Why is wife hiding her past from me, and has lied about it
Q. why is my wife hiding her past from me? she tells me its my problem, and not hers. she has lied to me over the years about it. we have been married for several years now 31 , while dating she said she was in love with her first, but a ye...
A. 19 November 2013: Oh, and I bet it was in a van, but what husband keeps bringing stuff up after how many years?!... (read in full...)
He said he was single, but now I find out about his terminal girlfriend
Q. I've just found out that this guy I have been getting to know has a girlfriend and that she is terminally ill. I confronted him and he says he just needs someone to support him through this time. I feel sick to my stomach because we have kissed a ...
A. 18 November 2013: Oh my god. That poor dying girl doesn't deserve this guy, who is morally bankrupt. RUN from him, because what would happen if you two got serious and something happened to you? Would he cheat on you for "support" at the moment you needed him the ... (read in full...)
Help with insecure GF who wants a break
Q. My GF has really low self esteem and she's really anxious and insecure. She does not love herself and she has had a hard life. She was almost raped and she had to have an abortion amongst other things. She didn't want to get into a relationship but ...
A. 18 November 2013: You have to let her go. You can't think of this as "a break" anymore. It's a "break up", meaning you have to move on. You can't be her therapist and accommodate all of her issues. She has to do the work herself. I actually wonder if there's ... (read in full...)
Why is wife hiding her past from me, and has lied about it
Q. why is my wife hiding her past from me? she tells me its my problem, and not hers. she has lied to me over the years about it. we have been married for several years now 31 , while dating she said she was in love with her first, but a ye...
A. 18 November 2013: Anon male, the moderators don't reject posts because of dissenting opinions. However, being too harsh and attacking other posters or the OP will get an answer rejected.
That being said, I don't like lying in a marriage or a relation... (read in full...)
Sister-in-law propositioned me, and I'm tempted ...
Q. Hi I have a dilemma, I don't get on with my sister in law, she is an obnoxious self centred person, a habitual liar, thief and cannot be trusted even slightly. I have tried in the past to give her the benefit of the doubt but have always had my ...
A. 18 November 2013: You let her kiss you and put her hands on your penis for an extended amount of time. I'm going to tell you this *right* now, that if you didn't stop her from touching you, you are a low down dirty cheater who doesn't deserve your wife or your ... (read in full...)
Am I being overly concerned -- he wanted to have sex without protection
Q. After waiting a fair amount of time, the guy I'm dating and I decided to have sex. I had needed to take it slow, and he had respected that, then last night we took things further. It got to the point where he was about to go inside me, but he tried ...
A. 18 November 2013: Oh! Honeypie, you say so many things I agree with that it's not funny! I also don't like the term "unwanted pregnancy", so I use the term "unexpected" or "surprise" pregnancy.
:)... (read in full...)
Should I trust my boyfriend that he didn't cheat?
Q. Ok so my boyfriend rarely goes out drinking but he was out on Saturday night with his (single) friend. I have trust issues and I can get a bit paranoid and jealous.i did the wrong thing and looked at his mobile phone call history.(we live...
A. 18 November 2013: Did you know that when you snoop on his phone, email, and social networks, you undermine the relationship's trust. You know you did the wrong thing, and you need to own up to it. It breaks trust when someone invades privacy. You two live ... (read in full...)
Am I being overly concerned -- he wanted to have sex without protection
Q. After waiting a fair amount of time, the guy I'm dating and I decided to have sex. I had needed to take it slow, and he had respected that, then last night we took things further. It got to the point where he was about to go inside me, but he tried ...
A. 18 November 2013: I see fault in both of you here. Yes, he should have had protection. However, why did you wait until he was about to enter you before bringing it up?? You said that you slowed things down and he respected you. How many conversations could you ... (read in full...)
Why is wife hiding her past from me, and has lied about it
Q. why is my wife hiding her past from me? she tells me its my problem, and not hers. she has lied to me over the years about it. we have been married for several years now 31 , while dating she said she was in love with her first, but a ye...
A. 18 November 2013: Your wife knows you best in the world. I'm guessing that talking about her former sex life before you is something that you've brought up on a regular basis, and it wasn't just now after 31 years??
