A
female
age
,
*exyLady
writes:Hi. I've been kind of seeing this really wonderful/fine/sexy guy on and off for about 1-1 1/2 yrs now but he doesn't want to committ to a monogamous/exclusive relationship with me at this time. When I bring up the "relationship" topic he claims that we will discuss it but he's not ready to talk about it. Yet, he says that I'm perfect for him and that he's, "not ready to give up on me just yet". As you can see, I'm getting mixed signals from him. Sometimes when I'm with him, we would let me speak to some of his buddies on the phone. I guess so that he will know whether or not that he has their approval. Needlesstosay, I pass the test with flying colors everytime...lol. His friends seem to like me. We've made love countless amount of times. I've fallen in love with this man. After I managed to get up enough nerves, I finally confessed to him that I love him. Later, he would confess that he loves me too, but it seemed somewhat questionable to me. To be honest, the thought did cross my mind that maybe he was only telling me that he loves me because I said it to him numerous amounts of time early on. Keep in mind that the whole time that we've been getting together in that 1-1 1/2 yrs period that he's only said, "I Love You", at least 2 or 3 times. When I ask him to tell me that he loves me, he then becomes defensive and says that, "You already know how I feel about you...I don't have to keep telling you". It truly hurts me to know that I can be so open and honest and let down my guard while exposing my true feelings of love to him but he's not willing to do the same for me. I'm trying to show him that I don't want to play any immature games and that I'm real with him. He doesn't want to put a label on us because he says, "it might mess things up". He's told me that he's not seeing anyone else right now. I do find comfort in knowing that. Also, his job has relocated him down south indefinately which of course is hundreds of miles away from where live. I told him that I would consider moving with him but only if there would be a definite committed relationship. In the beginning, I would be the one to always call him and then he'd began calling me sporadically. He never initiates returning my call either. When I confronted him about it, he claims that he's not doing it on purpose but he's just been busy. I think he's just being dishonest with me. It's been almost 4 weeks since I last heard from him which was when he last called. We've had no contact with each other (meaning no phone calls, no voicemail messages, no emails, no text msgs). I miss him soooooooooo much. I'm hoping that he's missing me MORE than I'm missing him right now. Plus, I want him and I don't want any other woman to have him. Questions: a)Should I call him now or should I refrain from calling? b)How can I get him to committ to an exclusive relationship with me? Why hasn't he called me? Please help me figure this thing out. Your comments/advice are greatly appreciated. Thanks a bunch.
View related questions:
immature, period, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SexyLady +, writes (29 January 2010):
SexyLady is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for your comments. I appreciate each of them. Yes, I am deeply hurt by this man...I trusted him...our chemistry is fantastic...so I thought. I thought for sure that he would be mature, open-minded, and honest enough to tell me why he's pulled away from me. You know, make ME accountable if I'm doing something wrong. I will concentrate more on my happiness and do things that will help get my mind off of him whom I truly love as well as learn from my mistakes. I will not judge all men the same because that wouldn't be fair. I know my self-worth. In all sincerity and humbleness, I know that any man would be blessed to have me. I'm nowhere near perfect but I am a very good package. I'm a PHENOMENAL lady who has made some bad judgement calls in relationships...but STILL I RISE!
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (19 January 2010):
 He doesn't want to commit and you can't make him. You were probably being kept 'in the net' for his amusement until he met someone who he really wants to be with. This happens a lot for both men and women (and yes it's really sh***y) so it's time to face facts.
Painful...yes, but it's time to let go.
Aunty Em xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): Here are some words from a "love" coach:
I define a "dozer" as a man who does some or ALL of the following:
1. Play games
2. Dumps you via text message
3. Says he'll call and doesn't
4. Make you feel unloved and unworthy by his words/actions
5. Can't make up his mind about you
6. Can't keep his word
7. Consistently cancels on you last minute
8. Uses you as his booty call girl
9. Full of baggages - ex wife, ex girlfriend, ex drunk, ex addict,ex porn star etc.
10. Strings you along
11. Trashes you and you're still trying to get him back
12. Womanizer
13. Does not have a great relationship with his mother
14. Hasn't had successful relationships with women
15. Treats women bad to make himself feel good
16. Tells you he's going to marry you but you're still waitingafter a few years
17. Says he's in a relationship but spends all of his time with hisguy friends and very little with you
18. Insist on you moving in as a "trial" without proposing first
19. Mislead you into wanting commitment so that he can enjoy thesexual benefits
20. Will not marry you after 1 plus years of consistent datiing.
I LOVE men. Love em' But here's something you need to know about you and your relationship with men before you jump off a cliff. You need to STOP and listen to me for a minute. Steady your thoughts and take this like a REAL woman.
If you have EVER heard these words from a man:
"I love you but I'm not in love with you"
"I've been real busy at work"
"It's not you, it's me"
"I don't think we'll make a match"
"We're just not right for each other"
"I think we should be friends"
"I need space"
"I'm just not ready"
Any of the above sentences from a man or some I may not have thought of has NOTHING to do with your WORTH. Stop attaching what a man says or how a man feels to who you really are. Stop thinking that because a man may not be interested, losing interest or may not feel the same way that it has something to with the "idea" that you're not good enough. Get over that and get into REALITY thinking. When you are ready to deal with reality, you will see that WHO you are has nothing to do with how a man really feels. If he rejects you, that does not mean that you're unworthy, unloved, unwanted, and not beautiful inside and out. Get past this stinking toxic thinking right now before you end up lonely and bitter. If you stay there, you will not allow an amazing man into your life or the man you're currently with will not give you a long-term commitment. All you will do is wallow in being "defined" by what men and other people think about you. This is a difficult thing for a lot of women. I've been one of those women who believed that when a man didn't WANT me, it meant I was not special, beautiful, worthy, or loveable.
BS! That's with a capital "B" I grew on the inside and came to my own TRUTH. That is - I am not worthy because a man loves or cares for me. I am worthy in spite of how a man might feel. So get with this truth right now. I get too many emails from women who put up with BS thinking. They think so demure of themselves. The fact is: You cannot build an amazing relationship from toxic level thinking. It will not work. Now if you are with a man or have eyes for a man and it's not going the way you'd like, you may be thinking of trying to push it in to the direction YOU want it to go. If you're working like a horse to make it happen, it is because you are trying to make the relationship define you. You haven't defined who you are and what you want. Get off the horse and get with the truth. Work on your own personal definition - your own personal truth.
If a man is a dozer, give him a break and work on you. You're amazing and I'llkeep telling you that whether you want to hear it or not! Suggestions on building an amazing inner world:(I have no affiliation with these sites, just love em')
http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=MVoKg&m=1oHmZRTOT041MC&b=rgSgdoM4PwPH1fvKz_pQvQ
http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=MVoKg&m=1oHmZRTOT041MC&b=ascCONQeK2SQH8JdHvhf5A
http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=MVoKg&m=1oHmZRTOT041MC&b=BvUFtOeyE94F0Y_ZSN69mw
...............................
|
