My bf says he'll hurt himself if I ever left him. I like guy and now..I'm scared of what my bf will do to himself!!
Q. Help!!! I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months and he always aus that he loves me. he says that without me he would die. he says tha if he'd loose me he'd kill himself. I met this other guy at school and i like him and i know he likes me too a...
A. 28 September 2006: You cannot stay in a relationship for that reason. He is emotionally blackmailing you. What is more, he is showing that he likely has some kind of psychological problems.
He is also probably exaggerating.
Either way there is no future for yo... (read in full...)
Did my wife really stop in the middle of the act because she felt bad, or did she cheat ??
Q. did she cheat on me or not ?? me and my wife have been living together for 12 years, and have we have 2 kids. Our realationship has had its ups and downs over the years, but somehow we have made it work. About 6 months ago we had a huge fight,and...
A. 27 September 2006: A marriage councillor can only go so far. What you are doing is obsessing over what happened. This can easily get out of hand until you end up in a set of obsessive behaviour patterns that are very hard to break out of. This is what you are locked ... (read in full...)
Have I ruined things by sleeping with him early on in the relationship?
Q. Hi there, I am 25 and have just started seeing a guy (few years older) who I really like. We have been seeing each other for about a month now. The last weekend I stayed at his and we slept together for the first time. At first we tried not to ...
A. 27 September 2006: A month? By todays climate that's good going. The question you've asked is most commonly asked here after two people have jumped together within 4 drunken hours of knowing each other.
You should be fine, hopefully. Fingers crossed, as some men... (read in full...)
He doesnt know i exist
Q. hellooooo i was just wondering i really really really like this boy and i was wondering if you could help me ive liked him for months and i still havent talked to him :( becasue i think im very uncomftorbale being all "sexy" around boys i mean im ...
A. 27 September 2006: Don't worry about the sexy bit, just try to talk to him normally. Yes it's difficult, but if you remember that he'll be happy that a girl he doesn't know wants to talk to him, it should be a bit easier. Everyone likes the flattery of a bit of ... (read in full...)
What sort of confidence do women like in men?
Q. I heard somewhere that one of or the main thing women like about men is confidence. What sort of confidence? And i know I'm not talking about believing in yourself....
A. 27 September 2006: Confident but sympathetic. Strong yet gentle. Fierce when necessary, yet calm and compassionate. Physical yet intelligent. Youthful engergy yet wise. Moral and steadfast yet mischevious and a rule breaker.
Easy, right?
I think women can handle... (read in full...)
Can you be best friends with the person you have just broken up with?
Q. How can you be best friends straight after a break up which your g/f made? i don't want to feel bad by not being her friend, but it seems hard to see her as a friend..especially saying best friends staright after a break up, i don't get it...
A. 25 September 2006: You need to examine your motivations.
You say you want to remain friends with her because you don't want to feel bad. Here's the thing, you feel bad already because you two broke up. You feel bad now, because of her. Seeing her is just going to... (read in full...)
Torn between two brothers!!!
Q. dear agony aunt, I'm 15 years old and i have a problem that has been dragging on for months. There is this guy, he likes me very much, and i like him, but i'm not aloud to date until i am 16. He happily agreed to wait until i was 16 to date me, a...
A. 25 September 2006: Difficult situation.
Firstly, since you know you don't like the younger brother any more, you need to let him know. He's probably waiting until you two can date, it's not fair on him to keep him hanging on when you're not that into him any more... (read in full...)
We broke up, now he's depressed and I feel guilty!!!
Q. I finished with my lover because our relationship wasn't going anywhere. I was with him 2 years but i wanted more then what he could give me. Now he keeps txting me saying he cant sleep and that he is suffering from depression,i feel guilty and i do...
A. 25 September 2006: He's trying to get you back. The best thing you can do is to be 100% clear that you will not get back to him. As long as you give him any mixed messages he's going to go on thinking there is a chance. And as long as he thinks there might be a chance ... (read in full...)
I constantly look down on myself. Could it be because I think my father hates me?
Q. help! i think my father hates me. my father wasnt around my whole life so when i was about thirteen i decided to meet him. over the next few years iv seen him maybe 3 times. he dosnt call on my birthday christmas or ever. he loves his other children ...
