying to work on this relationship. Both of his parents have cancer. (May contrib...
A. 8 November 2013: What does it matter if a parent is in remission??! From the moment the diagnosis is handed down, life is not the same and will never be the same unless the doctor says that the cancer is "cured", which is extremely rare. Remission means ... (read in full...)
How do I work this out? He shows no emotion at all. And in his own words is broken.
Q. My boyfriend of 9 months last night told me he doesn't love me anymore. I basically dragged it out of him. We have had loads of fights. Maybe everyday. But we are trying to work on this relationship. Both of his parents have cancer. (May contrib...
A. 8 November 2013: Two months ago, my father died of leukemia. It was the worst, most awful thing I've ever had to go through, and believe me, I've gone through a lot. It's a normal defense mechanism to go into an emotional shock or catatonic state due to emotional ... (read in full...)
Why do exes try harder with someone else?
Q. I had an ex who turned up blind drunk on a date, with a friend. Then demanded I take them home. Obviously I stopped seeing him after that. Then months later begged me back, stood me up, gloated about his "new life" and kept sending me various ...
A. 8 November 2013: Threatened people don't continue to engage their exes. They don't continue to check up and wait for a reply. They don't pay attention to the treatment they give their new girlfriends. If you were threatened, they wouldn't know or care how the ... (read in full...)
What to say to queue jumpers?
Q. I waited outside in the heat yesterday, to get my book signed by a famous entertainer. I'm heavily pregnant and still people thought of nothing of jumping the queue. I always seem to be an easy target for this sort of Behaviour? I unfortunately ...
A. 7 November 2013: I would say in a loud voice "Excuse me, the line begins THERE." and then point to the end of the line.
If they gave you grief, remember that you aren't alone in your irritation, but that like you, other people don't like the confront... (read in full...)
Why do exes try harder with someone else?
Q. I had an ex who turned up blind drunk on a date, with a friend. Then demanded I take them home. Obviously I stopped seeing him after that. Then months later begged me back, stood me up, gloated about his "new life" and kept sending me various ...
A. 7 November 2013: He tried to get back with you, you refused, so he moved on. It's quite possible that he matured some and his losing you was a wake-up call to treat his next girlfriend better.
Why are you keeping up on him and comparing his treatment of his new ... (read in full...)
Why do abusive men cheat?
Q. I just got out of an abusive relationship. Not only was he physically and verbally abusive but now I found out that he had been cheating on me our entire relationship. He always had accused me of cheating and now I know why because he was the one ...
A. 7 November 2013: Heh, my question is, Why didn't you leave him sooner?
This isn't a generality. You had a defective, stupid, mean, cheating asshat of a guy. What else is there to say? Non-Abusive guys cheat, and some abusive guys never cheat, but obsess o... (read in full...)
How to handle this feeling of helplessness as I don't want to date a separated man?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months. He has been separated for three years. His wife had an affair and now has a partner and two very young children. They have an 18 year old who lives with her. He assured me when we met that he has no f...
A. 6 November 2013: He lied to you to get to you. That's what feels wrong. Also, unless he's divorced, he's a married man. He told you that the divorce was "underway". That was a lie.
Whether or not his wife had an affair is irrelevant. All that matters is your ... (read in full...)
I want him to respect me and want me again, but am I pushing him away?
Q. So I've posted here twice the last week about my ex who I've been dating for 2 months. We broke up because I started pressuring him for more of a commitment. He wasn't ready. Weve been fighting for 2 weeks. He finally called me a drama queen and ...
A. 6 November 2013: I think I remember your earlier posts. If you want a relationship with him, why are you worried that rebuffing his "no strings attached" sex is "pushing him away"? WAKE UP! If he's not after being your boyfriend, you don't want him!
No game pla... (read in full...)
My friend and my husband are flrting and texting. Please help!
Q. My friend and my husband have been flirting with each other for some time. Texting each other a lot. Her son is also a friend of my son so the situation is very delicate. I noticed my husband watching her if we were in company and following her ...
