A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I work at a school and it pays ok for now. Well I am engaged and there is a male coworker who is married with a baby. We hit it off and became friends at work, so I thought. We both talked a lot during work and texts about games work etc not once ever flirting. To be honest I never was even slightly attracted to him just felt nice having someone to talk to. Well come Friday (I'm at another school that day) I was excited to tell him something via text and got no reply. Later I asked why he was ignoring me and he did not reply again. I had a bad feeling all weeknd and today I sent a text saying I don't want work to be awkward tomorrow and can he explain why everyone's ignoring me etc and bc he's a friend I kinda take it personal. Well his reply, finally, was we're co workers and be is busy with personal business and will address it at work tomorrow. I simply said ok so were not friends. Understood and I was keep that in mind for the future. Have a good day off. Nowwww mind you I was always nice to him saying how sweet the pictures he showed me of his family were etc. and a while ago he said we were friends and we even talked in games we played. What happened? Am I over analyzing this? What do I do to not feel so bad and be weird tomorrow when he approaches me? :(
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 October 2013):
 I'm betting his wife found out about the friendship and even though there was NOTHING going on she put a stop to it.
You need to respect those boundaries. He's not going to tell you "my wife said I can't play anymore" NO MAN wants to admit he's PWed.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (30 October 2013):
 hi there.
for him to change his tune this much, from being your friend one day, to saying you're just coworkers the next, i feel pretty confident that his wife had something to do with this. she was probably standing over him watching him text you, telling him what to say. or she was probably telling him she is uncomfortable with you two being friends and that she wants you two to put some distance between each other.
if not that, than perhaps he just had a really bad, stressful weekend and took it out on you.
just play it cool when you talk to him tomorrow. don't act like you're upset or mad. let him explain himself.
i know it sucks. but it's unfortunately the way of life when people are married.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2013): Honestly my fiancé wouldn't have a problem with a word said since I tried to involve him as well having them exchange gamer tags to play games online etc. he knew everything said it was honestly just a little friendship. I'm sad but also bc it's my place of work and I'm afraid of how bad this is going to make the working environment itself. Especially since we're forced to work together on certain things. :/ This is coming from a guy that kept asking me why I'm ignoring him and if I'm mad if I don't reply quick enough. We'd joke but it was ALWAYS innocent. I knew he had a wife and I love who I am with. Just sucks.
Btw this is the original poster. :)
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 October 2013):
 It's quite possible his wife saw the texts back and forth and took issue with all of his involvement with you. Sometimes there is a degree of jealousy that takes place when a spouse seems to show more attention and affection for a friend than them. They also may read an attraction where one isn't.
Leave him alone. Just be friendly and professional, and let him set the pace of the friendship. The cold "professional" reply he gave you also was for his wife's benefit, because if she was hounding him, he could have had to text that to underscore that he wasn't having an affair with you.
There are lots of boundaries married guys have to honor when it comes to their engaged co-workers. And, quite honestly, you have a fiance as well. You have to ask yourself if every word spoken in text and phone would have been okay if your fiance were reading over your shoulder the entire time.
Many women are cool with their boyfriends or husbands having a good rapport with their female coworkers. Many others would question if the texting started becoming prolonged or constant or deeper subjects started getting broached about personal lives. There might not have been an attraction to start with, but the whole personal prolonged deep conversation texting is fertile ground for the beginnings of emotional affairs. Don't take it personal. Just take a step back, and you all will feel where your boundaries are and keep the awkward feelings to a minimum.
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