A. 25 September 2006: Can I suggest a book that you might get a lot from? It is called 'Breaking the chain of low self-esteem' by Marilyn J. Sorensen. You are not alone in feeling the way you do, it is not-uncommon for those with your background to feel the way you do. ... (read in full...)
I led a very promiscuous past, now I do not enjoy sex with men I love. What can I do?
Q. when i was in my early teens i slept with lots of guys.i think i did this because i wanted to feel loved by a man and my father wasnt around. i think now that iv gotten over that point in my life it is affecting my relationships. i dont enjoy sex ...
A. 25 September 2006: You need to forgive yourself for your past behaviour, if you haven't already. It's good that you got over it, and you should give yourself a big pat on the back for doing so. Well done. Many people get well into their twenties and thirties before ... (read in full...)
How do I shut off my feelings???
Q. I am in a university position in the housing department. I advise the resident advisors (house moms, if you will) and i have fallen for one of our residents. He has also reciprocated feelings for me, and knows im not supposed to date him as per ...
A. 25 September 2006: My personal philosophy is that if two people are really good and right for each other, then everything else is secondary. Only you two know if this is the case, but if it is, then I'd not let some rules stand in the way.
I'm not suggesti... (read in full...)
Boyfriend of 1 month tells me he still lives with his ex. He says this is purely for financial reasons. What do I do?
Q. my boyfriend, of one month, came up at the weekend, and he told me that he still has to live with his ex, he said it is over, but she stills wants to be with him. he says they sleep in separate beds, and he is only still they because he cant afford ...
A. 25 September 2006: He's using money as an excuse. If he really wanted to move out he'd find a way.
In your situation I would tell him to explain to you clearly his plan and timeline for moving out. Perhaps he does have a few loose ends that need tidying up, but ... (read in full...)
Why do I keep getting pregnant to men I don't really love?
Q. I am 23 years old and have a 4 year old child. At the age of 17 I had an abortion and it was a really harrowing experience as I didn't tell anyone. Then earlier this year, I had another, but this time felt able to tell family and friends, although ...
A. 25 September 2006: The other two aunts are right. I'd suggest you go on the pill as soon as you can, and stay on it. This will prevent you getting pregnant, and prevent you getting into the messes you have been getting yourself into.
As for the men and relation... (read in full...)
My husband isnt happy that im pregnant as he said it will spoil long haul holidays! Will he come around as I really want this baby!!!
Q. I have found out I am pregnant. I am happy, just turned 39 and believed infertile. Suffer from PCOS, overweight and smoke, high blood pressure, so not alot going for me. Found out this weekend and am over the moon. But my partner of 2 years is ...
A. 19 September 2006: Sorry, but what an insensitive a$$. Will he change his mind? Who can say? But I hope so for your sake. You might want to start by telling him his behaviour is highly inappropriate and unpleasant. He needs to shape up, bigtime (and fast).
Congr... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a guy of 22 to act a bit of pervert in public ??
Q. This may sound like a really daft question!! I've had just one serious boyfriend and have only just got serious with him a few months ago. We went on a foreign holiday, but it felt like he is a real perve whilst away - constantly feeling my bum ...
A. 19 September 2006: Hmmm, not really no. He sounds a little immature. The fact that you asked him to stop and he didn't is not good at all... it shows disrespect towards you. I suggest you try to have a direct, open and honest conversation with him about this at a ... (read in full...)
We had sex in the middle of the night but my BF couldn't come! Is it me?
Q. My bf woke up in the middle of the night and wanted to have sex with me. After a long long time, he never came, so he stopped trying. I asked what's wrong, and he said it's because he woke up in the middle of the night, and some response of his ...
A. 19 September 2006: There is an unwritten assumption that, whilst women only come some of the time, men do all the time. Well, they don't, especially as they get older. There is really nothing to worry about if you have sex and your boyfriend doesn't always orgasm. If ... (read in full...)
Why is he getting sexual for, if he wasn't in the mood
Q. I am wondering is this normal? My b/f and I have a happy loving relationship. We are an older couple. He is quite highly sexed for a 56yr old, but has said he loves me to play with him, even if he does'nt 'come'. What do you think he means by th...
