A
female
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anonymous
writes:Hi all. Okay, this is going to sound really (really, really) stupid, but here it goes:I have a huge problem thinking that people are judging me about everything I do or say. (And I mean EVERYTHING.) It has impacted me on so many levels that I don’t even want to talk to anyone most times because I’m afraid that they might not agree with what I’ve said or else that they’ll think what I’ve just said is the stupidest thing they’ve ever heard – even if it’s opinion-based topics. And even if it’s not even anything within a conversation! Like when I’m at a stop light, I’ll turn down my music really low because I don’t want anyone to think I am listening to “stupid” music, even though I know it doesn’t matter what others, especially strangers, think. Plus it’s not like anyone can hear my music when it’s turned up anyway!Whenever I talk to anyone for more than like a minute I get red in the face (unless it’s someone close to me – like 2 people) because I think they’re just thinking about how stupid what I’m saying is. I just want to be able to have normal conversations!And I always think people are like staring at me – whether it be walking down a hallway in work or driving by a bus stop in my car. I KNOW that they’re not paying attention to me, but I feel like they are and they’re thinking “wow, she walks really weird,” or “her car looks really stupid.” This is so ridiculous!!! I know that nobody cares about any of this crap, but I can’t help thinking about it which ends up making me such a quiet, introverted person. I even clean hotel rooms before the maid gets there so she doesn’t think I’m a slob! What the hell is wrong with me???I try to not let what other people think about me bother me, but nothing works. I know this problem sounds really stupid, but if you had to live life thinking everyone was looking at you through a magnifying glass then you’d be stressed too. (Like I said, I know that nobody is doing this, at least as much as I think they are.)Please help! This has been going on my whole life (I'm 25) and I'm at my wits end. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bobbyjo  +, writes (2 December 2006):
 Honey, I feel for you I really do. But Im also glad to hear that someone else is going through exactly the same thing as me!!! When I read your problem it was like reading about myself. I constantly think about what other people think of me and it is beginning to ruin my life. When I walk down the street I think everyone is staring at me. I think my friends really think Im weird and I dont know why they like me. I think my exboyfriends really hate me and regret ever meeting me. I think the people that I work with really think Im stupid. My whole day consists of me fretting about what other people think. But then I stop and realise that none of it actually matters,, as long as Im happy why should I care about what anyone else thinks? I try to keep this thought in my head but, and I know you will agree, it is very, very hard to do this. My mum thinks I am paranoid and I know I have very low self-esteem. This may be what you have to.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2006): Everything you siad is the same as what I struggle with sometimes, just so you know, your not alone, I find that just rediverting my attention really helps, I try to do something stupid in front of people I don't know and then laugh it off, or say something to them funny to them to make them laugh or something, I find it helps for me.
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A
female
reader, XAsk-AmyX +, writes (28 November 2006):
 Dear annonymous reader,
I feel your pain since i was once and still am like that however i have learnt to conquer it. I know you have proberbly read these over and over again and still cant find an answer, however i can give u one ... Dont care. Just dont care! Who cares what 'they' think of you, you dont know them so why should you care what they think of your music choice, its YOUR music choice and its YOUR life, so live it YOUR way. People will always judge everyone, just like you will judge them back (and dont say you dont,most people do) its natural! You need to build relationships, get some more confidence, try organising girlie nights out with all your girls! or a night in with the bfend ... not got one? - a girlie night out on the pubs would be a good place to get one. It will help your self asteem and get you out of your shell! just go 4 it! live your life YOUR way!! By the way theres nothing wrong with you! because if theres something wrong with you then theres something wrong with all of us love! try to have convos with close mates and try and figure out how not to go all red in the face, you just need some practise! practise makes perfect!! okay well tell me how it all goes and remember ... its YOUR life, so live it YOUR way.
Love Amy - your personal agony aunt!
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (28 November 2006):
 I doubt you want sympathy but you have mine anyway. I feel for you, it must be really tough trying to cope with these feelings. It's hard to say whats really going on, perhaps very low self-esteem, or maybe some paranoia. Certainly you are very insecure, although why this has happened to you only you really know right now.
I suggest you go see a therapist or councillor. The sooner you go the better. They are trained to help you and will be able to work with you to find out what is really going on and set you on the path to overcoming it. You have nothing to lose by going, and very much to gain.
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