She most likely cued in on your obsessiv... (read in full...)
I found a HIV-test. Did she cheat on me?
Q. I have a steady girlfriend from past 2 years. Before I came in her life she had around 5-6 men in her life. But I am sure that from past 2 years it's been just me. I moved to another town close by - 2 hour drive from my current place for a work ...
A. 18 November 2013: That's the first thing I thought of - that an ex either contacted her or she heard from someone else that an ex is HIV positive. But it's definitely NOT nothing, and she shouldn't have given him that answer, and he should not have dropped the ... (read in full...)
He deceived and cheated. I have regrets. Do you have any tips on how I can forgive myself?
Q. About 6 months ago, I discovered a man I was seeing was not all he said he was. He was cheating on me with multiple women and deceived me on a level I never imagined possible. He broke my spirit and my heart. I had never felt so low. With lots...
A. 18 November 2013: How do you forgive yourself?
You just do. Decide every day, and get into the habit of doing it daily if that's all it takes.
Also, channel those feelings into something positive. If you're creative, you have an advantage in writing, art, mu... (read in full...)
Uncertain why I'm want to date but I don't feel attracted to any girl?
Q. Hi Cupid I am in a dilemma and I'm not sure how to explain. I'm 21 year old straight male studying medicine at local university. It seems like I want to date now but I'm not sure what's stopping me doing so. I tried thinking of reasons ye...
A. 17 November 2013: The answer is much easier than you think. STOP CONTACT with your ex. Even being friends with her makes you emotionally unavailable to anyone else. You're lying to yourself if you think you're over her if you say on here that she can turn you on ... (read in full...)
We had an argument because he wanted sex and I wanted to sleep. Should I call him?
Q. i had a fall out with my new boyfriend the other day, he basically said to me, i don't understand how can you girls know a guy has a hard on and not do anything about it!... he was saying that because i slept at his and we had sex the night before...
A. 17 November 2013: Wow, his comment about "you girls" really pissed me off, and it should piss you off as well. What a little asshat he is, as if your sole purpose in a relationship is to service him whenever he wants to!?
He needs to be the one grovelling to you, ... (read in full...)
What advice would you give to your 20 year old self
Q. What advice would you give to your 20 year old self? Financial, relationship and just general life information you wish you had known. My biggest fear is wasting my life, I think about this daily. I constantly feel like I should be doing/...
A. 17 November 2013: Financially, do NOT get into debt. No credit cards, no family loans, and live meager until you can knock out the student loan debt if you have it. Debt is a shackle, and creditors prey on 20-somethings to not only get a couple of credit cards, but ... (read in full...)
My ex found out about my new guy and the new guy ended things!
Q. I was with my boyf for 8 years. We broke up in June. I started seeing someone new in August. Things with this new guy were going great. I've totally fell for him and see a long term future for us. I have met up with my ex on a few occasions, as we ...
A. 17 November 2013: I fear the damage has been done. You made the mistake of meeting up with your ex while you were with a new guy, and not telling the new guy. If you had "things to sort" with your ex, then you weren't ready to get into another relationship.
Your ... (read in full...)
How do I realize that marriage isn't as important as I'm making it out to be?
Q. Hello, all. I regularly give advice here, and now I need help myself... In short, how do I let go of the fact that my life partner and myself may never get married? I am in an extremely happy, close (when I let it be, more to come on that), fa...
A. 17 November 2013: Hmm.
The way you phrased the 6-year old as "his" kid - does that mean it's his kid from a different mother? Because if that's the case, you can't refer to him as "our" kid.
If that is his kid from another mom, it sounds like he got burned by... (read in full...)
I kind of resent lending my friend money and having to pay the interest
Q. One of my best friends has asked me to put plane tickets for her children to fly out to see her twice now-both times I have said yes, even though I don't really like it. The first time, the amount wasn't that high and I had the extra funds to p...
A. 16 November 2013: OMG. If you have to use a credit card to lend money, you do not have the money to lend! WHY are you using a credit card? Do you not have the power to say no to her???
If I don't have ready cash to lend, I say that I don't have it. Also, if... (read in full...)
How do I get the guy I'm dating to tone it down a little? He's too playful!