A. 6 November 2013: Oh yeah, this woman is being very inappropriate. Talking about your husband's "gorgeousness", telling you to take better care of him, putting her hands on his chest, texting and flirting constantly, she's getting off on getting his attention. He's ... (read in full...)
Disastrous haircut! How do I deal with it?
Q. I know this may seem the silliest of issues and I feel very stupid asking for help over such trivial matter. So, I've had my hair cut super super super short yesterday. I thought I'd look good but... I don't!!! I look awful!!! Even my colleagues and ...
A. 6 November 2013: My mother was trained as a hairdresser/cosmetologist and did it most of my life as a young child. She trained under and worked for one of the best hairdressers in the world (Victor Horst, founder of the Horst Salon and Aveda products).
He wa... (read in full...)
My new boyfriend is depressed and cuts people, including me, off. What should I do?
Q. Okay so I don't know what's going on. A few weeks ago I started dating my boyfriend. Everything was going well, and we were both so into each other, but all of the sudden, one night he started acting distant and funny towards not just me, but ...
A. 5 November 2013: If you're going into the field, that's a much BIGGER reason to not stick around. Maybe you didn't get what I said here:
He has UNCHECKED depression! If he had diagnosed depression, is under a doctor's care, and is following both medical and psyc... (read in full...)
Controlling gag reflex during oral sex with a bigger man
Q. I love giving oral sex, taste or smell are not a deterrent. My current boyfriend has a larger penis, and I would like to know how to stop from gagging. I know I can use my hand to control penetration, but I would like to know how to handle, ...
A. 5 November 2013: You can give him 10 times the pleasure if you DON'T deep throat him! Like Person12345 has said, the nerve endings are in the glans! Get skilled with your tongue and vary the pressure of your lips, you can blow his mind as well as his load!
I had... (read in full...)
Husband had an affair and then tells me "I chose you". What does that mean?
Q. Hello, To the ladies out there, if a man had an "affair" and you only finds out about a couple of years later, and he says to you, "I chose you, didn't I?" How would you perceive that? To the men, what exactly do you mean by uttering those w...
A. 5 November 2013: I bet *anything* that he was with her on a regular basis, then she started making demands and starting the pressure on him to leave you for her, and he did what many guys do when their mistresses start wanting more than simple illicit sex - he ... (read in full...)
My new boyfriend is depressed and cuts people, including me, off. What should I do?
Q. Okay so I don't know what's going on. A few weeks ago I started dating my boyfriend. Everything was going well, and we were both so into each other, but all of the sudden, one night he started acting distant and funny towards not just me, but ...
A. 4 November 2013: I gotta tell you something, and I don't care if it makes me sound a little heartless or whatever, but it *has* to be said.
You are not his therapist, his mom, his caretaker, or his nurturer. Three weeks is much too soon for these things to manif... (read in full...)
Do guys think it's wierd for a girl to make the first move?
Q. I really like this guy and he knows. Hes super shy so he hasnt really made any moves (I think he likes me but im not sure because ive never had a guy like me before). I really want to kiss him next time I see him so I was wondering if it was weird ...
A. 4 November 2013: I made the first move! We're now married for 15 years! :)
It's the 21st century, so it's okay for a girl to make the first move! Doesn't mean you're needy or clingy, so just bait the hook, then play it cool!
Some guys just get paralyzed at... (read in full...)
How can I get my dear bunny girlfriend back?
Q. Six weeks ago, I met a beautiful young woman online who I ended up falling head over heels in love with. She was affectionate, caring, beautiful, we got on fantastically, the sex was amazing, and she seemed to be into me just as much as I was into ...
A. 3 November 2013: Do you still live with your ex? If the answer is "yes", then don't even bother asking how to get her back. Get your own house in order and make arrangements to either move out yourself, or she needs to. If you're waiting on the end of a lease, ... (read in full...)
I have a great fear of betrayal. Do you feel the same way?
Q. My wife and I were discussing the past and the issue of trust came up. Specifically, when we met, the circle of people that I trusted could be counted on one hand and within that circle was one person I felt would never betray me. To this day, ...
A. 2 November 2013: I think you need to go deeper than a fear of betrayal. You mentioned something in your post that is very illuminating. You say that you "project pessimism"? That's the issue. If you thought the best of people, you wouldn't obsess over betrayal. ... (read in full...)
