A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My friend and my husband have been flirting with each other for some time. Texting each other a lot. Her son is also a friend of my son so the situation is very delicate. I noticed my husband watching her if we were in company and following her movements. I noticed she bats her eyes at him a lot, they hug when they meet and touch when talking. I am sick with worry. She tells me constantly how gorgeous he is and I should look after him more. When we came home recently from holidays it was as if they would never get to see each other and when they did he called her georgous and she she started to feel his chest asking to see his tan. There was a definite air of sexual tension in the room. I feel constantly sick over this. She tells me that anywhere he goes all the women want to know who that georgeous guy is. They are involved in the same club and I cannot always be there. She is married with children. I feel threatened and cannot talk to her. I have approached my husband and he said he was her friend. He said he would stop texting her back and that he loved me and only me. I am so not ocnvinced. I now hate this woman and unfortunatley we will have to meet as we are part of a group of friends who socialised together. I keep putting it off. I cannot eat sleep or function and my family is suffering. Please can you advise me. We have been married 24 years and our children are grown up. I keep myself well and I am still very much in love with him. He says he adores me. We are trying to spice things up and although it is working I know she is still txting him. I am so upset with her. And him. There is a definitely a sexual attraction between them. Ruby
View related questions:
flirt, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2013): This woman does not sound like a "friend" of yours by any means; more like a frenemy. And, if your husband truly does love you and only you, he should tell her to back off and leave him alone. First off: Don't worry about your son's frienship with this hussy's son. That's irrelevant--as this is an issue between you and your husband, and the children should not be involved in this circumstance.First, you need to talk to your husband. Tell him you wish for him to cease and desist all contact and any kind of "friendship" with this person, or else it's going to affect your marriage--heck, it already is. Secondly, You need to confront her. Tell her to back off, because she's making you uncomfortable. YOU are his wife. Not her. She should be giving that attention and devotion to her own husband, and not flirting around. I am no advocate for bullying, but you may have to be forceful and show her who's the boss. If neither avenue works...if this is still going on after you confront her, then you may have to tell your husband "it's her or me." I'm sorry to put it that way, but maybe that's the only chance you have to salvage your marriage (and sanity) and get this viper out of the picture.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): Sorry but I think it's already gone over the edge. I dealt with this behavior in my marriage too. I always allowed my wife to be herself, I trusted and was deeply in love with her. Then the day came, it was 1 little lie, she didn't realize what she said. It was like a wake up call. I quietly investigated for a few months, I went through our phone bills, credit cards and milage on her car. I uncovered an affair that had been going on for sometime. When she aid she was at her friends house, she was 50 miles away having sex with her co worker. I tried too hard trying to save our marriage but realizing she was still sexually active with him and some other men I left her. She ripped my heart to shreds, she abused me in so many ways that I could never forgive her, and I tried forgiving her for the affair I caught, It was hard trying to let go when I saw it was still going on and other men were using her for sex as well, I ended it, much to her surprise. Now she tries to be my friend, and I'm not going down that road with someone who destroyed our family. We have 2 daughters I'm very close to and I feel what she did, was a poor example of integrity to our daughters. Believe me if you feel their is something going on, I'd bet you anything it's already happened. I suggest you do your own secret investigation, you don't need a detective. It's all there in phone records, credit card bills the milage on the car and what you may find in his car. I truly hope I'm wrong in your case. I wish you the best of luck, just be prepared for what you may find as devastating as it may be. Don't wind up being like me, a nieve fool for not following up on a suspicion sooner.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): I am dealing with this exact same problem with my wife. We have been together the same amount of time and are of similar ages. To me, my wife clearly seems to have a crush on our mutual married friend. She touches him a lot during conversation (not normal for her). Often at parties I see them sooner or later in one on one conversations. They seem to find each other that way, no matter what the venue or who is there. A couple times, it has been like I was not even there. I could have left and she wouldn't have realized for an hour. It was like I just don't exist when he is around, or at a minimum I am merely a bourdon to be worried about. He and I used to talk too, but now when we are both speaking to him, he just speaks to her. My kids even have a disdain for him, though they haven't really expressed why. It's curious, because he is to all appearances a very nice friendly guy. He is certainly found very attractive by all the women we know, for whatever that adds to the issue. He and my wife Now kiss on the lips hello (apparently normal for him, but not something I have ever seen her do). She texts him funny stuff of and on that she thinks will make him laugh or whatever. I told her all this bothers me very much. That when we are all together, her behavior toward him makes me feel 1 inch tall. I asked her to stop the texting, which she agreed to do. As for the kissing, I asked her to stop. She became very angry and said I was shutting her down, changing who she is and wants to be. That kissing a friend on the lips is something she grew up with and misses. As for all the other stuff, she said I was being ridiculous. She said that his wife, whom my wife is close to as well, would never let something happen. That she has never cheated in 20+ years, etc. she became angry that she had a male friend and I was shutting her life down due to petty and unfounded jealousy. Her argument seemed to be that, so long as she would never cheat there should be no issue.I tried to just abide. We kept seeing him (and his wife). All the behavior just continued. We had some of our worst fights ever. Finally, I sat her down and said: I am not accusing you of cheating. I AM trying to convey to you that the behavior between you two is very upsetting to me. I would think that would be enough to make you stop. I am hurt that it is not. I cannot force you to stop acting this way to him. However, you should now that every time you do you are putting distance between us, driving a wedge in our intimacy, or at least doing so from my perspective. So, you should be aware that your marriage is on the line. Whether you find my response to all this unreasonable or not, I feel more distant to you everytime I am around you two. If it continues, you should know that you are pushing me out the door. This seems to have got her attention for the moment. We are seeing much less of them. She doesn't like this i am sure. But, I have had enough. I am not sure if this band aid is a permanent fix to the problem or not. I am sure some of u think I am a jealous person. In any case, I did not mean to hijack your thread, just wanted to share a similar story....
