A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:It's a weird situation but my baby daddy and I had a one nighter and had a baby. He ran away in the beginning so a new guy stepped in until he just didn't want a child that wasn't his. I've tried to tell the guy my baby's his for 1.5 year and wouldn't believe me. We did get a test done awaiting the results now but I'm more upset because a month ago we started seeing each other and were fine until he met someone else. Now he's saying terrible things to me then apologizes later. He says we need to wait two weeks until we get the paternity results back then we can be together. Thing is that he just met someone and wants to be with her until then. Why is he being immature and putting me through this? How does a man really believe it's okay doing this and thinking things will be fine as soon as the test comes back? He says the other girl isn't serious and he's not ruling me out and that time will tell. I'm so confused. I mean we have a baby together. I keep telling him to leave me alone and he says he will not and that we will work it out. What does he want from me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll of you provide great advice. After the results come back he will have to psy child support. He's being delusional on the relationship. He has two babies under age one now that he doesn't take care of. I don't want him as a partner because if he can easily drop me after a few weeks he'll do it again and to every girl. Thanks for the feedback. It's great to have opinions.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll of you provide great advice. After the results come back he will have to psy child support. He's being delusional on the relationship. He has two babies under age one now that he doesn't take care of. I don't want him as a partner because if he can easily drop me after a few weeks he'll do it again and to every girl. Thanks for the feedback. It's great to have opinions.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 March 2015):
 TWO guys.... neither one of which REALLY LOVES YOU.. and you're ready to give either one of them a "pass" for being an A-hole......
Think long and hard about who YOU want to spend your future with.... Neither of these characters would be on my "A" list, if I were you!!!!!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 March 2015):
 What does he want? His cake and eat it. He wants the family idea, but only when he feels like it. He was to be immature and screw around with other women when he feels like it as well.
So once the test comes back, he will play family with you for a little bit, and then my bet is he will want to screw around again, and make up some excuse about needing his freedom and youth. Then, a month or so later, he will come back to play family again.
He just wants everything, and can't stick to one or the other. Don't go down a roller coaster ride with him, it's not healthy for you or your child. Tell him he made his decision. He's either in or out, no sitting on the fence, and if he wants to be with you he needs to be with you 100%. No excuses. No "waiting for results" or any other excuse. If he wants to wait for the result before committing, then fine, but that means he sleeps ALONE at night. No screwing around with others, because he's basically asking YOU to wait for him, while HE gets to do whatever he wants.
He's obviously not emotionally attached to you. You do not need him to play family. He can be the father of your child WITHOUT being your boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 March 2015):
 Do what is best for your child. Go to the courts and establish paternity and child support payments. The guy is a loser as a partner, but your only concern is NOT being a loser as a mother, and if you do everything with your child as the singular and all-encompassing priority in life, that cuts through any confusion and redirects your actions to favor the child and only the child, whose life depends on you, and whose opportunities in life are strengthened by the lawful financial support of both biological parents.
Get the paternity test immediately. He is stalling you because he doesn't want to pay, and I'm guessing he has no feelings for you except to find a way to benefit him and pay no child support.
Think about it. He's hedging his bets with another woman. You take a paternity test and the baby is confirmed as his. His next move will be to want to move in together because that saves him more money. He would be USING you - your illusion of partnership - as a way to get out of his financial responsibilities. He'll still sleep with other women. Don't think he won't.
So stop messing with him as a partner and force his accountability in the courts, and do what is right for your child. The guy is a sperm donor. The law has provision for assigning responsibility. Time to drop the relationship idea and get your child support order without delay. If you are cash strapped, the courts provide the means for free filing and assistance called "In forma pauperis", so there's no reason you can't take care of things! There are even pro bono lawyers by state that live for making sure that little kids are provided for and their custodial parents represented properly.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 March 2015):
 Having a baby with someone sadly does not mean anything other than you created a person that needs support. from both biological parents.
Sounds to me like he will be a dad in name only.
you and he both sound about 18 based on your post. I'm sorry to say.
You are expecting a man you had a ONS with to magically become an adult because he impregnated you... NOT going to happen.
WHAT he wants DOES NOT MATTER...
what do YOU want?
get a damn paternity test.
file for child support and have the courts handle it not you. they will garnish is paycheck and send the money directly to you without having to have contact with this fool.
HE is never going to be anything to you other than the father of you child. IF he cared about you anyone else would not matter.
and whatever you do, do not sleep with him again... he will try. IGNORE him other than how it relates to your child. but do not use your child to manipulate him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 March 2015):
 Why would you want to BE with a guy like that? If you don't want to BE with him, you DO NOT have to, BABY or not. Paternity results or not.
You had a ONE NIGHTER with him, the result was a baby - but that SERIOUSLY doesn't mean you have to take his crap.
It means WHEN the DNA comes back he will either be expected to pay Child Support or not. YOU don't OWE him a relationship.
He sounds utterly immature and not the kind of guy I'd want around.
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