Q. I've just started seeing a new guy. We aren't "boyfriend/girlfriend" yet, but it is definitely heading that way. I'm 20 and he is 19. I really like him and I know he likes me too, but he is all over me! He will come over to watch a film and just ...
A. 15 November 2013: First of all, you're not training a puppy. Your age difference is nothing, and you'll stunt your relationship looking at it like that.
Second of all, it wouldn't matter if you were a hard body or not. Constant groping is not cool. If he has t... (read in full...)
I have a second chance with my ex but its on harsh terms- should I go for it?
Q. Hey all Its day 4 post breakup here, i havent started 'no contact' we are still talking every night all night (i know this is not the way to go) Our split was down to distance..5 years in an LDR with neither of us willing to give up our jobs ...
A. 15 November 2013: You know, I was about to disagree with my fellow aunts on the "harshness" of the terms, but something struck my eye. You mentioned YOUR expenses with this commute, which leads me to believe that you were the only one doing all of the commuting. ... (read in full...)
Sex is the best ever but boyfriend is treating me badly! Do I leave or stay for the sex?
Q. Hello everyone. I am in a really hard situation and it is eating away at me emotionally. I am in a relationship with a guy who I care about very much. The relationship is 6 months old although I had known him for a year before that. He has s...
A. 15 November 2013: One thing I failed to mention - I have always tended to "come up for air" in every relationship I've been in, and have been accused of being distant as well. It wasn't the case, it was just that spending 24/7 with someone in all-intensity of ... (read in full...)
Sex is the best ever but boyfriend is treating me badly! Do I leave or stay for the sex?
Q. Hello everyone. I am in a really hard situation and it is eating away at me emotionally. I am in a relationship with a guy who I care about very much. The relationship is 6 months old although I had known him for a year before that. He has s...
A. 15 November 2013: Wait a second here. This is because he gets distant? Many guys do that, and in this guy's case, I think he's wrestling at whether or not to become more serious with you. At 6 months, this isn't unexpected.
What interests me the most is your ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is still contacting her ex! It really hurts me!
Q. Dear agony aunts, Once again I need your advice. We've been in a relationship for 3 years, and as of July 2013, we live together. When we started dating, my girlfriend told me that her ex was calling her stuff and making threats. I took no part i...
A. 15 November 2013: Yeah, she has blown it. She has broken your trust, and her promises are no longer believable. She will always keep him in contact, and as such, that is way too much baggage.
None of this is your fault. She's not doing this because there is... (read in full...)
Why is divorce a problem for a liar cheater wife?
Q. My wife started cheating on me around the year 2000. I confronted her and she was extremely sorry, so she made me believe. A few years later she was cheating again and after all the wasted effort I put into salvaging our marriage I knew it was over. ...
A. 14 November 2013: You didn't mention which state you're in, and that makes a difference in your options. Some states actually allow you to sue against the marriage for "alienation of affection" which has a civil effect on who gets what.
If she doesn't sign, it... (read in full...)
New to oral and looking for some tips
Q. Hi guys, need some advice…I feel a bit of a soppy fish at the moment….I have recently started dating this woman, we have slept together a few times and shes more experienced than me but I find it difficult to 'go down on her'. I'm not really sure ...
A. 14 November 2013: OOOPS! How the heck did I miss that?!
**embarrassed**... (read in full...)
My marriage is old, and I need advice!
Q. I'm 53, hubby is 66! We have not spoke to each other for several days! Even though we live in the same house and sleep in the same bed!We have grown children and grandchildren. He has no care for his family but would do anything in his power for a ...
A. 14 November 2013: Actually, I do have some advice.
What would you say to him if you had nothing to lose?? How would you start the conversation? What's the most important part you'd want him to know?
That's the conversation you need to have. If you haven't s... (read in full...)
New to oral and looking for some tips
Q. Hi guys, need some advice…I feel a bit of a soppy fish at the moment….I have recently started dating this woman, we have slept together a few times and shes more experienced than me but I find it difficult to 'go down on her'. I'm not really sure ...
A. 13 November 2013: All women are different when it comes to oral, and while I applaud you for trying to mimic what she does to you, don't. It's not the same or even close to it.
