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*akaman
writes:I have had problems with my girlfriend's sexual past before and sometimes I think I am getting over it. However, last night I was using her computer and I noticed that there were some hidden files that I could not access. Judging from the file names and paths it has to do with her sexual past. She hides this information from me because of how bad I reacted to it before but it kills me even more to know that she is hiding it. Should I look at these files? Should I confront her about them? Or should I just wait until she is comfortable enough to tell me? From my past experience with her I know that she will not tell me for a long time. I am obsessed with her past now and it consumes my thoughts daily. What is the best thing to do?
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male
reader, macdubh712 +, writes (9 April 2011):
I feel ya. I have asked about exGFs' pasts and have not liked some of the answers, but at the same time it turns me on. I say give her assurance that you won't overreact if you ask her anything else.
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reader, bleedgreen314 +, writes (11 October 2010):
I've been with the same girl for about 14 months and we talk openly about being the one that we're going to settle down with. I do love her and she loves me, but there's no question that my jealousy/obsession with her sexual past gets in the way of how I treat her. To be more specific, it's at any point in the day where a person/place/thing will trigger my mind to start thinking about it, it's just a route that my mind is looking for an excuse to go down. At that point, tonight for example, I'll spend time trying to do research on her email or any other saved communication to see if there's anything she's not telling me. I feel guilty that I'm betraying her trust but it's a sick obsession that gets the best of me.
She is for the most part the awesome girl that I love, she really is my best friend. The kicker here is that I was lonely for a couple years and at first to me I was a dawg and was just using the relationship for sex. When I tried to break it off I came back to her, part of fear of not having anyone else but also because she was growing on me. One night in bed I asked the question we've all wanted to know - "how many partners have we each been with?" I feel as if she gave me an arbitrary number- 9. I didn't realize my obsession would take me into the two year history of her email for hours, up until the early hours of the morning. It was not pleasant what I've found out.
Tonight is what I call a relapse- I gave back into the obsession and went through the email and found out that she had "slutty summer 09" and "hooked up with rando's and at one point may not have been able to name the baby daddy if she got pregnant." What sucks most about that is I met her in August 09. But do I consider myself a sucker? Actually, I do not. Why not?
For starters, we did not know each other. This is where my head plays the old trick, " I wish I would've met her a few years earlier," and that leads to the other game "Where was I in the point of time that this picture/story she is telling me refers to?" It is a sick game, a painful game and it detracts from my emotional well being. So it took me a year, but I ask myself this: does she love me? Yes, without a doubt. The things we do with each other, the things she's done for me, such as being there when I was really sick, skipping sporting events she paid good money for to nurse me back to health; cooking for me; never looking at other men and I truly believe it; taking me back after sabatoging her career, slapping her and verbally abusing her. These things I am not proud of, they were driven from a mental obsession to not accept the perfect love we have for each other because of an age old mechanism which thinks she should've waited for me for 25 years. Newsflash, that's not going to happen.
The only thing that I try to focus on these days is that I've been able to be there for her in times of grief, when her grandfather passed away. She's been there and supported my sobriety (which is a disease of the mind). We laugh and I'm happy, and that's all I can ask for. It's not the end of the world, she's got a past, some of which she's proud of and some of which she's not. I'm the same way, I've got a couple trophies and I've got a couple that I'd have to admit were out of desperation. I think she's got more than I do in total, but in promiscuity lies some need for validation, and with that I can relate to my girlfriend completely. Sometimes it was just physical pleasure and once again I have been there.
So, everyone's got a past, the only side of the street I should be cleaning up right now is my own. Besides, when your focus on yourself and tend not to judge others, and take your ego out of the equation (which is telling us that we need to prove some adequacy over the ghosts of lovers past), things get better as others tend to gravitate towards what you're doing and the noticable improvement, peace and wisdom you express in your life.
