A
male
age
36-40,
*rott
writes:What do you think? My girlfriend's last boyfriend cheated on her. Would that make her more likely?Since her experience with her ex, she is very jealous with me. That is understandable. I wonder if that makes it more likely for her to cheat.She has lied to me in the past and then met with a male friend. I know she didn't take it too far, but they did confess having romantic feelings for each other.Her past experience and present behaviour have made me wonder....trying not to be suspicious :-D
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female
reader, KC12  +, writes (5 November 2013):
 I have been cheated on by 3 guys (including my ex-hubby) and never once been tempted to cheat. I could never do that to another person. I do not think being cheated on is an indicator.But...More likely than not, That is not what caused her to become a cheater. Most people who are cheated on will never cheat, because they'd never want to inflict that pain on someone else. It's very likely that it's part of her mental/moral makeup anyways to be dishonest (lie, cheat) anyways. The real indicator is her continual jealousy of you, as cheaters tend to project their guilt upon their significant other. Or else it's the product of their misguided philosophy that if it's easy for them to do, it's just as easy for you to do it too. It's warped. Bottom line here: She doesn't sound like the type of person you can really build a stable, strong relationship with.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 October 2013):
 Your GF "moral compass" is broke. Tit for tat is for the playground at the Kindergarten not in a relationship.
I would have a serious talk about why she did it, why she thought it would be OK and HOW she is gong rebuild YOUR trust - she BROKE your trust and she NEEDS to help rebuild it.
Personally, a juvenile answer like: "so now I suppose you're going to have an emotional affair as revenge." makes me wonder why she thinks you NEED/ MUST have revenge. I would ask her how that would make ANYTHING better? TO me it sounds more like she is trying to deflect the blame unto you.
Depending on her answers I would go from there.
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A
male
reader, brott +, writes (30 October 2013):
brott is verified as being by the original poster of the question Yes, my GF's behaviour is a concern. We have a lacking of mutual trust. (Well put.)
I struggle to find a way to build trust in the relationship. Maybe understanding my GF's behaviour will help.
I do have trouble understanding. I haven't had a partner cheat outright and my current GF is the closest I've had to that happening.
I am sure that I would not cheat as revenge... I'd just leave. I suspect my GF might be more likely to cheat. After admitting that her friendship might be an emotional affair, she said: "so now I suppose you're going to have an emotional affair as revenge."
Sigh.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 October 2013):
I have to agree with Bronzed Adonis.
He said :"I think it`s her disloyal behavior you should be questioning, not her ex boyfriend`s.
I DO NOT think having been cheated on, is an excuse to cheat in the future or future relationships, nor do I think it's more likely.
I think CHEATERS are more likely to cheat again, then someone who was cheated on.
BUT I think it comes down to the individual, their moral compass and their values. I have been cheated on, but never cheated on anyone. I just don't believe that cheating is ever OK or not a big deal. I believe in:" do unto others..."
As for statistics, those numbers can be manipulated to make any outcomes you want. So I wouldn't venture a un-doubting YES kids of cheaters will cheat!! Because again, I believe it comes down to the individual. My Dad cheated on my mom, both my brother and I have been faithful to our partners - he's been married 28 years, I have 17. Maybe we are NOT cheaters because we saw the consequences? And maybe because even if my dad DID cheat, we were still raised with a sense of right and wrong, common sense and morals.
Now, as to your GF. I can see why she would freak out with you meeting up with a female friend, BECAUSE that female friend is enamored with you. That is NOT a friend that is someone crushing on you, "playing" friend in hopes of MORE from you at some point. And secondly, obviously she went down THAT road with a male "friend" of hers. So in her book, if SHE can end up doing THAT, maybe you can to.
Sounds like the two of you have a rather shaky foundation and not a lot of mutual trust.
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A
male
reader, brott +, writes (28 October 2013):
brott is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the feedback. It sounds like the answer is "it depends".
I suppose it is hypothetical as there are bigger issues to tackle in this relationship.
There is a bit of a double standard since I know she would freak out if I met with a female friend, especially one who was romantically interested in me. I feel sympathetic as it seems she is finding herself as a person and there are a lot of ongoing family issues that lead to her insecurity. (Including infidelity by parents.)
I have heard that you are statistically more likely to have an affair if a parent has done so.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 October 2013):
 I do not believe that being cheated on makes a person more likely to cheat. My ex husband lied to me and yet it did not make me a liar.
The fact that she is jealous is very much based on her being lied to and cheated on as jealousy is an emotion rooted in insecurity.
As for her lying to you about meeting a male friend, that would be of a bigger concern to me in terms of “will she cheat” since she’s willing to withhold information (LIES of OMISSION are still lies).
You don’t trust her and she’s very insecure and hence is lying to you to meet with other men to bolster her self-esteem.
Her LIES should be your concern… not the POTENTIAL to cheat.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2013): No real answer to this.
She has given you good reason to be suspicious.
Perhaps a more loyal girlfriend would help (regardless of whether a past boyfriend has ever cheated on her, or not).
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis  +, writes (28 October 2013):
 I think it`s her disloyal behaviour you should be questioning, not her ex boyfriend`s.
How do you know she was cheated on? Because she - who has already lied to you - told you perhaps? Maybe she was, who knows. The fact is, you know what you are in for.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (28 October 2013):
 in general, i would believe that having been cheated on in the past would make one LESS likely to cheat, seeing as how you have experienced the pain and heartache of what it feels like having it done to you. it makes a person able to empathize with it.
that being said, that basic principle won't apply to everyone. the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. if she has already developed a history of lying to you, i would be skeptical; regardless of whether she's been cheated on before or not.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 October 2013):
 I think it's different with every person. I have been cheated on before, and if anything, it would make me not able to live with myself if I ever inflict the kind of devastation that was inflicted on me.
I have never cheated on any guy I've ever been with, nor have I ever come close to the line. But I have integrity, and I know what it feels like.
I think it's worse when someone who's been cheated on can turn around and do it to someone else. She's already been disloyal, and there has already at least been an emotional affair. So the real question becomes - What do you do about your disloyal girlfriend? The fact that some ex cheated on her in the past is irrelevant. She is responsible for her behavior. End of story.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (28 October 2013):
Insecurity can definitely lead to cheating. If she thinks you're going to cheat, she may be more likely to do it herself to sort of beat you to it. That way if you cheat she can feel better knowing she did already.
That being said, there is no rule to this, so who knows. But the fact that she already cheated in a sense makes it tilt in the "yes" column.
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