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female
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*mithapatel
writes: i need a solution so plz be fast help me out.i have a loving bf the problem is my past troubles him a lot he thinks of it all the time and comes wth weird thoughts,how do i stop himhe lves me a lot and i love him too, and i dont wanna lose him no matter what. he doesnt know evrything and i refuse to talk abt it, he tells me he doesnt want to hear all that but its quite obvious that it irritates him.even if we are ok for a few days he brings this up and spoils everything.will we ever have a normal life?i dont want to move on neither of us can how do i solve this mess?
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 I understand your situation, and your reaction. I know how bad it can be, and I think that it is very hard for anyone who hasn't been in that situation to empathise. It's not what it seems to be, and not at all easily dealt with.
This comes up frequently here, it is a common problem, you are not the only person in this situation. Have a read of these previous posts. There is some bad advice in each, but also some good:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/obsessed-with-my-girlfriends-sexual-history-should-i.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-wants-to-know-everything-about-my-past.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-cant-i-get-my-gfs-past-sex-life-out-of-my-head.html
A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 Past is past and should be left alone, it is your private business after all. If you boyfriend cannot respect that and move on with the present, you both have no future together, not happy one anyway.
Are there reminders that constantly pop up, if so is there a way to move away from it. Work on what you can do.
Past cannot be changed, you both need to accept that to be happy.
If you boyfriend cannot trust you that things have changed to Now, you may get hurt and be made to feel miserable.
I am sure you want to forget the past more than he does.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): i just wanna say to the people who have posted replys about how its the past etc.. well it can really hurt and eaffect some people. like my bf. i just want say you dont have a clue.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): i dont think ur past should matter at this point. i dont even know why ur talking about it. i guess it would be different if he really wanted to know for peice of mind, without it bothering him or affecting him. in the meantime i would just drop the subject and leave well enough alone at least until he can handle it.
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A
female
reader, DearDolly +, writes (6 December 2006):
 Make it clear to him that talking about your past makes you uncomfortable and ask him to respect your wishes.
Its understandable that it irritates him, He probably thinks you can't open up to him.
Just tell him your looking towards the future with him and you would prefer to forget your past.
Good luck.
Dolly.
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A
female
reader, Nikita +, writes (6 December 2006):
 Hi Smithapatel,
You have to reassure him that he is the only one for you. If he asks about your past anymore refuse to talk about it. Say its in the past and that's where it should firmly stay. Doesn't he have a past? Explain that you can't change it no matter what he thinks or says and that if he wants the relationship to continue, he's going to have to stop torturing himself and you over something that happened before you met. Continue to reassure him and gradually, he may get the message that you're with him now. Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): Just point out quite firmly that we all have a past and to stop torturing you because of yours. It isn't fair. We have all done things we regret but we can't undo them or turn back the clock. Don't tell him another thing, he obviously cannot handle it. Have a good chat with him and explain that he is for now and all of that is gone and won't return. He need to let go of these things in his head or they will destroy your relationship.
Take care
xx
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