So just to recap, I relapsed tonight and checked her email. I'm not proud of it. It's like having an addiction to heroin. Writing it out helps me feel better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): For starters - dont buy into this "the past is the past" bull. Why do you think there they keep criminal records? Why is there a huge industry dedicated to running background checks? Because for the most part peoples past actions dictate how they behave in the future. If your girl was easy in the past, she'll likely be that way in the future - just the way it is. Sure, you can take a chance she wont be, but when I roll the dice I like to have the odds way stacked in my favor, especially for such important decisions.For the guy who said his gf had one night stands and then made him wait - I understand your apprehension. Like I have told others - everything you need to know is right in front of you right now, dont ignore it.Then again, if giving yourself to the town bike doesnt bother you, then by all means go for it.Best of luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2010): I'm a little bit late on this one, but yeah I'm going through a similar kind of thing right now. I know my girl has been with a lot of guys, and done some seriously questionable stuff in her past, and I know how easy it is to get caught up in that adrenaline-fueled fear about the stuff she might be hiding or whatever. Luckily, however, my girl has been honest with me from the outset and even if she knows I won't like something, she'll tell me, so as far as I'm concerned, honesty is key.
If anybody else is in a similar situation, I recommend being straight forward with it. Everybody has a sexual past, some 'nicer' than others, but honesty is gonna be what makes or breaks you as a long-term prospect. You don't have to LIKE his / her sexual past, and you can be open about that with them. If they don't respect your view, or if they continue to hide things or lie to you, then you have to realise one very simple thing - you deserve a lot better than that. So have some self-respect and walk away if your partner cannot treat you like a worthwhile person - relationships take work, and if only one of you is working, just see it for what it is and call it a day.
As for actually looking into files - No, don't. Ask her about it, talk to her about it. Chances are, you do NOT want to see the evidence of her sexual past because it will hurt you, and you'll probably overlook the fact that it's been taken out of context - i.e. that at that point in time she had every right to be thoroughly enjoying herself. Exceptions to this of corse include cheating, and that comes straight back to honesty.
Bottom line: Talk, be open, be understanding, be honest, don't hide your opinion but share it instead, and if your partner cannot afford you the same privileges - flush.
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reader, businessasusual  +, writes (4 June 2010):
I'm in a similar situation - my girlfriend came by the other day and needed me to transfer something to her flash drive but it dind't have room. So, she told me to take the largest sized folder and put it on my desktop for storage. When I asked her how the folder was so big (because she's not the computer type person to store things other than word documents or handouts from class) she said that there was just some "stuff" in there. I asked her what kind of stuff and if there was anything in there that I wouldn't like and she just kind of pursed her lips and said "weeelllll...".That set off a curiosity bomb in my head and as soon as she left I began my investigations. Surely I did find things I didn't like..some videos and such... I could have only watched two or three... I really didn't think I was a strong enough human to handle what I would see in the rest. Later on the phone I asked her what kind of stuff she kept in there and she said it was just a backup of her pictures and videos folder that she made when her computer go wiped a few months ago. She admitted to never maintaining the folders by cleaning out irrelevant stuff (hence the reason it grew so big)So the things is that the files may be there, but she may not even be aware that they're there still there. My advice save yourself the trouble - don't look at those effing files!!! Don't even ask her about it. You'll make yourself sad and extremely hurt (as I did). Pretend they're not there. The folder with her stuff has been on my desktop for about two months now and I have yet to venture in there again.
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reader, babylove69 +, writes (11 April 2010):
Everyone posts and insights were very helpful with what I've been going through with my bf/fiance as well...So I just want to thank everyone...:)
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2009): kakaman,
I'm in the same situation as you. Been with my gf for 8 months now. This being a problem we both have, I'd appreciate it if you'd tell me how your relationship has been going with this issue. Are you guys still dating? Are your feelings under control? Are you happy in the relationship?