A. 19 September 2006: He could have issues ejaculating, or issues getting an erection, but still want to have sex with you. By saying this he is taking the emphasis off himself (and you) in this area... setting expectations that may or may not include intercourse to ... (read in full...)
Is female cheating really acceptable ??
Q. we all have grown to accept that most males cheat almost to the point of accepting and forgiving it all the time, when it happens. Is female cheating acceptable? When they cheat it almost definetly ends in breakups. They never get chances like males ...
A. 15 September 2006: I'm not saying we think that consciously. Rather I'm saying that we have deep biological behaviour that nudges us in different directions. Out of it come a multitude of different behaviours, feelings, emotions and thoughts.
Everything you say ... (read in full...)
Is female cheating really acceptable ??
Q. we all have grown to accept that most males cheat almost to the point of accepting and forgiving it all the time, when it happens. Is female cheating acceptable? When they cheat it almost definetly ends in breakups. They never get chances like males ...
A. 15 September 2006: Wendy, I personally don't think it is to do with women being more forgiving.
Many studies have been done into this. They consistently show that...
- Men struggle with sexual infidelity most of all
- Women struggle with emotional infidelity... (read in full...)
Is female cheating really acceptable ??
Q. we all have grown to accept that most males cheat almost to the point of accepting and forgiving it all the time, when it happens. Is female cheating acceptable? When they cheat it almost definetly ends in breakups. They never get chances like males ...
A. 15 September 2006: You're wrong on every count.
Its not acceptable for men to cheat.
It's not acceptable for women to cheat.
Women get as many chances to cheat as men, probably more since some men will sleep with any woman that offers herself to them, whilst ... (read in full...)
My sexual past bothered him so much that he broke up with me!
Q. I dated the love of my life for 2 years. In the beginning of our relationship, he asked me detailed questions about my sexual past. Me, being naive, answered them not wanting to hide anything or seem like I was lying. He never seemed to have a ...
A. 15 September 2006: I mailed this to you but I thought I should share it here also...
I feel for you. I know firsthand how destructive it can be. Jealousy can make people say and do horrible things.
I have been in a similar situation. I still struggle, althou... (read in full...)
He has e-mails from other girls and says its the past but the date is recent...
Q. hi i been with my boyfriend for a year now i met him in a different provence so i dont know any of his friends one night he left his bag at my house and i found a love email letter in it dating back just a few days before so i was up set when i ...
A. 15 September 2006: Read the two responses below this one. They are right unfortunately. ... (read in full...)
I'm thinking of a Brazilian wax will my boyfriend like this???
Q. I am considering getting a brazilian wax. Is this a good idea? Will my bf like this? I would like to get some guy opinions on the subject please?...
A. 15 September 2006: He'll probably like it, although not all men do. You might want to ask him first.
If he does, you might want to consider letting him give you a trim instead of going to a salon. It can be a big turn on for both of you and the trust you'll have to ... (read in full...)
If porn is desensitizing to men is the flip side, true? My gf prefers her vibrator to me!
Q. Dear Malyce (agony aunt) and yes it is a nice name I have read some of your objections to men "jerking off to porn". It can be desentisizing, as you say. Tell me if the flip-side is true. Since my partner got herself a wand vibrator and ano...
A. 15 September 2006: I'll add that a good intermediate step might be for you to be the one using her vibrator on her. Get her to tell you how she likes it. ... (read in full...)
If porn is desensitizing to men is the flip side, true? My gf prefers her vibrator to me!
Q. Dear Malyce (agony aunt) and yes it is a nice name I have read some of your objections to men "jerking off to porn". It can be desentisizing, as you say. Tell me if the flip-side is true. Since my partner got herself a wand vibrator and ano...
A. 15 September 2006: Woah, I'd not take the advice below too literally.
Women thrive on emotional connection, and a plastic object with a battery may hit the spot physically but it can't hold her close and whisper 'I love you' in her ear. Focus on your communic... (read in full...)
How do I stop a leaky penis..it's a bit embarrassing! Any tips?
Q. Hi, I have 2 questions both about my sex organ, yes, the male penis :O Im 19 and so is my girlfriend, im a virgin, though shes not. The first problem is i get a little wet down below when we have a little fun, im not prematurley ejaculatig, j...