Say this to yourself a dozen times over - focus on the clitoris, not the vagina. ... (read in full...)
He suggested I share the cost of having his vasectomy reversed
Q. Is it wrong of me to feel like he shouldn't expect me to chip in for the cost of his vasectomy reversal? Things have been getting serious with my boyfriend, we've talked about marriage/kids/etc. He had a vasectomy about 8 years ago. I've read t...
A. 13 November 2013: You forget! Vasectomy doesn't mean he isn't producing sperm! In vitro is still possible!... (read in full...)
Help me to help my teens
Q. This question is directed to teenagers 13-17. It has to do with romantic relationships and with relationships with your parents. Any help is appreciated. My son aged 15 met a wonderful girl this past summer. I really like her and hope that thi...
A. 13 November 2013: FA, listen, I respect you. I know it's tough to be the agony aunt with the answers to turn around and "go under the knife" and be brave enough to read the sometimes tough advice the other aunts give. I respect you enough to open up both barrels, ... (read in full...)
Hypocrites who justify cheating.....what's going through their minds?
Q. Help me out here. How can a woman accuse her husband of cheating and then justify her own affair as a form of retaliation, or as a means to quench her insatiable thirst for attention? She gets all bent out of shape when she suspects that her husband ...
A. 13 November 2013: I never said it was you. I usually speak to the person who is in the relationship, which is why I said: "If I were talking to the husband, I would say".... (read in full...)
He suggested I share the cost of having his vasectomy reversed
Q. Is it wrong of me to feel like he shouldn't expect me to chip in for the cost of his vasectomy reversal? Things have been getting serious with my boyfriend, we've talked about marriage/kids/etc. He had a vasectomy about 8 years ago. I've read t...
A. 13 November 2013: No. Only after you're married do you share. He made his decision to get the vasectomy, and he takes in the cost of making his next decision.
What happens, you pay several hundred dollars to reverse it, and then you two break up? You don't ma... (read in full...)
Hypocrites who justify cheating.....what's going through their minds?
Q. Help me out here. How can a woman accuse her husband of cheating and then justify her own affair as a form of retaliation, or as a means to quench her insatiable thirst for attention? She gets all bent out of shape when she suspects that her husband ...
A. 13 November 2013: The error in your thinking is in thinking that she is worse than he is, or he is worse than she is. If I were talking to the husband, this is what I would say:
You're both equally responsible for destroying the relationship. You cheated.... (read in full...)
Hypocrites who justify cheating.....what's going through their minds?
Q. Help me out here. How can a woman accuse her husband of cheating and then justify her own affair as a form of retaliation, or as a means to quench her insatiable thirst for attention? She gets all bent out of shape when she suspects that her husband ...
A. 12 November 2013: Wait a second here.
You left out the most important component to your story:
She accused him of cheating, but you failed to mention whether he actually did cheat on her. Whether he did or didn't would have a profound effect on the answer "what... (read in full...)
Help me to help my teens
Q. This question is directed to teenagers 13-17. It has to do with romantic relationships and with relationships with your parents. Any help is appreciated. My son aged 15 met a wonderful girl this past summer. I really like her and hope that thi...
A. 12 November 2013: I'm a mom of a nearly 14 year old boy, and I read your post to him and asked him his opinion of it. The very first thing he said to me was "if you ever did that to me, I'd hate you." I knew what he meant, but asked him to clarify anyways. He ... (read in full...)
We are rarely intimate anymore but he keeps watching porn! I don't know what to do!
Q. My boyfriend has been watching an excessive amount of porn, at least 5 times a week.. i have personally caught him with his hands in his pants online early in the morning, normally i sleep in but its been becoming a bigger and bigger problem. we are ...
A. 12 November 2013: You have GOT to see this site:
yourbrainonporn.com
Your boyfriend has a porn addiction. It's become serious and has interfered with his ability to experience normal sexual arousal and stimulation. That's why the fetish stuff with an edge - t... (read in full...)
Defining Friends With Benefits?
Q. I always thought I knew what Friends With Benefits (FWB) meant. As I'm reading more of these questions/answers, I'm beginning to see how wrong I was and how it affected my relationships. I still have some ideas of what I think those things are but ...
