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female
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anonymous
writes:I'm ready to leave the most wonderful guy in the world because I can't accept his past. He's generous, kind, funny and worships the ground I walk on. However, he's slept with over 100 women, has an STD and has no money and has absolutely no chance of ever having a successful job or future.I've been trying to leave for a long time, as I obsess over all the girls he's slept with etc. I am so confused about what to do. Is this my insecurities coming out? Am I worth more than this? Should I let him go, I can't seem to move past this? It's making us both unhappy, there's lot's resentment between us and we argue every time we get drunk but put a front on the rest of the time. This man is wonderful and treats me like a princess but this is something I can't accept. I want a guy who hasn't had loads of one night stands and understands what making love is, as I do. He claims he does but I don't know, can you after a life of that?I have problems with change and can't seem to walk away once I start the conversation about finishing him. I don't know whether this is because I know this is a silly reason for ending something which is otherwise so good or just because I don't want my comforts and securities to be taken away from me. I have a great family and friends so I don't know why I can't make a normal person's decision. Please help me before I maybe make the worst mistake of my life!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): Ok well Im a female with the same past as his, But I found a man that im deeply in love with and he is with I so I think if the chemestry is there then what more do you need? You know you can always look to each other for comfort, a warm smile, someone to joke with, cry with, and love, UNCONDITIONALLY...However we all know that money makes the world go around, who ever denys that is lying to themself, I have a great job and so does he, but when we started out he was a farm boy and I was a city girl, we moved to Florida, Thats when he started his career in Mortgages, I didnt think he was going to do anything with his life to be honest with you, then he proved me wrong. But I must say if its love you want, then what more could you be looking for? This guy my mom is involved with uses her, he doesnt work, doesnt cook, clean, doesnt watch my little brother. And if she needs a ride to work he tells her to walk! She is 7 miles away from where she works! Now my little sis moved in with them, She has her own car, She has a phone. He is losing control so he thretens my mom! My mom thinks he is on meth and coke. She calls the cops what can she do they wont remove him from the house! Even after he hits her! She has to sit and suffer until she can move. Now my dad want my sis to move back with him. That leaves my mom stuck with no car and him still abusing her! She is scared to drive she has never had a licence... But thats going to change soon! She needs to do something. Now my little bro is a very violent child. He is a product of his own environment. My step dad abused my mom for a loong time, raped me and my sister, and has never had a job! He tried to kill my mother two times by mixing pills in her drink and food. She went into seizures. When I was 10?, I saw him beat my mom burn all of her clothes, take a bite, an actual bite out of her back, 3-4 months after she had my little brother. I took him and my 7yr old sister to my grandmas 3 blocks down the road. He followed us and told my grandma my mom was trying to kill him not to let her int he house. I said he was a liar, my grandma told me to shut up! Thats my moms mom. I said let her in, kick him out! She said just be quiet! My grandma had these floridian doors, They have about 15 panes of 3inch frosted glass, with a nob to twist to open or close them. Well all I saw was her bloody hand slide down the glass. I opened the door she was covered in blood, he broke her ribs, her face was black and blue blood all over, still did nothing! He works with the cops to bust drug dealers to cover his ass! One time my little sis walked up to him, he told her to follow him, she did. Little did she know she walked into a room with 6 huge, I mean huge guys! My stepdad was wearing a wire! These guys had guns! My sister was freaking out! They were dealing meth, They said if your not cops then do some meth! The f****** cops knew my little sis was in there! They didnt do $hit! They let her do meth, then they tried covering their ass on the wire by saying "oh who is she?" My step dad said oh dont worry she is with me, They all just laughed! Then they were in the cop car acting like they just got busted. On the way back to the police station he told my sis here crotch this! Like nothing just happened! No im sorry to drag you into that, or I didnt mean for that to happen! He was stealing from the cops! No wait he was making her steal from the cops, after all she went through, if she would of said no then he would of said she was with those guys! She thought she was dead... So he met another woman and left my mom after he got everything he could from her, He is now wanted for attempted murder in NY. He beat someone with a crowbar. Back to the new Boyfriend he was a christian man when my mom met him, He worked hard everyday, went to church every sunday, That was 3 Years ago, Now he is becoming more and more violent everyday, Can you Imagine 2 years from now? He is my stepdad all over again... I guess what Im trying to say is... Neither one of them worked, They had nothing better to do all day besides sit and wonder, what are they doing? Who are they doing it with? And we all know when our mind wanders it can go to far away places, especially with minds like theirs... They worshiped