A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Agony Aunts of DearCupid,Something happened to me a few weeks ago that has both shocked and upset me and I don't quite know how to handle it.I am good friends with a married couple who live in the same apartment block. They like a few drinks and so do I. We usually have such a good laugh together. My partner works a night shift and sometimes at the weekend, so very often on a Saturday night I will go out together with them, or we will go to each others' apartments and share food, beers and wine, laugh at the rubbish on TV and relax after a week at work.The other night we had all had a bit too much to drink even before we got out the door and then when we got to the bar, the beer was flowing freely. At one point in the night, my friend's husband saw an old friend of his walk in the door to the bar, so he leapt up to greet him. I was left sitting together with his wife. She was quite upset about other things going on and started to cry. She then took hold of my hand and told me that her husband had cheated on her numerous times throughout the marriage. She started to tell me about the most recent time, which was VERY recent... and how hard she had struggled trying to keep their marriage together.. and then he came back over. I was in shock and had to pretend that we had been talking about something else when he asked what was wrong. The conversation then changed to another subject and we headed back to the apartment block.I went back into their flat with them to pick up some things of mine I had left there. My friend went to the bathroom and while in there, husband proceeded to start "flirting" with me, telling me how stunning I am and how lucky my partner is to have me, that I have such amazing skin. I stood up to leave and his wife came back into the room. I hoped she hadn't heard any of it, but I hadn't responded. I know that we were all rather drunk but I found his lack of self-control towards me incredibly inappropriate. I probably would not have found it so uncomfortable had his wife not told me about his cheating earlier in the night.On some occasions with them, I have felt an odd atmosphere between them, a tension.. some strange things had been said, but I never thought or expected that. The day after the night before I popped up to see my friend, as husband was out. I was concerned and wanted to make sure she was ok. She said nothing about what had been shared between us and seemed to be happy enough and not even hungover. I now have no idea what to do about this friendship. I have seen them in the elevator a few times and we've chatted about this, that and the other. My partner and I were looking into booking a trip with them later this year. I think we should change our plans and I'm not even sure about wanting to keep any contact with them whatsoever now. It feels awkward and uncomfortable and I do not want to be anywhere near her husband ever again. Help........
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at work, drunk, friend's husband Reply to this Question
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male
reader, mfj78  +, writes (1 March 2015):
Hmm sounds like they are both playing a game of wanting you to join in. Abella made a very valid point about spiking your drinks and other such ploys.Its a little odd for a married couple to invite a married woman round there home alone while the husband is away. Especially when drinking and "relaxing" in the way you describe. Three is an odd number. It all sounds odd to me. I agree with the grooming you for a threesome. Also their behaviour is not consistent with what they lead you to believe. If this woman is so upset at her husbands cheating ways, why invite another woman round for drinks while her husband is at work??! Also if her hubby came over when she was crying surely he would have known something was up and AVOIDED flirting with you moments later. No sorry - its a ploy, a ruse, a game, an attempt to draw you in. I would tell your hubby and have nothing more to do with them.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (28 February 2015):
 The vacation idea is a total Nooooo.
The vibes I'm getting from this couple are all wrong.
Something seems wrong and I think YouWish is onto something with the Grooming suggestion. It rings true.
I too think the tears were too convenient. Turned on and just as quickly turned off.
If a husband came back to find his wife had been crying then a loving husband would be concerned and wonder what
had transpired and what was said, and not dismiss it so easily.
I would be extremely uncomfortable if I was placed in this situation.
Explain all your concerns to your husband. Explain why you do not want to socialize with the couple again.
Develop a hobby and immerse yourself in that when your husband is workimg
Let the couple cultivate another available
target, but make sure that you're not that target.
Your disquiet is entirely understandable.
Trust your instincts in this situation.
Especially do NOT accept an invitation for ''one last outing together''.
Since I am getting such ''off'' vibes about this couple I would be very concerned about one of them slipping something into your drink to soften you up further.
Do not entertain the wife as just a friend. They have to solve their own problems together. Do not allow yourself to be trapped in their web. You don't need that drama in your life.
The wife has to develop her own courage to leave her cheater husband.
Her husband sounds like a creep.
You do need to discuss all this with your husband. Do not allow this couple to undermine your relationship with your man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2015): I don't know but this whole scene for me is a bit played. Everything happened in one night: her telling you about her husband, and her husband flirting with you.
You guys went out few times before, he never flirted with you, she never told you the secret, why suddenly everything on one night??
If I were you i would avoid them from now on, they will get the signal. The whole situation has a bad taste to it, and you yourself feel it . Trust your intuition,man's avoid them.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 February 2015):
 How long have you known them?? I'd have been suspicious that you were being "groomed". It seems so weird that this guy would get up, she would give you traumatic news, which she most likely would have talked to her husband about? Many women would have cancelled casual plans right after hearing news like that, rather than breaking out the booze and entertaining guests.
What would have me MORE suspicious is that after the conversation, which you had just enough time to have, the guy comes back in, doesn't see that his wife was crying, and THEN flirts with you because you miraculously get alone time with him? Then she happens to come back in right at that time?
Boy, I wonder if you were being screened for a threesome. You mentioned "odd tension", right? Something seems more off than just a cheating revelation and a lecherous husband. I wouldn't want to be around them either, but I'd also be suspicious.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (28 February 2015):
 Eeeewwwww!that sous too wierd for my taste also. I think sunlight s the bes disenfectan here. Bthat I mean tell her about it and b clear that if he does it againou'll be foced to reprt it to t authorities out of fear for your safety.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2015): I think that your gut feeling is right and not to have anything to do with them is the correct course of action. Telling your partner will widen this issue and could instigate your man to react with that guy even though the best course of action is to stop the friendship and say nothing to anyone. By no means should you go on a vacation with them and you should cancel those plans. Find yourself a new set of drinking friends because these are done with for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2015): If he hits on you again, inform him you'll tell his wife. I think she did hear him, and she wants to see how you'll react or respond to it. She didn't say anything, but she's watching you. You might as well end this mess now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2015): Explain your feelings to your partner. Any abrupt actions to suddenly cut them off with no explanation will demand answers anyway. You didn't do anything, and he should know what's-up!
Remind your mate that you all had several drinks; but your neighbor's husband's inappropriate comments were uninvited and totally out of the blue. Attribute most of it to his intoxication, which it was. Those two are unnecessary drama in your life; and you don't need to be her shoulder to cry on, if she wants to keep him in her life in spite of what she knows about him. She's placing you in the middle, and this has a potential to go wrong in so many ways.
Explain to your partner how she intimated things about their marriage that you no longer feel comfortable dealing with. He'll understand. You have to be brave and assertive in these types of matters. He'll hit on you again and again, and you'll feel all the more uncomfortable. Then your partner will become angry; and you've got a mess on your hands that you could have nipped at the bud.
You should be very honest with her. Let her know that since she explained her marital-problems; you feel uncomfortable spending time with them, until you feel they've worked things out. It makes you feel awkward, and you don't want to put on a pretense around her husband. Let her know you'll be happy for a chat now and then; but since that evening you feel you can't be yourself.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 February 2015):
 Talk to your partner. He knows them too.
As for not wanting to spend time with them, THAT is your choice. JUST like it's the WIFE's choice to STAY with a cheating skank of a husband. And the husban'd choice to cheat.
IF you feel that they have "too questionable" morals and value (or whatever) then just let the friendship run out in the sand. If she asks you, be honest. Tell her the husband made a pass at you and you are no longer comfortable around him.
I would SO not go on a vacation with these two.
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