Appreciate it very much!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2007): I knew when I met my current GF she had probably been w/a few guys (I had estimated around 10), but I was willing to look past it because she's amazing in every other way. When she and I met, I was ending my first relationship, 10+ years with another great girl (we had just grown apart). Well, weeks into the knew relationship, mentions of a guy here and another there started to add up, so finally I asked. Turns out I'm around number 30 for her, whereas she's 2 for me. She's had just 2 other BFs, and the rest were just sex - friends, guys she met online, etc. I know that she's madly in love with me, and that sexually, I'm the best she's had. I know that I'll never need to worry about her seeking another or craving something from her past. Yet still I am bothered by this. Sure, it's probably ego, but I can't help also wondering what kind of girl I'm with. She swears that it was only sex, but I know her well enough to know that's not really possible for her. I could deal with just 2-3 serious BFs, but these online boy-toys and non-exclusive partners are hard to deal with. Making it worse is that she's slept w/several of her current friends, so I also must deal with her talking and even going out with these guys who were nothing but sex before. As for privacy, if you're in love, then there should be no secrets. Don't go snooping - if she loves you, she should've already told you about these files without you asking. She missed that chance, so you should just ask. And while you're at it, ask her to detail anything else she might have hidden from you. But be sure to look at your own life and decide whether there's anything you're keeping from her. Absolute trust is the most important thing in any relationship. Full disclosure. My GF has been hurt by BFs in the past, so it's hard to get her to be forthcoming, but it's necessary for her to open up if she wants to stay with me. I need our pasts to become something we can discuss openly and without negativity. If she can't be fully honest and open about it, then it leads me to wonder what she's keeping from me and why. I'm already getting over what she's told me so far, but until we get to the point that she never avoids my questions, I won't be able to get over it all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2007): Just look at the files and see what you are up against. But remember you may find something you don't like and from there you can never unlearn what you have learned it may haunt you and keep you up at night. After you have looked at the files don't tell her you looked at them or even lead her to believe you have. Just ask her subtle questions until she tells you on her own and then discuss this with her. Bottom line never let her know you looked at the files or even that you know these files exist.
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reader, InSearchofAnswers +, writes (26 April 2007):
"I'm ashamed to say that I read my girl's diary a week ago. I knew how many people she had slepr with, and thought I was OK with it after the initial disgust wore off, actually reading, in her handwriting, about sex with other men hurt me so much. I wish so badly I never would have done it, but it's something that just happened. I didn't even know it was her diary until I opened it. In all fairness, she just left it lying on the bed next to me while she was in the shower, which was really quite stupid of her. Anyway, I completely understand that my problem is just that...mine. Í just can't stop thinking about it, and I'm absolutely terrified that something so meaningless and irrelevant could end up ruining the best thing that's ever happened to me. Other than her sexual history, which isn't even remotely outlandish by the way, she absolutely perfect for me, and appears to be madly in love with me. I guess there aren't any answers out there for me, I just hope so bad that this obsession goes away, because I can't imagine anyone better suited for me, and the absolutely last thing I want to do is hurt her, because she's the sweetest person I've ever met in my life. The rational part of me knows that this is absolutely crazy, but some ugly part of me just can't let it go. What in the hell is wrong with me?"
Nothing - you are a guy, and emotion (love) has clouded your judgement... Im in the same boat. My girl has prob been with 15 dudes. I hate it. Whats more is that she talks about old hookups like they are friends, yet i know shes slept with them ... its almost like shes testing me to a degree. Other than that, shes the best thing thats ever happened to me - she understands me better than anyone, yet I continue to obsess over her past. What kills me is she F'd guys quickly in her past, yet made me wait for it. What kind of twisted logic is that? LOL ... and yet, I know Ive done the same on my end ... talk about a mindf&c ...
I hate my brain
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reader, tshirt  +, writes (7 April 2007):
I would suggest that you respect her privacy,looking in her hidden files would be as bad as reading her diary.Always bear in mind, that you have had some history and no doubt wouldn't like anyone to know parts of it.If you can't trust her, how can she trust you ?
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reader, kakaman +, writes (5 December 2006):
kakaman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'd like to thank everyone who gave me a thoughtful response. I really appreciate all the thought you put into this. It is great to know that there is an outlet for these terrible feelings tornadoing around inside my mind.
Since I posted this question I have had a lot of time to think. Time has helped sooth the ache a bit and I am feeling better everyday. This site, the people on here and a book I checked out from the library have really helped me to understand my feelings. If anyone has any problems with their partner's sexual past or sexual feelings I'd recommend a book called Pornography:The Other Side by F.M. Christensen. When I was feeling very low about my girlfriend's sexual past I never thought to consider my own feelings on sexuality. This book really helped me to find the cause of these feelings. It is actually very similar to what Yos wrote.
I really do appreciate what all of you have done for me. I hope that if anyone else is having these feelings that they will be as fortunate as I was in finding this site.