the ground my mom walked on! Then they became posessive! I dont see guys many guys that are that way (thank god) But If he is overly nice to you and you are new to this relationship and you get one gut feeling that what if? Then I think thats a sign... You asked people on the internet, yes its outside info which is great, but you already have that doubt... You dont need someone to get jealous or posessive cause they think you looked at someone the wrong way... I only say things like I just said to help people, I dont want to see anyone else go through what I saw my family to go though. Or what my family is going through... I learn from my mistakes and the mistakes of others, as do we all... But I did have a sad past and no matter what your past you have to let it go, You have to be able to breathe, Its your past for a reason, And my stepdad didnt make it into my future for a reason. All you can do is dust yourself off and learn, If you think this man has learned from his mistakes then let it go, If you cant then dont hold it against him, Its not fair to either one of you. I cheated on my current boyfriend, with 3 guys in 4 month seperation when we first got together. I made a promise to never cheat on him after that, And god strike me down right now if im lying, I have not to this day cheated on him in 4 years, we have been together for 5 years. We have moved on, yea we hit some rollercoasters small arguemnts about this and that, (can my sis stay the night LOL) But he forgave me, let it all go, and what we have is simply beautiful, I wouldnt trade it for the world! He sees that I have changed, and that I do love him. His past prob. has a lot to do with the reasons he loves you? He sees something in you that he loves and wants, wether its one of your strengths or weaknesses. Its something he loves. You need to ask your self with a level head, why am I in love with him? And What would I change? You cant change your partner that is up to them to do. Is it something they want or are capable of changing? Weigh your options, after all they are your options. Choose wisely... Good Luck and Best Wishes! I hope this helps someone, maybe not today, but maybe tomorrow? Take care...
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (23 November 2006):
 This is an issue i have been struggling with over the last year, but recently it has been getting better. Search in my past posts to see some of the comments on this, although I have also written numerous things on other sites and in personal emails to people. If you would like to talk about it please message me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2006): I'm interested in talking further if there's a chance it can help me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone who gave me advice, I'm still feeling down about this but a friend have me some advice that got me thinking today: you can't judge a mans ideas about sex against your own. Maybe she's right, we are too different from men and so can't expect them to think the way we do.
The last person who answered, who's having the same problems with his girlfriend, maybe you could get in touch with me privately? I think we have a lot in common, his sex drive with me is low too! If you are interested in talking further, please leave me a note on here, I think we could really get talking about this and help each other. Thanks again everyone.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006): I have the same problem with my girl friend. She's slept with more guys than she can remember. I think about it pretty much every day and have done so for almost an entire year (since she told me). It disgusts me and although she talks about marriage all the time I don't think she deserves marriage. How can someone behave like that and then expect a traditional relationship? Perhaps I just don't have forgiveness in me. To top it all off her sex drive has gone down hill recently so I can't even justify her past sex life by being sexually satisified now. Not that it would make a difference really since sex couldn't possibly be special for her (and consequently me). Maybe she's having an affair (she's had them with other boyfriends before). How can you trust someone with a history like that?
I think a break-up is pretty much inevitable. Good luck. I know how you feel.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): listen i'm a man with a horrible past as well but leaving him for what he has done in his past is crazy. I have been with many girls in the past not 100 but close and one thing i can say is that you learn from all your mistakes in the past and that he has had his fair share of women but has stopped at you. You must have something that he really likes let it go and think of how he treats you does he love u? is he good to you? does he make you happy? if it is yes to these questions hold on cause people like that r hard to find?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006):
"...and has absolutely no chance of ever having a successful job or future."
Thats pretty revealing. How did you decide that? Either you are a pessimistic person in general or you are trying to argue yourself into dropping him for what would be considered a more solid reason.
You are within your rights to drop him for any of the reasons listed, but try to examine things dispassionatly. For example, it might not be the 100 women number as much as he still has the same mindset that lead him to chase after 100 women trying find something.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): im going through the same thing. im glad im not alone. my mans past is awful, but i cant walk away. do what feels best. thats why ive decided to finish with him ... tonight. i cant deal with it any more. hope this helps xx
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