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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfiend of two years broke up with me, and I was devastated. I thought I wanted him back desperately, but have realised that what I miss most is the feeling that I kne where my life was going and was a success. He was on paper my perfect man - tall, good looking, from a wealthy family, a lawyer, funny, smart, a 'lads lad' but also classy. However, I dont know that I GENUINELY miss him too much as he was often moody, cold and not great to be around. Does this make me a terrible person? The thing i am most upset about is that there arent many men like that around, who tick all the boxes. I dont want to settle for some loser like so many of my friends. I am totally expecting to get a real lashing for this very honest post but I just want to know if anyone else has ever felt like this - is it just part of dealing with the breakup?
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female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (5 December 2006):
 Hi,
It is part of dealing with breaking up to reflect and see what went wrong and why there were problems, incompartibility issues and trends of what u saw in him. This is going to help reshape what u want in your ideal man and know that it isnt all about looks, social status or finances.
You have to go with your heart and realise that happiness and love should come first. It is shallow to consider all other attributes first.If u continually do that u arent going to be happy becos when u begin to look deeper like what u are doing now u will find out that is all there is.Dont get me wrong if the love is there and he has all the social status already then it is ok but that shouldnt be the overall reason.
I have a friend who married what u term a loser. She was absolutely in love with him.He works in a food shop at the time and she was still in school. He went back to school and got a more promising job.He totally adores her for standing by him and she was the backbone behind his sucess.
Go with your heart and also with someone who is serious, determined and hardworking towards his iife, love and career. You cant go wrong with this.
Goodluck.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (5 December 2006):
 No, admitting you have boxes you want ticked is not shallow. It's honest, and thats commendable.
However, my experience has been that love ignores checkboxes, and that sometimes the best relationship can come from where you least expect it to. So don't let your list get in the way of finding love if it sneaks up on you, as it probably will.
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A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (5 December 2006):
 No, its good that you analyse what you like and dislike about him after the break up. Firstly, it helps heal the wounds much quicker, and secondly, you're being brutally honest with yourself, which is the only way to better yourself.
Back on track, I dont think its shallow to want the things your ex was and provided. Its only human that we want the best for ourselves, to be able to live comfortably without having to settle for second best. But the catch is, there always is a downside to all that is good and a most dreading compromise has to be made. A choice has to made on whether to proceed wanting the material things everyone else craves for, or do you go with your heart to long for the feeling of 'butterflies' in your tummy whenever you meet that special someone. Its not impossible that you might meet that person who gives you both the physical and emotional satisfaction, but I still stand firm that noones perfect and you're bound to find something you dont find attractive about him. After all, we're only human. Dont be too hard on yourself, just know you're better off without him.
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