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I'm 13 and might be pregnant and afraid to tell my family

Tagged as: Pregnancy<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 January 2010) 9 Answers - (Newest, 12 January 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, *mw_ItzMe writes:

ok i am 13 and i might be pregnant. i am stuck in a horrible situation. my parents just got in devorce and three or four days ago i movfed eight hours away from my mom and boyfriend. we used protected ex but the condom broke. he is 16 and loves kids. he has wanted one for as long as we have been dating(6 monthes) and is more than willing to help. he is getting a job to support but what about my parents? i want to keep it, but i cant tell my dad first. im so scared. and i feel like a disgrace to my family. i made a mistake.

View related questions: be pregnant, condom, might be pregnant

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010):

Okay, first be absolutely be sure that you are pregnant. if you are YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR FAMILY!!! Believe me (no i am not speaking from personal experience) you and ur sixteen year old bf are not going to be able to support a child by yourselves. u are going to need lots of help. im sorry but it is the truth. if u want ur baby to grow up healthy and happy u need the help friends and family.

Good Luck and Best Wishes.

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A female reader, Ravenxx91 United Kingdom +, writes (7 January 2010):

Ravenxx91 agony auntfirst of all stop panicking and talking about supporting a child and telling your parents about it before you know it even exists. So hold off on freaking out, it wont get you anywhere. Take a pregnancy test in four or so weeks if your period doesnt start.

btw high five to AuntyEm!!! --Perfect factual statement there!

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A female reader, Sugarbuns Australia +, writes (5 January 2010):

Sugarbuns agony auntWell the first thing you do is have a pregnancy test. You may be worrying for nothing. So one step at a time. If you aren't then you can relax and learn from this scare -- no more unprotected sex. If you are, then I suggest you tell your mother first, she can soften the blow by preparing your Dad for the news. Then there will be much to think about and consider. You are really too young to have kids right now.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010):

Older guys always sleep with underage chicks don't you watch MTV teenage's mom? Just make sure no one calls the cops, if doctors ask where's the dad just say he's out of the picture.

Simple fact is you need to tell your parents, they are the only ones that can help you. Yes, you made a mistake and you should think about this scary moment for the rest of your life. Hopefully your not preagnant and this is just a scare. Keep us posted.

Remember that if your not ready to take care of kid your not ready for sex and you are just a kid. Good luck.

AMTZ.

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A female reader, AuntyEm United Kingdom +, writes (4 January 2010):

AuntyEm agony auntCan I please add as a point of fact that a 13 year old female body CAN supply enough nutrition to a growing fetus and can sustain a pregnancy to maturity as long as the pregnant female is fit and healthy and has a reasonable body weight.

Factors such as smoking, drinking, drug taking and poor nutrition can all have adverse effects on a pregnancy NOT the actual age of the mother unless she is over 35 where the risks of illness or disorders begin to rise.

AE

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A female reader, Angzw Zimbabwe +, writes (4 January 2010):

Firstly, you need to find out if you are actually pregnant. You can go to a drugstore and buy a test kit. If you turn out to be pregnant then phone 1-800 999 9999 for advice. Your boyfriend could go to jail because he had sex with an underage girl. So don't think he will be able to rescue you from your family to take care of your baby. But phone this number they help young pregnant girls like you sort through their feelings and teen pregnancy issues etc.

On another note, condoms do break for many reasons, but what makes it more likely is when the guy is putting it on, he forgets to hold the tip to keep the air out of that tip at the end. A guy has to hold the tip before rolling it onto his pp.

I really feel for you in your situation but don't give up. This problem can be solved quite easily once you talk to an adult. The 1800 counselor will also give you advice on how to tell your parents. Because ultimately you can't keep this from them for long. Just act quickly with getting the test because each day that passes will make things worse. Call for help.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010):

Not old enough to have a baby... Your body has barely started getting ready for it and you are piling on a baby. Its not good for the baby to be born to an immature mom - not enough nutrition for one thing.

You need to talk to your parents. And to a doctor. I can't imagine any 13-year-old CHOOSING to have a baby.

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A female reader, Country Woman United Kingdom +, writes (4 January 2010):

Country Woman agony auntFirst things first, you need to confirm whether you are definitely pregnant or not, you could we worrying when you may not be pregnant.

What signs are there right now that you think you might be pregnant with?

You need to get some sort of home pregnancy kit to confirm this or go to a local clinic or your doctor, it is confidential in most cases but as you are under age they may need to consult an adult.

If you are pregnant it is not something you can go through on your own and caringGuy is right you are going to have to involve your parents in all of this. You are not the first and you certainly won't be the last to fall pregnant, if you are that is.

Your mum will want to be involved no matter what, she is a mum at the end of the day and she knows what you are going through. It is scary no matter what age you are.

I planned for my daughter and had been with my partner for 15 years before we decided to try for a baby and the reality of 2 confirmed home kits and even the doctor confirming it didn't seem to make it real. You all go into a state of shock.

Don't start planning out your life just yet, your bf may be happy but he will be questioned about this and your parents must have realised that you were going out with someone who was older than you and the risks involved with that. You tried with the condom so it wasn't as if you were trying to get pregnant, it happens and that is life.

Talk to someone close to you whether it is a friend or another relative but definitely talk to your mum first of all if you can. If you have a teacher that you get on well with then maybe they could help as well. I think your mum could feel hurt if you confide in someone else before her though, it really does depend on how well you get on with her.

Can I ask why you are not living with your mum anymore? Did you mean your mum's bf or yours btw?

I know it is hard but you have to be rational in all of this and if it is confirmed that you are pregnant then your mum may want to take care of you through this so bear that in mind to OK.

Your dad will always view you as his little girl and will not want to think of you as being grown up and having a child of your own, that is just natural and he may even blame your mum that this has happened i.e. not having you under control enough but things like that can happen when parents divorce so it is not something you should start blaming yourself for OK. Just wanted to give you the heads up just in case.

Get yourself checked out first of all and take it one day at a time OK. You cannot do anything else right now but you definitely need support if you plan to keep this baby if you are 100% pregnant OK.

Here any time to chat.

Keep us posted OK.

BFN

Country Woman

x

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (4 January 2010):

Your boyfriend might be more than willing to help, but he broke the law and is more likely to be in serious trouble with the police. I'm sure you're scared, but you need to tell your parents now, because if you don't you'll be putting your health and baby in danger. You're not a disgrace, you've just made a mistake. It's okay, you won't be the first or the last. But you must tell someone because you need to protect your health and baby if you are pregnant. If you can, have a friend with you so you have support. Please tell someone.

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