I hate having sex with my bf any hellppp???
Q. me and my boyfriend have been together on and off for the past 4 and a half years and i hate having sex with him. we are soooo different i like agressivness sexually and he likes gentleness. he only lasts about 2 minutes which is so frustrating for ...
A. 2 November 2013: 5 years?! If you haven't talked to him about whether or not you enjoy your sex life with him, then this relationship is in serious trouble.
The size of his penis is irrelevant here, as the majority of women can not achieve orgasm through ... (read in full...)
How can I be sure our relationship won't just turn into a FWB?
Q. I wrote earlier in the week and got some great responses. So thank u.My original post was about a guy ive been seeing for 2 months. We got into a huge fight (started by me) about being more committed. I flipped out on him and he told me it was done. ...
A. 2 November 2013: I agree. You didn't state what your position in the commitment argument was, but since you said that he stated he "didn't want drama", and you were the one who apologized, and the title of this question suggests that you do NOT want it to be an ... (read in full...)
My friend expects me to do sexual things that I am not ready to do!
Q. Okay so my guy friend talks about having oral sex with me and he wants me to squirt on him and I am nervous because I don't want to have sex with him if we are not married. We went out only one time and with my ex- boyfriends they never put that ...
A. 1 November 2013: You don't sound 41-50.
First date? Yeah, don't go on a second one with him. Tell him you're not interested in casual sex, and then if he keeps pressuring, stop seeing him.... (read in full...)
He cannot take any criticism but dishes it out very well.. How do I make him see this without fighting about it? I am tired!
Q. I have been with my husband for seven years I work(taxes) four months outside the home and the rest of the year I am a stay at home mom. I like this schedule because my kids are young teens and I am here for them when they are home and I al...
A. 1 November 2013: Hmm...You're married to your husband for 7 years, but you have young teenagers? Is it safe to say that these teenagers are not his children, but yours from a previous marriage? If that is the case, are you receiving adequate child support from the ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my parents about this much older guy in prison?
Q. I am in love with a man that's 24 years older than me seems to really feel the same about me he is wanting to become a pastor really soon he knows slot about the Bible and he is devoted to God he is 53 I'm 29 he is currently in prison and has only ...
A. 31 October 2013: I have to tell you something - my cousin fell in love with a guy from prison for three years, and he said the same thing to her as well. He was religious, wanted to go on the mission field, etc. She had a 3-year old son from a previous marriage. ... (read in full...)
He's a great guy, except for his sex drive
Q. I am frustrated beyond belief and the worst part is, I will NEVER EVER cheat. My boyfriend (who is, admittedly, a very good guy) and I have been together almost 3.5 years. No engagement ring yet and he always claims it's money which I get because ...
A. 31 October 2013: Alright, there are a few warning signs I see here. You said that this was a long-term relationship, as in 3.5 years? I'm guessing this low of a sex drive isn't how it started, right? When you first started out, it was a lot higher and more ... (read in full...)
Will my boyfriend lose interest when his son (to another woman) is born?
Q. My boyfriend is having a baby with his ex and is due very soon, I'm worried once the babys born me and my boyfriend will grow apart as he will be looking after his son and being there for his son, I don't want that to happen me and him are very ...
A. 31 October 2013: @CMMP - the beauty of this site is the different perspectives given based on different experiences and backgrounds. There is no bitterness in my answer. I simply see a trajectory that suggests a bit of immaturity and flakiness in this guy. That's ... (read in full...)
Will my boyfriend lose interest when his son (to another woman) is born?
Q. My boyfriend is having a baby with his ex and is due very soon, I'm worried once the babys born me and my boyfriend will grow apart as he will be looking after his son and being there for his son, I don't want that to happen me and him are very ...
A. 30 October 2013: Actually, this guy is really bad news. If there's one thing that screams "RED FLAG" in terms of guys never to date, it's a guy who abandons his pregnant girlfriend AND DATES another before that baby is even born!
He treated the mother of his son ... (read in full...)
