A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. My boyfriend was nice enough to pay for a vacation for my best friend and I. The trip is around the first week in April and the roundtrip plane tickets and hotel are completely paid for. A couple thousand dollars was spent thus far.My thing is, she has not asked me to tell my boyfriend thank you yet, she hasn't said thank you period. Should I give it until we are actually on vacation to expect a thank you? I don't want to make a fuss but I would have said thank you right away. My boyfriend is a millionaire and I am sensitive to whether or not people are thankful for his kindness, versus feeling entitled, or like it is not a big deal since he has so much money. He worked really hard for all he has.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2015): Just a thought, but why not give her until you are back from the trip to thank you (or him). This trip has not happened yet from her perspective, so why are you wanting a pre-emptive thanks?Also, maybe she will thank your boyfriend directly, and not say it to you? Do they see each other much? Give her the benefit of the doubt for now, and see what happens. Give her a few weeks till after the trip, maybe you will find a nice note in the mail!If not, then you can tell your best friend that it hurt you that she did not do this. Hopefully, as close as you are, she will apologize and thank you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2015): Yeah, don't overthink this one. She should just say thank you. End of.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2015): OP here:
Thanks for both of your replies. Greatly appreciated!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2015): Your friend is incredibly ungrateful.
In your shoes I would not be happy either.
She is only going on this holiday because of YOU, because YOUR boyfriend is paying. He wouldn't have paid for her otherwise.
She should say thank you to you both. It should have been the first words out of her mouth. It's common decency.
Maybe she wants to surprise you with a nice bottle of champagne during the holiday to say thank you?
I hope so because I personally would never spend a penny on her again. It's not about the money. It's the principle.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 March 2015):
 Food for thought here - why are *you* sensitive regarding your boyfriend's money?? If you're becoming the gratitude police about his money or his kindness, it could send off the message that YOU are intending to possess it, and that YOU feel entitled to other people's gratitude.
I agree that not showing gratitude is rude, but honestly, that is between your boyfriend and your friend. You are not part of the transaction apart from the fact that you know both of them, and it's their association with you that she was afforded the opportunity to experience his generosity.
Some people don't thank because they don't want to be seen as genuflecting to a wealthy person on account of their money. She may feel strange having him spend an exhorbitent amount, and she may feel that YOUR thanks covers both of you. She may consider his paying for you and her to be a favor for YOU, which to be honest...it is.
YOU thanked him, right? I'm sure you have. I don't think your boyfriend is as fragile as you think he is. He's interested in YOUR affections. He's capable of knowing who treats him kindly and who takes advantage of him on his own. I'm guessing that if he's as hardworking as you say, he's not in it for the fawning of people, and may feel embarrassed by a forced or coerced gesture of obligation.
My suggestion is - let that issue be between those two where it belongs, or you may be seen as making a grab for the wealth and exacting gratitude for what isn't yours as if YOU are entitled to take a moral stand on someone else's wealth.
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