A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, i have been seeing this guy for about three months now and its been great up until i met his children last week...well let me make it clear first that i am bi and a guy...so when i met them everything was good at first and a few minutes later my boyfriend pulls me to the side and tells me not to act "girly" because the kids might think that im weird and go off telling his family; who happens to not know that he is bi. well as you might guess i tried not to act "girly" and eventually his children tell me that i am weird and so of course you know they told their father, then his daughter tells me that im a serial killer (which i found kind of funny at first) and my boyfriend defends me telling her that it was rude, but i felt hurt a while after and decided not to talk much. The next day he calls me and says that he just wanted to make sure that i was doing good, because i told him that night that i wasnt feeling well and then i apologized for my behavior and told him that i tried to be as nice as possible and he said that its ok and not to worry, but then i asked him what did his kids think of me and he didnt answer, he just said "my son is here watching T.V. with me so yeah" so then i got online a few minutes after the phone call and i apologized again and asked if everything was ok and whether he was upset and he said it again, "dont worry, and relax, enjoy the ride" so i did and i decided to ask when we would see each other again and he didnt answer so i assumed he went to sleep, so the next day i sent him another message and said that i needed to speak to him and that night he responded to it saying he would call...and he didnt(by the way he still didnt answer the one about seeing each other again), im trying not to think to much of it but i really care about him and i dont want to break up with him, any advice as to what i should do? do you guys think he's just busy or is he going to leave me?...or am i just overreacting? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (17 January 2010):
 Give him time to process all the variables. He has a lot to consider. You didn't mention how old his children are.
You may have to accept the fact that he will have to keep the two relationships separate and not include you in his childrens lives, at least for the time being!
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (17 January 2010):
 I think he is realising that having a relationship with you is going to be very difficult if he is going to stay close to his kids.
You need to realise that family comes first and he has much more to consider than you do.
Back off a little and try to work out in your own mind what you would consider reasonable contact with your gay lover if you had kids!! Unless he is going to come out to his family (which I sense he isn't ready for)then things will remain akward and unstable. You either stick it out with him and be understanding and patient or you move on to someone who is completely open and available.
AE x
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