Can you have a serious relationship with a man 7-8 years younger than yourself?
Q. What if a man is younger by 7-8 years than the woman , can they give each other a secure relationship? Specially if they purpose it to marry not just time pass . How do a woman know he is really serious to marry inspite of age gap and not taking her ...
A. 30 October 2013: One of my best friends is about to celebrate her 30th wedding anniversary, and she's 9 years older than he is. He was 25 and she was 34 when they married, and they had two kids who are both in college now.... (read in full...)
So broken after a fight....Is there hope?
Q. My boyfriend of 6 months and I got into a huge fight last night. Yesterday I came back from work and school feeling pretty overwhelmed the whole day. I came over to his place thinking that he was really excited to see me because he texted me "come ...
A. 30 October 2013: I would have dropped him the very second he called me a c*nt. There is no justification for verbal abuse. You came over so he ignored you to play video games. You didn't sign up to be a wall fixture there to service him and get him a sandwich. ... (read in full...)
Does this man's mother feel I am competition?
Q. I am with a man 16 yrs my senior. His mother is in her 80s and is so jealous of our relationship. She gets mad at how much time we spend together. She tells him alot of negative things about me and says he ignores her. I have never heard of this ...
A. 30 October 2013: It might be two things here at work:
It very well could be competition. I know that my husband's mom had an issue with me because before I showed up, he had never been serious with anyone else, and that once I showed up, she was sure I'd "take hi... (read in full...)
My child's father suddenly wants to play a bigger role in her life
Q. I have a child with my ex, she is 3, and I have raised her completely on my own with a little help from my family and her father's sister. I never asked her father to stick around me, but I practical begged him to play a part in his daughter's life, ...
A. 30 October 2013: From both an objective AND a selfish standpoint, it's all good for you actually. You don't *have* to let him back into YOUR life, but he is a child support paying father who actually dumped the girlfriend and the party life to be with his daughter ... (read in full...)
My jealousy and insecurities are ruining my relationship
Q. I create drama in my relationship because I'm insecure and jealous. And I'm on the last leg with my boyfriend because he hates being treated like he's done something wrong just because I feel insecure and paranoid. Any advice on how I can get past ...
A. 29 October 2013: Do the opposite of what you've been doing! If you're feeling like questioning him about his whereabouts, do the opposite by wishing him a good time, and mean it!
If you're feeling like you're wanting to snoop through his stuff, tell him how you'... (read in full...)
Co worker goes from friend to just a co worker?
Q. Hi. I work at a school and it pays ok for now. Well I am engaged and there is a male coworker who is married with a baby. We hit it off and became friends at work, so I thought. We both talked a lot during work and texts about games work etc not ...
A. 29 October 2013: It's quite possible his wife saw the texts back and forth and took issue with all of his involvement with you. Sometimes there is a degree of jealousy that takes place when a spouse seems to show more attention and affection for a friend than them. ... (read in full...)
Does being cheated on make you more likely to cheat?
Q. What do you think? My girlfriend's last boyfriend cheated on her. Would that make her more likely? Since her experience with her ex, she is very jealous with me. That is understandable. I wonder if that makes it more likely for her to cheat. ...
A. 28 October 2013: I think it's different with every person. I have been cheated on before, and if anything, it would make me not able to live with myself if I ever inflict the kind of devastation that was inflicted on me.
I have never cheated on any guy I've eve... (read in full...)
What can I do about this controlling guy?
Q. i been with my significant other for 6 years and hes always been the jealous type, always in my business, wanting to know my facebook password, my email password my phone code to unlock my phone etc, doesnt want me to have friends and i have lost ...
A. 27 October 2013: Let me get this straight - he lives in Florida and you live in New York, and he can control you to this extent in a long distance relationship?
DROP HIM.
If you're afraid of him, file a restraining order if he threatens you. Seriously, chang... (read in full...)
I found a sex video on my boyfriend phone and it has just devastated me
Q. I recently found a video on my boyfriend's old mobile phone of his ex giving him oral sex, and a few photos of her just in her underwear. I can't help feelings like he kept them because I'm not enough for him. I've never had much confiden...
