A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:well, i have been in a relationship for 1 and a half year. day after day seems like he doesn't want me anymore. i have to force myself on him. i beg for attention. this morning i knew he starts work early so i rung him so many times but his phone was off, when i finally got through to him he said he ring me back 2 sec. after less than 30secs i rung him back, and he started shouting at me asking me if there's a fire. and blablabla. so well i was thinking he didnt even say good morning, and i could tell he was still driving. anyway i feel he takes me for granted. he can't see me. there's no romance anymore between us. I really love him, but i want to get less attach to him. The other day he also said i intrude into his life, its a nightmare. I need to stop putting him first and just do my own things and make myself happy. I really don't want to leave him now, and i am not even thinking about this. It's not an option for me at the moment. I just want to know what do i do to stop being so attach to him. Everytime i have to hold him and it's like i need his affection. And it's not very right. I should let go a lil bit of him.I was like this even with my ex bf, He also used to say am sticky and he couldnt take it.I think i got big issues...
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female
reader, tjazzy  +, writes (18 December 2009):
"I need to stop putting him first and just do my own things and make myself happy." You own words. Please take your own advice. Look for stuff you can do by yourself with your free time and don't call him anymore, wait for him to call you from now on. There's hope for you.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (18 December 2009):
 Yep I would say you definitely have issues with this!!!
Imagine if the tables were turned and it were your boyfriend calling you for every little thing, imagine if it were him who got upset just because you didn't say 'goodmorning' when you were trying to drive in your car!!!...would be pretty darn annoying wouldn't it??
Imagine if he wanted to know what you were doing every moment of the day and you couldn't make a move because he felt so upset and insecure all the time...and imagine if he blamed it all on you and said you were taking advantage of him???
You did this to your previous boyfriend so a pattern of clingy behaviour is emerging...it's even driving you crazy isn't it?
You need to establish why you are so insecure, perhaps something from childhood has made you so. You need to find someone neutral, like a friend or a teacher or even a counsellor who will just listen so you can get it all out and try to make sense of why you behave like this and how to stop it.
You also need to do this away from your boyfriend as the process of dealing with insecurity can become like an emotional weapon if you involve him too soon in the process.
The thing about relationships, to make them work happily, you need calm order and honesty. Your boyfriend will apreciate you getting some help for your issues, especially if you become a calmer person who is more able to control their emotions. It will make him feel more secure knowing he is with a rational together person rather than an out of control clingy emotional drain.
Talk out your worries!!
AE x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2009): Seems like you have some serious personal issues and by being so insecure and clinging to the person you are driving them away. I seriously suggest that you find something to pre occupy yourself with, watch movies, read a book and focus on other aspects of life as this is not healthy. There is more to life than everything revolves around a man. Leave your BF alone, and if he loves you he will do the chasing and not the other way round.
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