A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So I've posted here twice the last week about my ex who I've been dating for 2 months. We broke up because I started pressuring him for more of a commitment. He wasn't ready. Weve been fighting for 2 weeks. He finally called me a drama queen and told me its completely over. After doing lots of research I decided to stop contacting him. Well it worked. The last 2 days he's been reaching out to me. I've engaged in small talk via text with him. Then today he came over to pick up a few of his things. While he was here he was very different. He was kind, joking around, and even pulled me in for a kiss before he left (which I gave him in the cheek not the mouth). Now he just texted me asking if I wanted to sleep over (knowing I have my period so that means no sex). I declined... now I'm wondering if I made a mistake. Is this going to push him away even more? I trying a little "hard to get" tactic. I was always willing and available to him before. So I'm trying to be different now. He said I was being too clingy before. I'm afraid he took that for granted. But I'm not sure if I'm holding back too much now. What do I do so I don't keep pushing him away but make him respect and want me again? Am I doing the right thing?
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (7 November 2013):
 I don't think you should have to play these games. With the right person, it shouldn't be necessary.
You did the right thing not going to the sleep over - plenty of people still have sex or intimacy when on their period so don't assume that wasn't on his mind or his motive.
I say go No Confact for good. You shouldn't have to chase a man (or play games). Good luck with the next guy. With this guy, it was his loss.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (7 November 2013):
I think you did the right thing. But, I do think that by now, he should be able to decide if he wants to be exclusive or not.
I think you should just try going no contact for a few weeks and see how you feel. I know it's hard (I'm doing it right now as well and it sucks!) but it gets easier and you start to, for lack of a better phrase, pull your head out of your ass. You won't feel as helpless and you'll be worrying A LOT less! So don't talk to him AT ALL, don't respond to his texts, even small talk.
But don't feel bad or second guess yourself for not staying the night with him. He's just seeing what he can get away with and now he knows you're not going to go running to him and stay the night just because he came over and put on the charm.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 November 2013):
 Honestly, IT was a 2 MONTHS relationship. YOU TWO barely got started and it got THAT complicated THAT fast? You know that should tell you it's NOT going to work long term.
The first two months is still the courting stage, where you go out on dates, TALK til the sun comes up, compare notes to see if you are really compatible.
When you said you pushed for more commitment - was your post with the guy who all of a sudden had a LOT of work and was not there at all for the second month? If so, he shouldn't even be dating. His career is #1 priority for him (and that is OK) but he isn't looking for a woman who isn't OK with being #2 - you WEREN'T OK with being #2. So why still engage in this dance with him? HE ISN'T going to change his tune.
You pushed, he said:" OK, TOO MUCH drama" and walked away. Then he decided to "reach out" to you again, well maybe because he hopes that you would either tone down on the "commitment" and maybe you would JUST do the whole "fwb" thing instead. Because he DOESN'T want to be your BF.
He now has you doubting yourself. He called you drama and now you don't know which way is up.
If you continue this he will pop in and out when it's CONVENIENT for him and his career. Or he will only want a NSA/FWB thing.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 November 2013):
 I think I remember your earlier posts. If you want a relationship with him, why are you worried that rebuffing his "no strings attached" sex is "pushing him away"? WAKE UP! If he's not after being your boyfriend, you don't want him!
No game playing here. Drop him permanently. There are other guys out there who are much more mature than this one. He likes the chase, but he'll drop you when he has sex with you, and you'll feel worse.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 November 2013):
 When a guy breaks up with you, go no contact, then the next thing he wants is sex, you can safely assume that sex is what he's after and nothing else. You did not push him away. He didn't know you have a period if you didn't tell him. Now he could be thinking he needs a different strategy so you would put out for him. I think a guy wants a commitment because he wants to commit to the right girl, at the right time, period. If a guy only commits when a woman pulls away then he just wants the chase. 2 months is a plenty of time to make decisions regarding exclusivity. If you don't get that after 2 months there is no relationship to speak of. You are right to want exclusivity. There is no need to get dramatic over that but wanting a relationship does not equal being needy. You decide how many times you want to meet in a week and if he's too flaky or busy then it's time to drop him. If you have to play hard to get even at the beginning stages then you would have to stick to that game all your life, until there is nothing left to get. I would not bother with him if I were you. You can work on regulating your emotions and find a guy who's eager to be with you. The first 2 months is a time when couples can't get enough of each other. It's normal to need space, but not at the courting stages, though. Unless you are some crazy stalker who demands texting and calling at all times during the day, it's very normal to want a commitment after 2 months.
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