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female
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anonymous
writes: I accidentally hooked up with one of my brother's friends this past weekend (we are 3 years apart in age, 2 grades apart in school) and it became a huge ordeal. My parents found out about it and so then my brother found out and got really upset with me. He told me next time he is home he is going to get in a fight with him and that there is nothing I can do about it so I should get over it. I understand he is upset but as far as I am concerned I will never see this guy again probably and definitely will not pursue anything with him so my brother getting involved will only make things worse. First of all how can I make my parents not mad at me and second of all how can I convince my brother not to get in a fight with him? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (28 November 2006):
 You don't explain why everyone is so upset with you. Why would the have a problem with this? Is it because he is in some way a 'bad guy'? (in which case why is your brother a friend of his?), or is it because you are very young? And 'hooked up' is a very vague term, it can mean just kissing or it can mean sex. If you are 17 and just kissed the guy its one thing, if you are 14 and had sex then its something else.
Since you have no intention of 'pursuing anything with him' you should be able to save the situation by making this clear to your family. Tell them clearly that it was an accident (mistake even?), and you won't do anything else with him. If you can make them believe you then you should be ok.
Perhaps they are upset because this was an 'accident'? The thought of their daughter getting involved in 'accidental hookups' is very scary to parents. Not only from an STD and pregnancy point of view, but from a more general promiscuity / sexual self-esteem point of view also. They'll worry that you won't look after yourself around men and could end up in bad relationships with 'the wrong kind of guy'. If you want to gain their trust you'll need to demonstrate willpower around men, and show that you are able to distinguish between sensible / appropriate behaviour towards men and the kind of behaviour that gets you into trouble. Show them that you have the good sense and confidence to make choices between the good guys and the bad guys. That's not an easy thing to do, but it is something to think about.
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