A
female
age
51-59,
*akota_70
writes:I am with a man 16 yrs my senior. His mother is in her 80s and is so jealous of our relationship. She gets mad at how much time we spend together. She tells him alot of negative things about me and says he ignores her. I have never heard of this kind of thing before where the mom acts as if I am her competition. I am not sure how to react to this? Does she really dislike me or is it that her son spends so much time with me. I'm not sure if I should be mad or what. Please help. Confused.
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female
reader, malvern  +, writes (30 October 2013):
 It sounds like this lady has had her son at her 'beck and call' for a long time. Now he has met you and obviously she feels threatened. How you progress with this depends partly on your partner and partly on yourself. Your partner needs to divide his time between the two of you. His future is with you and not his mother, he needs to be aware of that, so the lions share of his time should be spent with you but at the same time he also needs to give his mother quality time. Unfortunately she's reached an age where she will become more dependant on him. She's also reached an age whereby she's likely to get confused, selfish and irrational. I noticed a big change in both my own parents from age 80 onwards. Your partner needs to control the situation, he is no longer the child, effectively he is the adult and she is the child. For your part all you can really do is be as pleasant as possible to this lady. Always be polite and thoughtful and never give her any reason to dislike you. Try to help your partner with whatever duties he may have to perform for her. She may eventually come to accept you.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 October 2013):
 It might be two things here at work:
It very well could be competition. I know that my husband's mom had an issue with me because before I showed up, he had never been serious with anyone else, and that once I showed up, she was sure I'd "take him away" and she would no longer be the most important woman in his life. Luckily, as she got to know me, she stopped seeing me as a son-stealer and more as the daughter she always wanted.
The other thing is - she's in her 80's and frail. She may feel physically and emotionally vulnerable if he got a girlfriend and became distant. She knows she doesn't have a lot of time on the earth, and doesn't want him to be a distracted, absent son. That's otherwise known as abandonment issues.
You could fix this by spending a lot of time with her, being nice to her, showing her kindness in the face of her snideness, and she could do a 180 and wonder how the two of them ever got along without you.
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A
female
reader, cgrlygo +, writes (30 October 2013):
 I guess for me to give a valid opinion I would need more information...like has he ever been married? things like that..
and it makes sense for him to ignore her... she's 80! Why argue with an 80 year old. My Bf has never married... although we plan to... but still plays to mom mainly just to keep the peace.. ( she likes me so its easy) but he has had girlfriends in the past in which she did not like but he kept around. I don't think hes a mommas boy but just passifying the situation. my advise it to talk with her... make it a point to get to know her. after all its her son... and she's doing what a protective mom does. you need to sit and talk with him first... then try to smooth the relationship with her...
good luck
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 October 2013):
 I can't believe at your age you haven't heard of the "mama boy" syndrome. All of this is totally up your boyfriend. Don't try to fix this situation. Talk to him and you will find out where you stand in the scheme of things, if he is around your age I have to say, it doesn't bode well, but then again she IS a very old lady. How's her health?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 October 2013):
If - or, when - you are "in competition" with his Mother, for a guy's attention and affections.... YOU, Dear Lady, are destined to LOSE!!!!!
Talk to your "man".... learn if he sees things as you do.... IF'n he thinks his Mother is first in his life.... then YOU stand to spend a LOT of time being frustrated....
Talk to him....
Good luck...
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