A. 11 November 2013: I'm glad you wrote here, to be honest. You ask a truly intriguing question, and the plethora of answers you'll get is worth reading and writing. Sure, we've seen many questions regarding FWB and one of the parties starts developing feelings, and ... (read in full...)
Am I the only one who is not interested in sex?
Q. I have very little interest in sex and it has become a huge problem in my marriage(understandably). I honestly do not care if I ever have sex again... it's just not important to me and I really don't get much out of it. I really have never had an ...
A. 10 November 2013: If you're not feeling sexual attraction to *anyone* and it's not just your husband that you find sex to be an aversion to, then it could be medical or hormonal. Are you taking anti-depressants, blood pressure medicine, or other medications with a ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend slapped me across the face, was it my fault?
Q. My boyfriend slapped me across the face, was it my fault? My boyfriend has Bipolar Disorder. He drinks a lot sometimes, and this annoys me, whether he is being annoying when he is drunk or not. Sometimes, he is hyper and happy when he is drunk...
A. 10 November 2013: He sent the message that you are best apart from each other?? I AGREE! He just broke up with you! It's not some temporary break, so stop pining after him, texting him that you love him, and STOP APOLOGIZING! Have some self-respect! His slapping ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend slapped me across the face, was it my fault?
Q. My boyfriend slapped me across the face, was it my fault? My boyfriend has Bipolar Disorder. He drinks a lot sometimes, and this annoys me, whether he is being annoying when he is drunk or not. Sometimes, he is hyper and happy when he is drunk...
A. 10 November 2013: So what if he is bipolar? So what if he was drunk? Neither condition exempts himself from accountability for his behavior. Neither condition would have saved him from going to jail if you had called the police on him for domestic assault.
So he... (read in full...)
How to handle this feeling of helplessness as I don't want to date a separated man?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months. He has been separated for three years. His wife had an affair and now has a partner and two very young children. They have an 18 year old who lives with her. He assured me when we met that he has no f...
A. 9 November 2013: I totally didn't think of something before when I gave my previous answer, and I usually don't miss financial stuff like this:
I had to wonder why at 9 months he was so willing to buy a house yet shutting down when it comes to divorce, and a li... (read in full...)
How do I work this out? He shows no emotion at all. And in his own words is broken.
Q. My boyfriend of 9 months last night told me he doesn't love me anymore. I basically dragged it out of him. We have had loads of fights. Maybe everyday. But we are trying to work on this relationship. Both of his parents have cancer. (May contrib...
A. 9 November 2013: One more thing, and I have to say it - if my Mom had cancer, remission or otherwise, I'd be the biggest Mama's kid in the entire world, and it would mean everything to me if my son loved me like that if I had cancer!... (read in full...)
How do I work this out? He shows no emotion at all. And in his own words is broken.
Q. My boyfriend of 9 months last night told me he doesn't love me anymore. I basically dragged it out of him. We have had loads of fights. Maybe everyday. But we are trying to work on this relationship. Both of his parents have cancer. (May contrib...
A. 8 November 2013: What does it matter if a parent is in remission??! From the moment the diagnosis is handed down, life is not the same and will never be the same unless the doctor says that the cancer is "cured", which is extremely rare. Remission means ... (read in full...)
How do I work this out? He shows no emotion at all. And in his own words is broken.
Q. My boyfriend of 9 months last night told me he doesn't love me anymore. I basically dragged it out of him. We have had loads of fights. Maybe everyday. But we are trying to work on this relationship. Both of his parents have cancer. (May contrib...
A. 8 November 2013: Two months ago, my father died of leukemia. It was the worst, most awful thing I've ever had to go through, and believe me, I've gone through a lot. It's a normal defense mechanism to go into an emotional shock or catatonic state due to emotional ... (read in full...)
How to handle this feeling of helplessness as I don't want to date a separated man?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months. He has been separated for three years. His wife had an affair and now has a partner and two very young children. They have an 18 year old who lives with her. He assured me when we met that he has no f...
A. 6 November 2013: He lied to you to get to you. That's what feels wrong. Also, unless he's divorced, he's a married man. He told you that the divorce was "underway". That was a lie.
Whether or not his wife had an affair is irrelevant. All that matters is your ... (read in full...)
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