A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently found a video on my boyfriend's old mobile phone of his ex giving him oral sex, and a few photos of her just in her underwear. I can't help feelings like he kept them because I'm not enough for him. I've never had much confidence in the bedroom, mainly because my first partner constantly put me down and told me I wasn't enough of a woman for him. All my other partners (3) have commented on how nervous I am when it comes to sex, apart from my boyfriend now. He actually spent time helping me have confidence by taking things slowly, even though I knew he had a high sex drive, so I thought it was great he put my needs first. Whenever we have sex, it's wonderful and he's the first guy I have ever had an orgasm with. But I still don't feel up to everything he wants to try, like roleplay, different positions, him using toys on me, ect. I know he wants to film us but I don't think I would ever let him do that. I've been with him for a year almost. His ex is a pure sex kitten, long blonde hair, tiny waist, constantly dressed like shes on a catwalk. They ended things after a few fights, but are still friendly.I found the video when I borrowed his old phone when my mine had to go away from repair. I only found it by chance, as I was trying to find things that were on my memory card. The video was saved to the interal memory and locked. I haven't confronted him about it because I don't want to lose him or from him to confirm what I already think. How can I gain enough confidence to really him interested, or to help me with my own problems? Im 22, he's 24.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (27 October 2013):
 If it's on his old phone and he let you use it, then it's obvious he forgot about it. I know it's disturbing to see a video of an intimate moment with his ex, but don't take it personally! He's not with her anymore, and the fact that it was locked into an old phone merely means he forgot about it.
As for your nervousness, that's a separate issue that has nothing to do with a forgotten video. You could nicely tell him that you found a sex video of him and his ex on the old phone and then just ask him if he could delete it or if he's okay with you doing the same. I don't do sex tapes, but my husband found an old love letter from someone else in and old memory box once several years ago, and he asked me if I needed it still. I tore it up without hesitation. I just had forgotten it was there. I read it before I got rid of it, and just shook my head.
You personally need to put the baggage of your first jerk ex behind you. He has nothing to do with your current boyfriend.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2013): I agree with intrigued3000, he probably forgot the video was there. If he were hiding something, he wouldn't have given you the phone or he would have erased it first. I know that when I let someone borrow my phone (even if they're using it in front of me), I delete messages and calls unless they're really important. I'm not hiding anything (don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, am not looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend, I'm not buying or selling or using drugs, and there's no sexting. I just know that people snoop. You weren't snooping, you were checking memory. I would personally say something, only because it bothers you so much. A simple, "Hey, I was looking for some things on my memory card and I came across something you probably want to erase" If you don't feel comfortable with that, don't do it. I just hope your boyfriend is the type that ISN'T going to think you're picking fights about things.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (27 October 2013):
 It's possible that he forgot this video is still on his phone. It's also possible that he still looks at it from time to time. Not knowing your boyfriend and how he is as a person, we can't tell you for certain that he never watches it now, even if that possibility is very remote.The important thing to remember her is that however sexy you may think his ex is, he's WITH YOU. Unless you held a gun to his head and forced him to break up with her to be with you, he prefers you to her. You are an improvement as far as he's concerned, whether that's because of looks or the whole package of who you are as a person. Beauty alone only goes so far if someone's character or personality is lacking or incompatible with their partner's and it's quite possible that there's something about this ex that your boyfriend really didn't like. Classy guys don't generally trash their exes to their new girlfriends so the flaw in this girl may not be something you're aware of.That said, this is the sort of thing that has huge potential to linger in the back of your mind and eat away at your relationship if you let it. I know you don't want to bring it up to him, but I would highly recommend that you do so, mainly so you can have closure about it. If he's a good person and his intentions are honest he will likely offer to delete the video straightaway, as chances are it means nothing to him anymore.Good luck and best wishes with this :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2013): I would have to ask him, something like that can't be sweep wonder the carpet.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (27 October 2013):
 Chances are he totally forgot about this video. I don't think he saved it to watch over and over again. If that was the case, he would not have let you borrow his phone. He forgot the video was there. This is not a reflection on you as a lover, so don't freak out. He chooses to be with you, not with her. I am sure he enjoys helping you to gain confidence. I think that turns him on more than any sex kitten.
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