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male
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*antino
writes: My girlfriend told me the other night that her friend asked her to go to a house party. I automatically assumed that she would want me to go but when i said this to her she said that her friend had invited just her. I was a little hurt by this because i feel that if she really wanted to be with me she wouldve asked me to go regardless. Plus if i was invited to a party shed be the first person id ask to go. Im not happy about her going coz shes beautiful and i know there'll be guys there who are going see a girl without a man near her and theyre gonna try put the moves on her. Should i say that i dont want her to go??? Or should i just let her do her own thing and trust that she'll be faithful to me? Is trust earned or is it given?? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): Hey buddy,
It's don't look good unless it's a shower for a baby or a wedding. I have had my girl friend do this to me too. And it hurts a lot. The way your feeling is normal. Make her realize that if you can't go then your going start dating women that will want you. While your with her, she has to realize your part of her personal life, not a toy she can take off the shelf. If she can't have you with her when she is with her friends, and put you first then she is not the girl for you.
She will hurt you in the end. Be strong, women like it when your not a wussy bag. She will then only want you more because she has some thing she has to work for.Your realatioship is some thing you have to have some control in, if she has the rains all te time she will get bord with you.
Just don't be rude and yell at her, just be firm with her and tell her that you won't put up with her friends little parties where your not invited, and if they don't want you around, thrn you will not want your girl friend around them, And if she put's up a fuss tell her that while she is out to the party, that you may or may not be around when she comes home.That what I did with my last girl friend and she was in tears. I just dumped he in the end anyway. Now I got the great girl friend I could ever have, we both enjoy being with each other and we love to go dancing, and she dances with know one other then me. She has taught me what it means to have some one that cares, and love having you around, and she love's showing me off to her friends.
Good luck
Dave
If I were you I would find a girl that wants me around all the time, we all need to be wanted and what we don't need is someone tha can't love anything but them selves.
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (5 December 2006):
 (PS - when I dated guys before getting married, they would invite me to parties that they were going to, too. So it's not really just a formality for married couples to go to parties together only. Just thought I should add that.)
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (5 December 2006):
Hi Santino,
I agree with Yos. When my husband goes to a party, he always invites me along because it's that sort of a social get-together. But when he goes out to see his friends and stuff, then that's totally different and he goes by himself (and viceversa). Everyone needs to have their own friends, but it's weird that she would be so against you going along (as opposed to finding out if her friend would mind you being there).
I think there's something more to this than just not being invited. Again, like Yos suggested, I think you need to talk with your girl and find out what's going on. (Then again, maybe she is a really "proper" person and doesn't want to impose - although that seems highly unlikely if it's a house party...)
Take care.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (5 December 2006):
 To be clear, I wasn't advising not letting her go!
What I mean is that if she doesn't want you to go, she needs to be clear with you. And give you her real reason. That reason might just be that 'I feel like a night out with my friends without you'.
But since its a party, I'd be surprised at that. A night out with some of her girlfriends is one thing, a party is something else. And she should take your feelings into account too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2006): I have to disagree with the previous advice. I have been in a relationship for a long time. Sometimes girls just need to be with their friends, regardless of whether there are other guys there or not. You certainly can tell her of your concerns, but DO NOT tell her she can't go. This will come off as controlling and as if you don't trust her. Tell her how you feel and let her put your worries to rest. But, do not force her to bring you. It will only cause resentment. She is intitled to a night without you. Don't you ever want to go anywhere without her? That is the only way for a healthy relationship. Good lunck.
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A
male
reader, Yos +, writes (5 December 2006):
You should ask her to get you invited. In fact, since she is your girlfriend, any invitation for her to go to a party automatically applies to you too... in my book anyway. Unless its an all-girl party, which its not.
She should be prepared to get you invited too. If she's not, then she has a reason for wanting you not to be there. Then you should ask her what that reason is, and don't take 'oh nothing' as an answer.
Get to the bottom of it.
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