A. 15 September 2006: Both things you describe are very normal and common.
The first is something you can't do anything about, but it's no problem, don't worry about it. Just be careful contraception-wise because it is semen and it can get your girlfriend pregnant... (read in full...)
My gf wants to find my male G-spot by stimulating my prostate through my butt!! Is this safe??
Q. Hi Guys My girlfriend says I am missing out. She insists there is such a thing as a male G-spot and is intent on finding it. The problem is, she says it involves stimulating my prostate via my bot! Help!!! Does anyone recommend this pra...
A. 15 September 2006: Yes it works. It's a little tricky to get right. Try it, you might find you really like it. I suggest you get on google and look up some guides, you'll find plenty of information on how to do it.
The fingernail advice below is well worth listenin... (read in full...)
Why do married men look at porn? A man's perspective, please.
Q. Why do married men look at porn? I have an agreement with my husband (of 9 years)that strip clubs, magazines, movies and surfing the net is fine...but i found a subscription to a web site that featured one girl. I found this to be pushing it. ...
A. 14 September 2006: Martini you make some good points.
The hypocracy of society on this issue is mindblowing.
For example, here is a recent photoshot from a well known WOMANS magazine that is in my opinion more offensive than the majority of porn...
http... (read in full...)
Could this part of Oral Sex cause me any harm ?
Q. When I give my gf oral and she is sitting on my face she cums what seems like pints which I happily drink. Is this urine or femail Cum? And can it cause me any harm?...
A. 13 September 2006: You'd know if it was urine. The smell would be very familiar and it would taste nasty.
Some women do get very wet, sounds like your girlfriend is one of them. Whatever you are doing sounds like it is working, so I'd suggest keeping on doing it... (read in full...)
Do boys like tall and slim or small and curvy girls???
Q. hi im 15 and ALL my mates are really thin and im jelous of them! i am thin too but i also have a lot of curves. my mates dont have many curves and i want my body to be like theres. i'm slim and curvy and quite small :( but they are slim and tall! ...
A. 13 September 2006: My preference is small and curvy :) Although for me it is more about the shape someone makes in the World, their aura if you like, that makes me attracted to them.
... (read in full...)
How do I tell my bf...that he has real bad body odor?
Q. I'm in love with a guy who has bad b.o. and I don't know how to tell him. He smokes alot of pot so I think he doesn't remember to put deorderant on. Do you think I should bring it up to him? If so how? ...
A. 13 September 2006: Tell him clearly, but nicely. You don't need to be unpleasant, and say stuff like 'you stink'. Just say something like "When you forget to shower and use deodorant you end up smelling unpleasant. Which is not nice. Could you try to remember to keep ... (read in full...)
Should I be nosey about his past marriage or I should just leave it? I'm very curious though!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year. I'm 23 and he is 25. He has a history which I want to know but don't know if it's appropriate to ask. He had a kid when he was 18. He end up marrying the girl after the child was borned. I wanted to ...
A. 13 September 2006: Be careful. Whilst your curiosity is very natural, you may find that hearing him describe intimate moments between him and his ex is a very painful thing to hear. Lots of people end up on this site (including myself) because we found out too much ... (read in full...)
Why does this guy get up and leave ?
Q. This is not a big problem compared to some of the other things that I read on this site but here is my problem. There is a guy in my circle of friends who seems nice, I do not know him really well but everytime I come into the room or sit down with ...
A. 13 September 2006: Are you sure this isn't just a coincidence? It's easy to imagine that he is trying to avoid you when actually he was just getting up to go, and it had nothing to do with you.
If this has only happened a couple of times then you should consider... (read in full...)
Stay with true love or gain experience ??
Q. Was just wondering what you all thought about being with your first true love forever. I know it's rare, but say you were faced with this situation. You've been with them a long time. You love them, the relationship is incredible, and they're your...
A. 13 September 2006: Stay with the person you love. If you truly love them. The experience of being in a loving relationship is a hundred times more valuable and special than any number of less sincere casual relationships.
I don't think its important to experien... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can do to help get my girlfriends sex drive back ?