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reader, Yos  +, writes (5 December 2006):
 I have come to many conclusions about this.
Perhaps the darkest one is that as men who do this (I have been one myself) we are continuing in the great tradition of the hundreds of generations of men that have come before us. Namely to use 'morality' as a sheild to hide our own insecurities behind, and with which to control and chastise women. Our patriachal Christianity-derived morality has been evolved by men for men. Is it any wonder then that it proves to be so convenient for us at times like these? Almost as if it was designed with this task in mind...
I do subscribe to the modern feminist view that this has to change, and that the traditional moralistic view of womens sexual behaviour is deeply flawed. And deeply unfair and damaging. Women as virgins or whores, with no middle ground allowable.
And with that I also agree with many feminists that what has happened in the last few decades is also deeply flawed. Women, through finding their voice, have been led into another trap where they are 'allowed' to play like men in a mans world, only to have it come back and bite them when they want to settle down. This too is flawed, although being in the midst of it in our sexual-consumer society, it makes it hard to see past it. The supposed 'sexual freedom' that has been won is nothing of the sort. Sex in the City is an elaborate fantasy, real life is just not like that. Nor can it ever be. Nor should it be.
I hope somewhere in our collective future is a place where men and women find a way to express themselves sexually from a strong and secure place, without the need on either side to escape into promiscuity. My experiences have shown me that for most people promiscuity is damaging, that those of us who do it are not usually doing it from a good place, but out of insecurity and a need for validation. I guess my hope is that we collectively create better forms of validation and support that are truer to our sexual natures. That women can feel sexual, desired and safe without having to play like men and fuck like men, and than men can feel sexual, powerful and successful without having to put so many pointless notches in our bed-posts to do so.
As the Zen philosophers would tell us, the greatest power is power that you never need to use. Perhaps somewhere out there is a way for men and women to have and express their own sexual power without the need to display it and squander it.
How to do this, I have no idea.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2006): It comes down to this. when girl has a past it changes them in the guys eye's. it makes them cheaper, undesirable, tainted, and experianced. guys want a pure girl, they want to feel as though they're forcing the woman to the bad. and that no one else before them was able to. a challange. when a girl has a past it does indeed chnge them, it teached them tjhat they have power, and if they've lived the dating around life long enough they learn how to manipulate men, lie and decieve. this does make them undesirable because they are now no different than men.
I've been locked up in a long term relationship near my entire life and just got back into the real world. i don't like what i see, 99.9% of the woman out there are no longer pure and speak about men as if they are peices of meat. no guy will like this once this initial infatuation is over. they also act as if they're are the same as men which i personally don't like either because i still believe that woman and men arre different in many ways and have thier proper roles to follow.
woman are dogs just like us. accept it or use them! you choose...
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2006): I done a search on google just now with the keywords being "how to get over my girlfriends sexual past" and this thread came up. I'm also having some major issues right now. i'm near thirty and have been with the same girl (my first) since i was 16. we recently parted and i'm with someone new. we've been togther and living togather for around 7 months now and have been through a lot of bumps due to her never living with someone before. and due to her past coming up. the second month we were living togather she told me that months before we met an old male friend from collage bought her and her girlfriend tickets to see a concert out of town and that she wanted to go. i said okay, playing that i dind't care. trying to put the front of the cool not caring guy...anyways, i never thought about this much until our fifth month togather I found out some more about her past through conversation, at this point i started to realize that i'm hearing a different story than she's held to and realized how well she can lie...this bothered me and i started to think harder about stuff and snooped into her phone and email one night. she had emails going back 5 years still in there. i stayed up till the wee small hours reading each and every one. nearly 7,000 of them.