A. 27 October 2013: If it's on his old phone and he let you use it, then it's obvious he forgot about it. I know it's disturbing to see a video of an intimate moment with his ex, but don't take it personally! He's not with her anymore, and the fact that it was locked ... (read in full...)
Did I offend her?
Q. Did I offend her? I'm originally from Pakistan and studying at a university in London. There I befriended a Lebanese girl. We became really good friends. We hung out and did all kinds of stuff together. She usually interacted with other girls and ...
A. 26 October 2013: No, you didn't offend her, but you rejected her outright when you answered that your life partner should be Pakistani.
She liked you as more than a friend. She was asking you the question about your type of girl because she was interest... (read in full...)
Should I be alone for a while?
Q. Hi, I recently dumped my girlfriend of 4 years and now I'm single. Directly after I dumped her I met a girl that I knew a little from before. She was also about to dump her boyfriend since he was a douchebag. However, we talked and texted and t...
A. 26 October 2013: Your entire issue with her is summed up in these words:
She was "about to dump" her douchebag boyfriend. Her flaky behavior and desire for you to slow down after getting all hot and heavy is because she HASN'T dumped him. Rule number 1: Never g... (read in full...)
Does my ex want me back after I had a miscarriage?
Q. Hi. I am doing no contact with my ex but he keeps coming into my work. I am so mad with him for what he did to me I don't think I can ever forgive him. We have split up once before and he would not stop ringing my fone for weeks and then eventua...
A. 26 October 2013: You said this:
"all that week we was arguing things got said to each other because we were so annoyed. He told me it was just sex between us I was absolutely devastated. "
Don't make any mistake - he didn't just say things to hurt you. He sh... (read in full...)
Baby momma drama or MM who swears he's getting a divorce?
Q. I moved to another state to be with a man I lived with for 5 years. He moved here to be with his daughter in the mean time I met another guy back home who treated me like a queen for the short time I knew him. He wants me to move back and be with ...
A. 26 October 2013: I'm confused. You've been together with a guy for 5 years, right? But you're cheating on him with a married man?
The married man's vow that he's "gonna divorce" is worthless. Don't even think about him unless the divorce is final, because ... (read in full...)
Is this what love is?
Q. What is Love? I have been with my girlfriend for just over a year now. I do care about her, have fun with her, find her funny, clever, beautiful etc. But is that what love is? I'm there for her whenever she needs, we never fight but do have the ...
A. 26 October 2013: What is Love?
Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me, no more.
(sorry, your opening line got that song stuck in my head!)
I'm more interested in asking you a question, because since I'm not in your head, I can't say whether you are actually... (read in full...)
I'm expecting my ex boyfriend's child and I don't know if I should tell him and break his current girlfriend's heart.
Q. I'm expecting my ex boyfriend's child and I don't know if I should tell him and break his current girlfriend's heart. Basically, when we broke up, we made a stupid agreement to still have sex from time to time. I ended things because I got sick of ...
A. 26 October 2013: Listen, you do what's right for the child, and what's right is to make sure he or she is supported by both parents. The time is long past to try to spare someone's feelings. He made his bed, and now he needs to sleep in it. Also, you took issue ... (read in full...)
Friendship with women is no problem, but relationships are another matter
Q. Why I get along well with my female friends for years but not in relationship? Why the same spark in relationship ends quickly and negative things get bigger and bigger? Why I talk to my female friends for hours and hours on Internet, phone and in ...
A. 25 October 2013: Actually, I have a great bit of advice for you:
You said that you have many platonic female friends, right? The people you should be asking is THEM.
You remind me of a really close platonic friend of mine who asked my advice regarding the ex... (read in full...)
My period is due when I've arranged to see my fwb
Q. I'm supposed to be going round to my fwb's place this weekend but I'm due my period within the next few days. If it hasn't arrived when I go round should I warn him I'm due on or not mention anything and just hope it doesn't? What do the guys ...
A. 25 October 2013: I wouldn't go into talking about my period, no way! I'd just say something came up and reschedule for next weekend. That sort of thing is TMI for a casual FWB unless he's a gynecologist, and maybe not even then!... (read in full...)
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