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female
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anonymous
writes: About a month ago, I was 'dumped' by my 1 year boyfriend. He has told his friends he has cheated on me twice, and his friends told me. I am absolutely appauled. Even so, I still feel something for him. He has not spoken to me since the break-up, and I have not been out publicly since. My confidence and self esteem have dropped drastically. The last thing he said to me was that 'he loved me'. He got his friend to dump me, and I do not understand what went wrong. We had, what I thought, was the prefect relationship. The only problem was that his freinds gave him grief, saying that he gave too much attention to me and not enough to them. I just want to know how to raise my self confidence and how to pluck up the courage to ask him what went wrong. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.
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cheated on me, confidence, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2006): Answer from the poster of question - Thank you everyone. Just reading the answers have made me a little more confident. I really do appreciate that you all spent time to anwer my question. Thank you.
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (24 November 2006):
 You're not going to get anything out of talking to him. He treated you terribly, which means he doesn't respect you. To not even break with you in person is totally unacceptable! Don't see his behaviour as a reflection on you, see him as the messed up person that he is and count yourself lucky for getting out. You deserve so much better.
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male
reader, cherub +, writes (23 November 2006):
 Hi
First of all I don't think he is worth the footprint on the ground you walk on. He is callous,a coward,a cheat,immature and a total prat. Asking him what went wrong will only allow him to lie,gloat and may lower your self esteem more. He hasn't the decency to tell you himself when he broke up with you and he is hardly likely to have the decency now to tell you he is a scum and it is all his fault.
You mentioned he said he loved you but action speaks louder than words.He could have explained to his friends(if they are really true friends they wouldn't have make demand on him)that he preferred your company but would also find some time to be with them but you are his priority.
For raising self confidence,you could tell yourself you got out early rather than wasting a few more years to find out about him. Secondly try finding his faults and remind yourself so that you can move on.Thirdly treat yourself to something nice,goes out with friends who appreciate you.Fourthly you could tell yourself everyday that you are worthy and has lots to offer and he had lost a wonderful person.There will be many more guys out there who you will click with and love to spend times doing exciting things,ordinary things together with you and treasure you.
Good luck.
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female
reader, Sally R. Cinnamon +, writes (23 November 2006):
 When I got dumped by someone I loved very much I wanted desperately to know why. After all, the relationship seemed perfect. And he was a really good guy. That was ten years ago. I never got the answer to my question, but I understand now that it didn't really matter. In fact, the guy who dumped me probably didn't really know himself why I wasn't right for him. There's nothing you did wrong, there's nothing specific to point to. It just wasn't right for him. Sometimes that's all there is to it. There's no deep explanation. People get dumped all the time, there is absolutely nothing wrong with YOU.
You say you want to do two things (1) raise your self-confidence and (2) ask him what went wrong. My advice would be to stick to the first. The relationship is over, this guy sounds like a total loser anyhow, and it doesn't matter a tiny bit why he left you. Why would you take any notice of his opinion anyhow? This guy cheated on you - so you have good enough evidence that the relationship wasn't right. Don't give him the opportunity to feel sorry for you, to make you feel worse, or to give you more evidence for his crapness. If you asked him, he would probably be forced to make something up to answer your question anyway.
The only important thing now is for you to get on your feet and start out in the world once more. Stop asking yourself why the past 'went wrong'. It's the wrong question. Ask yourself how you are going to open that door and get back out in public. Ask yourself why it is that so many men are so bastardly they can't dump a girl with respect. Ask yourself how you are going to make sure that the next guy you date is going to treat you better.
Perhaps the first thing you can do to improve your self-confidence is realise that this man isn't it, that you don't need him, that you are better without him, and that you don't even care why he dumped you... because you are going to move on from him. By throwing out your question, "Why did he dump me?" you will already be one step forward in reclaiming your confidence.
I wish you all the best.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2006): I really feel for you and if it's any consolation I think most us have been through something similar at some point.
The simple answer is: FORGET HIM AND MOVE ON. Easier said than done, I know, but you really musn't waste any more of your precious time or energy on someone clearly so immature and undeserving of you. The fact that he appeared to let his "mates" get to him so much says a lot about the spineless person he must be.
As for you, the fact that you want to start working on boosting your confidence is a really positive sign that you're over the worst and you're ready to start moving on. Get some mates together, get dressed up, go to the pub - or anywhere else you feel like going - with your head held high and have a great time. Not only will that alone be revenge enough on your ex (who probably loves to think you're still hidden away, pining over him), but it will lift your spirits, boost your confidence and, who knows, eventually lead to meeting the fabulous new boyfriend that you deserve (and he IS out there)!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, bex108 +, writes (23 November 2006):
i feel that when something has put me down a change of image lifts me back up, you should try having your hair done going shopping with your friends and getting some new clothes then go out with them. i dont think your ex is much of a man relly getting his friend to do it for you it obviously wasnt exactly what he wanted or he would of told you himself. he seems like the type of man who puts his friends first and to be honest you want someone who likes you both equally. you can do better than that if you ask me you lift your head up high and show him what he has lost.
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