A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, i am 22 and my girlfried is 19, my girlfriend of 9 months is planning on getting a flat with me next year, wich i dont feel ready for, i pay 180 a month to live with my mum and dad and am on a decent wage , and she pays 100 a month to live with her mum and step dad and earns a slightly better wage than me, wich i have told her that getting a flat is atleast 500 a month from just browsing, not to mention all the other bills, wich we would only just be able to afford but with no luxurys, she has her heart set on it though, also i may not be in a job for much longer (boss retiring in next 2 years, so i will be made redundant) so i am hesitant until i know what i want to do , for example try go to college wich i have to pay for, stick at this job for two more years or find another job i am so undecided and dont what to do ,she is very impetiant and is the type of girl where if she wants somthing she will do all she can to get it, and i feel like i am being pushed into it, its not moving in with her i am scared of i love her dearly, its the money issues ! any help and advice please
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 February 2015):
 Then tell her "Honey, I am so looking forward to move in with you, and the moment we find something within our budget we will jump at the opportunity".
Stop being so melodramatic. It sincerely sounds like you're just making up a lot of excuses. If you're on a decent wage and she is too, then there should be no problem in paying 500 for a flat. But you need to BUDGET. And doesn't sound like either of you have.
So put up a monthly budget together and see what you can actually afford.
Savings
Rent
Food
Electricity
Internet
Phone
Transportation
Hobbies/relaxation
-other
What's your income minus the expenses. Then you'll know what rent you can afford and not. That's all it comes down to. Quit the chit chatter and vague ideas about what you "think" things cost and what you "think" you can afford and what you "think" might happen or might not happen. Get down to the numbers. If you can afford it, then look into why you're dragging your feet about making a future for yourself with your girlfriend. What's stopping you?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2015): I'm going to disagree with the majority of the replies that have been posted.
Your girlfriend is looking to rent a flat with you next year. By that point she'll have been your girlfriend for almost two years. I don't think that's an unreasonable step to be planning for. In effect she's giving you a huge amount of notice of where she hopes the relationship is going. It's up to you to decide if that's something that you want to.
As for finances, you don't say what you're earning or what your existing costs are, but £500 a month split two ways would seem doable. Add in £150 a month each for utilities, council tax etc. If you're on a decent wage and she's on something similar, then you're looking at around £5000 a year each. I can understand if you've got a lot of debt, or you're saving for college or the deposit for a home, that you couldn't afford it. If that is the case then, yes you have to explain to her that that's where you are and that you can't afford it.
As for you job being insecure, most people don't have a guarantee of life long employment. In your case you're lucky enough to have 2 years notice that you'll have to find something else. Again, you'll need to decide what you want to do and whether it's college or another job.
Don't be pressured into doing something that you don't want to, but be realistic about your reasons and discuss it with your girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (25 February 2015):
 This isn't fair on you. She is pressuring you into getting a flat and if you can't afford it she should accept that.
9 months is way too soon for you too move in with her, because honestly, when you are in a relationship you think you can live with someone, but when it actually happens its normally completely different to how you thought it'd be.
I moved in with my boyfriend for no more than 2 weeks, and all I can say is it was a huge contributing factor to why we broke up. Neither of us got our space and it was just a bad idea and we had only been together for 6 months.
You need to tell her that you can't afford it, don't beat around the bush, just tell her upfront that you can't afford it and you don't even know if your ready to live with someone. Let her know that things are going to change with your job, and tell her of your plans to go to college and say you aren't willing to spend all your money on a flat and not have enough money to do anything else!
Some girls are impatient, that is true, but there is difference to being impatient and being unreasonable... if you don't/can't move in with her, then like any loving girlfriend, she should accept it and understand that it is a dream which she cannot have yet... which is fine, there is nothing unreasonable about that.
If she keeps trying too push you into it, put your foot down and say she is making you feel bad because she knows you can't afford it.. it's not fair on you if she keeps on insisting. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (25 February 2015):
 9 months is too soon to be pressuring you into moving in together. Not only that, but it's almost like you're the warm body she's using to get out of her house. That's no reason to rush into it.
Stand your ground. If she loves you, she will respect your feelings and stop pushing you. If she doesn't respect it, then she's not for you in the first place.
You have only so long to save your money. Eventually, you will have to leave the nest, but you don't have to be pushed into taking care of someone else at the same time, and at her age, I'd be suspicious that that's what she's going to want from you...you taking care of her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2015): Don't allow her to rush you into anything. What's the point of taking on a place you can't afford, and ending-up out on the street?
She is too young and far too eager if you ask me. She's only 19!!! What does she know about paying bills and paying the rent? Your parents still handle the bulk of your living expenses, and make up for what you can't pay yourselves.
What you're paying to live at home is nothing in comparison to taking on your own flat.
You have to be practical. Man-up and be assertive about your opinions; if you're going to take on the responsibility of moving out into the world.
You can't let her push you around; while you just go along with whatever she says. She doesn't have a clue! She doesn't stop to think about additional expenses incurred along with your rent. Utility bills, phone and computer services, groceries, clothing, bus fare, haircuts, and miscellaneous expenses that pop-up out of nowhere. Be prepared. Don't rush into anything.
At best, all you can afford is a dumpy little place; that would probably need a lot of work. It could end-up cold, leaky, cramped, and uncomfortable. She'll be the first to complain!
You haven't known this girl that long. Moving in together is a very big step. You're far from ready, because you aren't mature enough to standup for yourself, and assert your own opinion when you know you're right. There is no room for error, you have to know what you're doing!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 February 2015):
 Here's a script you might wish to print-out and have in your hand when you next discuss this with her:
"Hunchy-bunchy, I love you dearly... and enjoy the time we spend together... and would even like to spend MORE time with you. HOWEVER, if "spending more time together" means that we live in poverty, because the price of a flat - plus all the utilities and other costs that go along with it - is prohibitive.... then, I suggest we stay "status quo" for the time being.... AND, when we can afford to have a single address that we share, we take that address, then. What do you think, Hunchy-bunchy?"
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Athena1989 +, writes (25 February 2015):
Speaking from experience: I did this with my boyfriend two years ago and I must warn you to ere on the side of caution! Money does tend to creep up on you and even if you are both on a decent wage (as we were) it still all adds up and can put a lot of stress on a relationship and you are both in the early stages of your relationship - 9 months is awfully quick, my boyfriend and I had been in our relationship for eight years and even then it was a 'should we really do this?'. I am not in any way saying don't do it, if you think it is the right thing for you both then give it a go, you have the option to sign a six month contact sometimes so that could always be a good move, but do sit down with your girlfriend and discuss seriously your concerns and your worries. If you do this and it doesn't work out then at least you can say you tried but if you sit down, discuss and be realistic about your choices and options then there is all the more chance it will work out. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2015): Tell her exactly what you wrote here. A relationship is between two people, she can't just decide she wants to move out with you and so it is happening. Explain to her like you explained to us, that you're not ready yet due to work and whether you'll be at college soon etc... If she wants to get a place to herself then she can go for it but you're not ready yet. You could be using this time, paying pennies in rent to your parents, to save for a house or to go travelling etc... So many possibilities, maybe your gf is in a rush to grow up but remind her of the things you could do before renting a house.If you'd quite like to live with her but are worried about the money, maybe you could rent a double room in a house share. That way it's not far off what you both pay your parents and you don't have all the responsibilities on your own.
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