A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:what makes it ok for some guys to think they can just touch girls and when the girl stands up to him she gets called a name. is that right? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): Don't worry Fatherly Advice, I only have anger towards men who can't keep their hands to themselves, and luckily there are many many honest and good guys in the world. I've been called a slut and a whore for not wanting to sleep with a guy see, he claimed I had wanted sex with the way I was dressed (which was by the way jeans and a long tube top, nothing really revealing). And he pulled me by force into his bedroom where I started screaming and then the name calling came and then I called a friend who picked me up, so I got away, but it was an awful experience. Just imagine the same happening to you and Im sure you'll understand. That however is the only time that happened to me and Im glad in a way that at least my community has more well behaved men than in some others (men in the community of the original poster).
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (20 January 2010):
 Well, I guess I can't fault you for being at church. Sounds like this guy has some trouble accepting boundaries. I would definitely not be alone with him and you should talk to an adult or authority about both incidents.
To the anonymous woman:
It is truly a shame that the world is not at that stage yet. I don't believe it will happen in your lifetime. You seem to have a lot of anger towards men. Hope you can work that out.
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlol um damn thas alot of answerz thanxs. but i was not dressed inappropriately i was actually in church minding my business talkin to a friend n he tried n i pushed him n he fell quite hard he tried before like last year n i punched him. but i went to a party with this guy where i was dancing do u think thas y he thinks its ok?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): Fatherly Advice, I don't get what you mean by wet or choices. And The Dude: wouldn't it be exactly what we want to be able to do though? Walk down the back alley with pockets full of money and be safe??? Thats exactly what women fight for. The day a woman, no matter her clothes, can walk down a back alley in the middle of the night without being raped, thats something to aim for. And we will never get there as long as there are people out there thinking "well she wore such a short skirt, she had it coming". No she didn't have it coming. Men need to stop acting like breain dead idiots without control over their bodies. Keep your fingers to yourself and if thats too difficult then stay at home. Women should definitely NOT be the ones forced to stay at home because we dont want to be harassed. I think that's a fair thing to ask.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (19 January 2010):
I need to step back in and answer the original question because the answer is only here once. There are plenty of excuses and blaming. Here is the answer.
It is not OK for a guy to touch a girl in a sexual way when she is not inviting him too. What that is, is sexual assault, a more serious form of sexual harassment. Name calling is verbal abuse and could be termed sexual assault depending on the words and the situation.
So in short, no, it is not right, you have been abused. It is not your fault. It is the fault of the lowlife who victimized you. If your friends seem to think that this behavior is OK, then you need to get away from them. If you are hanging out at places where the management lets this kind of thing happen, then you need to find better places.
I don't think I can be more clear.
FA
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (19 January 2010):
To the Anon Female who replied to the anon male re the clothing issue. By the way this has nothing to do with the original question. People have the right to make many choices including the clothes we wear or don't wear. What we don't have the right to do is to chose the logical consequences of our actions. I'm free to run off the dock into the lake. I'm not free to stay dry. Now I know you don't think that is fair, but it is inescapably true. Having explained that I have three modern proverbs for the original poster.
- If you hang out the meat you will attract dogs.
- You won't meet bakers at nightclubs.
- If you sleep with dogs, you'll get fleas.
You need to find a better class of guy. There is a good chance you need to change some of your behaviors in order to do that.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): To the anon (I guess male) who wrote "what sort of clothing were you wearing? was it skimpy or fairly modest?" Women have the right to wear WHATEVER they please without being harassed and felt up by sleazeballs. Whatever she wants to wear she should be wearing WITHOUT anyone feeling they have a right to touch her. I know society isn't there yet, but using her clothing as an excuse will not help change society for the better. If any of your guy friends use a woman's clothing as an excuse for anything, I sincerely hope you have the dignity to stand up for her on the behalf of all women.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): Some guys think they can get away with anything, but when a girl fights back they get all nervous and blame the girl. Keep being strong, keep fighting back!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): some guys are just pigs. i have a question though. if this happened to you...what sort of clothing were you wearing? was it skimpy or fairly modest? i like to think of myself as a fairly respectable guy and i never touch people in any way that would make them uncomfortable. however, every man gets excited when he sees more of a girls skin than normally. and if hes got alcohol in his system he might do something stupid.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): Its not ok for some guys to think they can touch girls when theyve not been invited to. Nor is it right that they call girls names when they object to being touched. Guys like that are creepy. Dont take any notice of the name calling. We have all been there with the `wandering hand` type at some point. Dont let him bug you x
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A
female
reader, nickys83  +, writes (19 January 2010):
guys can be jerks, i think its all about self conscoiusness, with girls its all about weight issues and facial features, with guys its all about being mean to cover up there insecuritys, the best thing to do is ignore em and they will go away eventually, show em that you dont care what they do or say and they will be wanting your attention every minute, but just ignore them totally, i know you may think its hard, cus i know ive been there i know it can be hard, but dont worry, YOU CAN DO IT. go for it girl show em what your made of.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 January 2010):
Because some guys aren't any good at taking rejection, so they take it out on the girl. Keep sticking up for yourself. Be proud.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (19 January 2010):
 Because a lot of guys are bozo's!!! yep it's that simple
:-) xxx
AE
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