...............................
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (7 November 2013):
 Oh this is simple, you tell your husband that you will respond to her messages as him and then you mention how much he loves u and how fantastic a wife he has, all the things another woman don't want to hear about his wife.
Take it one step further, just make a huge display of affection on your husband, make it second nature. Also start dropping hints of course in a joke to her husband that you think lots of woman have a crush on your husband including his wife. Her husband and her will get the message or would be embarrassed and hopefully keep their distance from yourll.
Just a note of caution you indicated that you sensed the sexual tension between this woman and your husband, that is something that can be very explosive and something you cannot control. It comes down to how much your husband really loves u and whether he is prepared to risk your marriage for a night of passion.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (7 November 2013):
I don't know how you can keep it together because I would have taken her aside and I would have told her that the next time she touches my husband I'll break her hands. BUT that's me!
I do think you need to talk to hubby about it again and tell him that the flirting is obvious and you feel that it's extremely embarrassing and disrespectful to you and that you'd appreciate it if he would tell her to back off or brush her off instead of coming across so flattered. Otherwise, as Sageoldguy said, tell him what's in store for him if any fooling around goes on. Last resort, I'd tell her husband if she doesn't get the hint or a direct message from you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 November 2013):
 Whilest I'm inclined to pooh-pooh jealousy... what you describe seems to go a little further than that....Soooo...
Sit hubby down, and say to him: "Hunchy-bunchy, it sure looks like you have the hots for (friend's name, here). DO YOU???? 'Cuz, if you do... and IF you are going to make a fool of me (and yourself, incidentally) by getting it on with her.... then I want you to know that the ramifications are that I am going to dump your sorry a$$.... and, when I do, I am going to take you to the cleaners for MOST of everything (wealth-wise) that we've accumulated over the course of this marriage... so that YOU ... and SHE... will get to start over again... from "GO".... and I will be a merry divorcee... who will proceed to have a great rest-of-my-life.... largely at YOUR expense. Have I made this perfectly clear? Yes... then YOU have to make a decision... don't you????"
That should do it...
Good luck....
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 November 2013):
 I don't get it? They are either pranking you or just goofing around and watch your reaction as something funny. Sounds kind of childish to me
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 November 2013):
 Ruby you said " He said he would stop texting her back and that he loved me and only me"
do you have reason to doubt your husband's word?
if not then you must let him handle it as neither of you have any control over her behavior or her feelings.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 November 2013):
 Oh yeah, this woman is being very inappropriate. Talking about your husband's "gorgeousness", telling you to take better care of him, putting her hands on his chest, texting and flirting constantly, she's getting off on getting his attention. He's liking the ego boost of a woman desiring him. Does that mean he intends to be unfaithful? Most likely not!
You're forgetting a VERY BIG ally here - *her* husband! How would he feel if he knew she was drooling all over your husband and had her hands all over his chest? Would he be pleased or displeased reading the texts she sends him?
Your husband has done the right thing in saying he would no longer text with her. Now, you need to deal with the friend. Not your husband, you. What does it matter that she's in the same group of friends? It should be awkward for her, not you.
So, tell her that if she continues to text or touch your husband in any way, you're going to have a chat with her husband, because she's crossing way too many boundaries right now as far as he's concerned. Seriously, look her in the eye, tell her to knock it off, and text her own husband while she still has him. *You* need to not run away from this confrontation.
...............................
A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (6 November 2013):
Hey Ruby,I'm sorry you are going through this. I can feel your worries and pain in your question.I think you need to tell you husband your worries. Be straight, and be honest. I'm sure your husband is loving the attention from the other women. I know I would! It is nice to feel wanted. But your husband is telling you that he loves you and adores you. Just tell him your fears. I think you need to tell this woman you are very uncomfortable with her texting, flirting, touching and going on about YOUR HUSBAND. Tell her to back off that you are uncomfortable with the way she is going on. Be firm with her.Be more confident in your relationship. You guys have lasted a long time. Don't let your insecurities get the best of you. You are a strong and beautiful wife to this gorgeous husband of yours!Good Luck!
...............................
|
