A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What is Love?I have been with my girlfriend for just over a year now. I do care about her, have fun with her, find her funny, clever, beautiful etc. But is that what love is? I'm there for her whenever she needs, we never fight but do have the one or two disagreements. I would say I love her obviously. But is that what love is? I could see my self with her for a very long time, but I don't know if I want that just yet??? Have other people been "in love" with someone but then unexpectedly broken up?Some wise non-gender biased thoughts would be appreciated thank you. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (26 October 2013):
 What is Love?
Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me, no more.
(sorry, your opening line got that song stuck in my head!)
I'm more interested in asking you a question, because since I'm not in your head, I can't say whether you are actually in love or not.
Would you die for this woman? I know that I am in love with my husband, and I love my son, and would trade my life for theirs at a moment's notice if it was required.
Love goes beyond emotions. It's a bond that is stronger in your heart than any love song can convey. It's the knowing that when you look into her eyes, you are home. It's there when emotions run high and hot and heavy, and it's there when the stress of life consumes you. It's a selfless thing, love. It is the unbreakable connection that remains when your feelings for each other ebb and flow like all relationships do.
If you don't have that, then it's fondness, affection, high regard and esteem, maybe lust, but it isn't love. You have to decide whether or not you actually don't love her, or whether or not you're afraid to love, because when you do, it makes you more vulnerable. It's your greatest strength and weakness to be in love. To not allow yourself to love keeps you from being hurt, but that becomes a fear of intimacy.
Love and infatuation are very different. Infatuation is also called "limerence", which is that intense desire and near-obsession that puts the butterflies in your stomach, cause the two of you to annoy the hell out of everyone around you with your lovey-doveyness in their presence. Limerence does ebb and flow, and that's the drug-like addictiveness of the relationship at play that cements you to her while love grows. Love is different. Love endures through hard times, like sickness, stress and financial issues. Love is when you can look on her and know that she is the one who understands you inside and out, and you do her as well.
The coolest thing about this question is that the answer will change greatly between who's answering for you. You may know instantly that you're in love, and you may not. It could creep up on you and not let you know you love her until she's gone and your heart shatters. Try not to overthink it. However, consider why you ask the question, and what makes you hesitate in answering. Often, your answer is in that answer.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2013): Love grows over a period of time. You can have a general fondness for someone you're used to having around; like a friend or a colleague. If you have an attraction and growing affection with the girl you have chosen to be your girlfriend; allow time to establish how deeply this affection will grow.Love is not definable in words; because it is an emotion. Most people go by the poetic or romantic media-created perception of it. A feeling can often be labeled love, when it is lust, infatuation, or just a fixation/obsession some people have for a person.There are even people who just like the concept of "being in-love" and try to fit it into some foolish fantasy- created notion, adopted from media-contrived nonsense. Valentines and google-eyes. Trifling foolishness. Addiction to another person for all the wrong reasons. Fortunately, they come to their senses when the fantasy disappears. it doesn't stand up to wear and tear. You will develop very strong feelings that will continue to grow. Your attachment to this person will become one that may be very difficult to remove. You will know deep from within how much she actually means to you, and how you would feel if you should lose her. You would feel a grief that would penetrate to your very soul. Love needs a lot of nurturing and time. So you may not know at this point; if you have to ask.Your brain will produce bio-chemicals. Oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, acetyl-choline. These are the feel-good endorphins that bond with receptors in your brain that make your feelings unmistakable. You actually bond with a person in a chemical way; as well as in the emotional-sense. Scientists have actually published studies and have done extended research on it. There's still a lot of theory; but you'll know it when you feel it.You will form a very strong connection that will be different from any other in your life. You will become cognizant of the feeling, and you'll make no mistake about it; becomes no one you'll meet apart from her, will make such devotion arise in you.If you want to love her, but you can't seem to tell after time has passed. It is likely, she isn't the one. Just feeling good when she's around isn't enough. When you're very young, the only real love you may know for sure, is the unshakeable and unquestionable feeling you have for your family and parents. It's not the same you'd have for a mate; but the depth of it pretty much sums it up.It takes time to develop emotional attraction and physical attraction to the degree that you just can't accept the loss or absence of a particular person from your life. You will find yourself forgiving them over and over, and you develop patience that you can't summon for other people.You'll mindlessly do things to prove your loyalty and go out of your way to make sure they know it. You'll crave the same feelings in return.Love varies in intensity for different people; but it's almost unquestionable once it sets in. Some feel it; but can't express it verbally. They may show it in may actions.People who have a lot of emotional and psychological issues screw it up. They can feel it; but don't know how to accept it or express it. However; it will take hold, and make a fool out of anybody.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 October 2013):
 It's not possible for a guy to love a girl who is wearing clothes...... HOWEVER,....
... once you get her clothes OFF of her... THEN you can determine, better, if you really ARE experiencing "love"...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 October 2013):
 I have always found that when folks ask "is this love" it's not...
usually we KNOW when it's love.
and the first time you realize it... it's magic..
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 October 2013):
 No, you're not in love. Maybe you do love her, but your description sounds a lot more like habit. Not love. You're a nice person, of course you're going to treat someone else nicely. You're not horrible to everyone except those you love. So treating her nicely doesn't in any way mean you have feelings for her. All your actions say (as you describe them) are that you are a nice guy. But your girlfriend sounds replaceable, you'd be equally nice towards just about anyone.
If you got to ask, the answer is no. Doesn't mean you can't grow to love her, though. Most people do, after enough time. But that comes from being human, we tend to love the ones we spend a ton of time with, whether we actually like the person or not. Take family for instance, we love our siblings, but we don't always like them as a person.
So in this case, you might love her because you've been with her a year, and by that time anyone would feel some sort of affection towards anyone in general. And, you like her as a person, she's nice to be around, doesn't bother you, it's comfortable.
But are you in love? Absolutely not. Love is when you're crazy, mad, find yourself doing things you never did before, feel a rush through your body, feel like your very soul will shatter into a million pieces should she leave you. Love and being IN love (infatuation), are different. But romantic love towards a partner is also different from the love you feel towards someone you just happened to spend a year with, and thus naturally develop some feelings of affection for. If you spent a year with an animal of any sort, or another man, you'd also feel affection and "love" for it/him. But that is friendly love, or brotherly love. Not romantic love.
As for your breakup-question, could you elaborate? I'm not sure what you mean. Do you mean if anyone has ever been in love with a person and then that person broke up with them without a warning? Uhm, yes, that's very common. Everyone has experienced that, I think.
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A
male
reader, Jadakiss87 +, writes (25 October 2013):
I think the definition of love will differ from person to person. What I love about my partner some people might not value at all with there's? And I'm sure what my partner values from me some people wouldn't with there's? Ultimately I think love is about what you are prepared to do for your partner or for you two to be together, and how much happiness you have when you are together.The more you over think the whole thing the more holes you will probably find, and in this day and age too many people are throwing away a good relationship because there is so much temptation readily avalible! Don't get caught up in the hype from media or social networks that you have to be the best or have the best. For me all that matters is the bond between two people, if it makes you happy great - your lucky. If your not happy - move onHope that helps!
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