I told myself that the ones before me don't count and didn't dwell on them but realized that has a power trip attitude inside her fromt he way she broke up with this one guy. and i didn't like the way she talked about men with her girlfriend over email either, in a sexual way as if men were objects of sex...
most importantly i found out that she was driving conversation with a guy "friend" that she used to date right before we met that she was crazy about. this guy actually rejected her when she pushed for sex from him due to religen and they parted ways but i now knew that she still wanted his conversation if not more. being over friendly, flirtatious etc...well i told myself that i wouldn't say anythung about this to her as she'd know i went through her stuff and I attempted to hold it in. in the meanwhile i started to ask her questions i already knew the answers too like, when was the last time you spoke with him? she lied repeatedly to me. i finally gave up and told her i knew and that i'm walking because she lies to much...She was at work and this was through email...i packed my stuff and was getting ready to walk out the door back to my home state when she pulled up and begged me not to go. she started saying things like the emails dind't mean anything and she is sorry that she lied etc... that it means nothing and i'm the one for her...blah blah...i remained stern for two hours of this crap saying that i'm gone and i hope you have a good life, it was fun etc...finally she convinced me to listen to her. i told her that if she wants me to stay she has to tell me everything as i'm worried i'll never trust her again now...well boy oh boy - she gave it to me. one night stands with old high school friends, the guy that she went to the concert with was an old rebound flame from collage, actual act's she done with other guys in her past, bathrooms, rest stops, parks, cars...dear lord! i've been with one woman my entire life, i'm insecure about this stuff but i promised her that i wouldn't hold what she was about to tell me againts her and i attempted to get over it and trust.
For weeks i hated her deep inside and was being a cold prick to her. i kept making comments with a negitive slur to her relating to her past. then i decided to jump on the wagon and have my fun with her sexually, so off to the parks we go, in come the toys and foriegn objects into the bedroom and out goes all respect i have for her...
something came up a couple weeks ago where i had to leave town for 6 days. during this time i tested myself and how i feel about her. i changed my mind on the subject every 2 minutes and felt as if i were going nuts. i decided i needed to get laid and came back without resolving this in my mind yet. now i'm finding myself laying here acting as if nothings wrong when in my mind i want to cry over her past.
Now i ask you, does this make any sense to you? i'm torturing myself over what someone else has done in there life. she's had 12 partners and is 27, she got started at 14 when she lost her virginety to a clear case of rape. and within a few days after it she was dating and having sex with another boy from school. to me this sounds like undesirable, but why? morals?
in the end, i'm going to look back and realize i wasted a lot of my life with this crap. and i'm probably going to end up leaving this girl even though nothing is wrong with her and she is otherwise just what i need as i am to her. i don't think i'll be able to get over what i've heard. if i never would have asked these questions or found out what i did "which meant nothing" i wouldn't have been going through these mental problems i'm now faced with and i would have been blissfully in love with who could have been my soul mate, wife and friend...
sound sad? IT IS! it's easier to let go the questions in your head that you want the answers too than to forget what you're about to hear.
My answer: Don't look...you will be sorry and you will be opening a can of worms that i guerrentee you cannot handle.
again, trust me, the uncertainty of not knowing something is far more barable than the pain of knowing...
maybe we're masacist and want to hurt ourselves. that i do not have the answers or wisdom to...i hope we all (insecure, jealous guys) turn out okay someday and find a balance to the crazyness..
peace and best of luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2006): i had the same problem my girlfriend didnt do much before but i found out the guy was a total jerk and she didnt like the guy and merely did it because he asked and i thought how could she give something away that is supposed to be specail so easy like that??? And it got me thinking how much does what she does with me mean if before she gave it away so cheap! I found this out after talking about our pasts and i really regret finding it out but to know about a person you have to know their past. And i agree with a previous statement if you are life partners there is no need for secrets and yes you can have privacy but surely the privacy should be between the two partners and not just one person that takes these things to the grave because then the other person never knows the real you.
My advice is ask her about what the files are and explain it is really killing you because you care bout her so much and you dont see why if it is what you think it is why she is keeping the past alive. If she isnt prepared to enlighten you knowing you are feeling crap bout the whole thing this shows there are other things she is likely to be keeping from you and she really doesnt care to much for your feelings over dealing with the issue and would rather loose you then reveal the truth and if she is honest and says yes the files are this just simply ask her to get rid of them and if she tells you they are something else it may sound bad but if she is being honest she should have no problem showing you to put your mind at rest.
hope this helps
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2006): gf and i nearly split last night because she asked if i thought she was a whore (in her past) and i answered affirmiatvely. why mince words?