Q. dear cupid , wondering if you could help me , me and my girlfriend have been together about a year and a half now she is 18 and i am 22, lately well for a fair while we ahve not had sex as much as both wanted too mainly to her not being able to ge...
A. 13 September 2006: Unlike men, most women thrive on connectedness and emotional intimacy. If you don't have that then her desire for sex with you will suffer. You need to make her feel loved, safe, secure, trusted and sexy. If you can do all those things then she'll ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is pressuring me into getting his name tattooed on me!
Q. my boyfriend of 4 years is pressurising me a lot to get his name tattooed on my breasts or butts. he insists that this is a definite way of expressing my love for him. i am not sure of social and/or clinical affects of this. i love him deeply ...
A. 13 September 2006: No way no way no way. That's like a farmer branding one of his cows. It's disrespectful in the extreme, treating you like property. He may as well put a leash on you and lead you around like his dog! Under no circumstances should you let him ... (read in full...)
I left out part of my sexual past, now he is angry...
Q. I have been married for almost twenty years to a wonderful man. We have two children. Before we were married we discussed our sexual past, telling each other we were completely honest. Well, I wasn't. I left out one person who I'd slept with twice. ...
A. 13 September 2006: "Did I really love and want him or was he simply the next person in line?"
This comment is telling. The anger and other emotions directed at you are a distraction, a diversion. The real issue is your husbands insecurity. His own sense of self wor... (read in full...)
How can I prove to her that I wont leave her, shes so jealous and insecure!!
Q. I have been engaged for a few months now and my fiancee's jealousy is becoming worse. I have never given her any reason to be suspicious of me, although I do speak to female friends on MSN. She knew my password and would sometimes go on my account ...
A. 13 September 2006: It has nothing to do with you. She is struggling because of her own fears and doubts. All you can do is be loving and supportive. She needs to find her own way out of her prison.
She might get a lot out of a book called 'Breaking the chain of... (read in full...)
I left out part of my sexual past, now he is angry...
Q. I have been married for almost twenty years to a wonderful man. We have two children. Before we were married we discussed our sexual past, telling each other we were completely honest. Well, I wasn't. I left out one person who I'd slept with twice. ...
A. 13 September 2006: Whilst I respect Irish a great deal and understand her answer, I respecfully disagree.
Men in a comitted relationship hold great stock of their wifes sexual past. It's not a helpful thing (especially in this day and age), but it exists. Probably... (read in full...)
Why are guys afraid to date virgins???
Q. Why are guys afraid to date virgins? What's your view on this?...
A. 13 September 2006: There are many reasons why guys like to date virgins ('date' really is the wrong word btw). Men generally like to date sexually experienced women but marry virgins. But there are a few reasons why men don't want to 'date' a virgin...
- To have sex... (read in full...)
How can we tell her parents the "right way" that she is pregnant???
Q. Hi.. my gf is now 6 weeks pregnant, her parents didnt even know i exist... we already want to tell them the situation to ease our burden and Im willing to accept the responsibility... Our problem is.... How to tell her parents? I mean the right ...
A. 13 September 2006: I suggest you go visit them and tell them the whole story. Let them know who you are and how you feel about their daughter. It sounds like you love her and are happy about what's happening (which is wonderful!), so just let them share.
All t... (read in full...)
Why do married men look at porn? A man's perspective, please.
Q. Why do married men look at porn? I have an agreement with my husband (of 9 years)that strip clubs, magazines, movies and surfing the net is fine...but i found a subscription to a web site that featured one girl. I found this to be pushing it. ...
A. 30 August 2006: The division between him looking at porn from one specific girl, and porn in general, is artificial. It exists in your mind as a big difference, but I suspect very few other people see it as significant. It sounds like your husband doesn't, or if he ... (read in full...)
Why do married men look at porn? A man's perspective, please.
Q. Why do married men look at porn? I have an agreement with my husband (of 9 years)that strip clubs, magazines, movies and surfing the net is fine...but i found a subscription to a web site that featured one girl. I found this to be pushing it. ...
A. 29 August 2006: I very much agree with Pete's points here, and don't agree with the first response.
I find it interesting that men will argue with lines like 'this is a condition of our species' when pornography is a new invention. At least accessible pornogra... (read in full...)
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