23 guys before me, mostly in one short time span in her past. she knows she was slutty, just doesnt like to hear it.
in the age of feminism, women take pride in having a lot of sex, with the misconception that sex equates to power. in the end, they all feel dreary over it, from my experiences.
here is what you will find in her files:
she enjoyed sex. a lot. some guys are more well enowed than you. she finds sex thrilling. she fantasizes about past lovers. she wants more.
and then you will likely see sadness, regret and low self confidence.
there will be the same things written as you might find in your own journal if you kept one. its human sexuality, totally normal. its the morals imposed on us through a religious society that is at the root of the problem.
you just have to judge her on who she is now. althoug i do think that her keeping the files is a bad idea.
dont mince words. talk to her about it. but be prepared to give what you get.
my gf has a box of keepsakes. as long as i never see her teary eyed and pondering her past, its no big deal.
if she needed to cling to every momento and cherish every moment by rereading her diary, i would move on, as this is a sure sign of emotional weakness.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2006): I had this problem - mine was a little different. My girlfriend used to be a stud. She hooked up with an average of 20 guys per year for the 12 years she was active before me. Thats 200 guys. Sex for drugs. Sex for fun. Sex for booze. Blowjobs in bars. Sex with a whole hockey team - in one weekend. She was a hook up girl for a long time. One day I asked her if she had hooked up with "blank" - blank being every male name I could think of. She said yes to every one I mentioned.
She still keeps the worst of her past from me - I imagine she was a hooker. I don't know.
I went crazy for a while wondering how and why this girl would do these things. What I came up with was that she hated herself. Her father also died when she was 16 - which is a good pin point to mental problems. In her words she did the most degrading things to herself possible.
Now I really love this girl but - she has to take extra steps with me to make sure I am aware that she is only into me. I need reassurance all the time. Her past is what makes me not to trust her. The thing is that I treat her like a lady - old fashioned like she likes it. Her past definately doesn't warrant this treatment but today she is willing to take the extra steps that I need to know she is not out hooking up with others so I guess it is worth it - for who she is now, my girlfriend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2006): you ever sat up at night or even sat there on a day off from work and tried not to mastrubate when you really wanted to but you knew it might bring your energy down but you did it anyway. its like that with your girl's files. its better not to look at them of course. but you just have to know don't you. you just have to do it. and you probably will. if it causes the trauma that basically the same thing caused me, i really feel for you. and you're already freaking out. its there, and it has to be investigated. i hope you dont' get too traumatized cause it can lead to serious mental sexual problems.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2006): I'm ashamed to say that I read my girl's diary a week ago. I knew how many people she had slepr with, and thought I was OK with it after the initial disgust wore off, actually reading, in her handwriting, about sex with other men hurt me so much. I wish so badly I never would have done it, but it's something that just happened. I didn't even know it was her diary until I opened it. In all fairness, she just left it lying on the bed next to me while she was in the shower, which was really quite stupid of her. Anyway, I completely understand that my problem is just that...mine. Í just can't stop thinking about it, and I'm absolutely terrified that something so meaningless and irrelevant could end up ruining the best thing that's ever happened to me. Other than her sexual history, which isn't even remotely outlandish by the way, she absolutely perfect for me, and appears to be madly in love with me. I guess there aren't any answers out there for me, I just hope so bad that this obsession goes away, because I can't imagine anyone better suited for me, and the absolutely last thing I want to do is hurt her, because she's the sweetest person I've ever met in my life. The rational part of me knows that this is absolutely crazy, but some ugly part of me just can't let it go. What in the hell is wrong with me?
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reader, mystify +, writes (31 December 2005):
 Is this relationship serious? if so then why does she have files about past sex? if you are only dating and not serious yet then if it is consuming you confront her about it be open , dont snoop...you might get it wrong and you might upset her, if when you confront her she wont talk even knowing its affecting you then maybe you should seek a healthier relationship
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2005): Guys are letting great girls go due to insecurities and selfishness,my girl is a model from Denmark(where sex is very open) and she told me of so much sex she had over 20 men by age 21.She is faithful,my soulmate and the best friend I have ever had.She doesnt care if I have 5 dollars or 5 million.I am blessed. I like a girl who explored alot in her past,she liked sex and did it often,evenwith a couple strangers but she is the most faithful ,intelligent girl i have ever known. Dont be fooled guys dont let these girls go,learn to laugh with her about her past,if you know how to laugh about her past she will love you forever. (very important,I dont mean humor that puts her down,they can smell that a mile away).I have dated many women and the girls who have been around the block(many men) have the best hearts.You can keep the little virgins.My girl used these guys they didnt use her.They keep call she said"Thank you but Im done"in her wonderful Danish accent
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2005): Read:
http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/tenn/2005/12/14/purity/
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2005): Dude, seriously if you really love this chick then don't do it, but I do understand your curiosity though. Mine bit me in my ass and now I suffer daily for it and I know I shouldn't torture myself about it but....and women you need to understand something about this part...we as guys are very insecure and any guy that tells you he's not is lying through his ass!! There is a standing double standard that is still out there by some of us that are the last of the gentleman and I didn't snoop either we just talked about our pasts and I heard what I now know I wish I never had!!
That double standard to a point is there more because when you think of a woman you want to know she has always carried herself that way and not acted like a common street whore.....whereas guys are animals and we have always had a bad rap for being pigs so it is expected. Now, that double standard for me has been destroyed and I do think of her a bit differently than I did before and the things she did bother the hell out of me.
So no, don't do it because you sound like me and you will probably be devastated by what you find because she is hiding it in the first place so what does that tell you?? I love her to death but damn I get these bad thoughts and horrible visions in my head just about every other day and it is even worse because I know the guy too...so for the sake of your own sanity don't do it no matter how bad you want to!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2005): I totally know why you are curious and think you have a right to be. If you are even considering spending the rest of you life with this person, and perhaps raising children with her, you should know everything about her past. How someone has handled their past speaks to how they will handle themselves in the future. Besides no relatonship worth anything is based on lying or secret keeping. Do listen to people who say "her past is her past." I don't think Life Partners have a right to privacy from each other. If you keep secrets from each other, you have an arrangement, not a love-based relationship. If the files really are the past why does she need to hold on to them. If this knowledge ruins your relationship, it was destined to fail any way. You also need to think about if you are ready to forgive her for her past. If you really love her It won't make a differance what she has done in the past, but that doesen't mean she should hide it from you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2005): Leave the poor girl alone. I for one know that if I found out my boyfriend was "checking up on me" then I would leave in a flash, and by what you say I would think that you don't want that. You wouldn't want her to be spying on you, would you?
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female
reader, FudgemallowDelight +, writes (19 October 2005):
you sound like my ex boyfriend. he read my diary, made my life hell cus of what id written in there. he thretened to dump me jsut cus i put in there tht i thought some guy was good looking (i wrote tht before i even knew him). now we r split up he still demands to see my textx still questionsme aboutmy past and i cant handle it.
if u love this girl make her happy. dont make her sad chances r she regrets her past even if she has nothing to be ashamed off.
my boyfriend ruined our relationship. dont ruin your please just take my advice, it really doesnt matter abotu her passed u gata stop getting obbsessed with it; it will ruin ur life! andhers!
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female
reader, Kay-the-Cloud +, writes (18 October 2005):
How do you know for certain that it has anything to do with her sexual history? I totally agree with pops. If you can't handle it, then let it go.
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female
reader, sexseahot +, writes (18 October 2005):
 I think what happened in her past, should most likely stay in her past. You sound like my boyfriend. He read my diaries and found out things he really didn't want to know, but thanks to his snooping he found stuff out that I have to hear about now. He has calmed down about it and I haven't heard about it for a little bit, but that was my past. I don't think that someone's past should get in the way of their future relationships.
Stay out of her computer files, stay out of her past, just look towards your future together with her. That's what counts the most. She can change the past or make it acceptible to you. Accept her for who she is now and forget about anything that has happened in her past that you don't like. Things can only get better if you LET them. This means taking that step and understanding that she's with YOU now and not anyone else. Don't push her away, being so insecure or obsessed with her past will only do just that.
Good Luck!
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A
reader, pops +, writes (18 October 2005):
NO you should not look at her computer files, or her diaries, or question her past. If you can't handle it, do her a favor and walk away. Grow up! People have a right to their privacy, and to their pasts. They are the only judges as to whether they made a mistake in their past. You are not appointed to judge anyone but yourself. Leave her alone.
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