A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I came accross an escort agency on my new boyfriends computer history, one year later its there again, he has had txt messages advertisine 'indays' from women and the occassional sexy picture on his mobile. His excuse is that it was his son using the computer but finally he said he was looking at the website but only looking. He said he doesnt know why he gets the txt and has been for about two years now. He hasnt touched me for two weeks (not unusual I know but...), he also looks at women all the time I have told him we are over but he insists I am wrong and I know instinctively I am write but I loved being with him, our kids get on great with each other and we have had a fantastic year, my life was perfect or so I thought. Am I write to stop seeing him or wrong, I also discovered he cheated on his wife for ten years but it wasnt discovered by anyone and I only know becasue we bumped into her recently.
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (25 August 2011):
 Have you asked him why he hasnt bothered to remove and or block the websites and texts?
How did he react with the reasoning that his son was looking at an online escort service?
Even if this was not going on..are you happy?
If you have told him that the relationship is over, and he insists that you are not....wait, do you not get a SAY in your own presence in the relationship? You have free will and are able to depart at ANY time you wish.
By the way, if he did indeed seek out an escort service, do you think he would pay with a credit card or cash? If you have access to his records, you could see if there were large charges or cash withdrawls around any suspicious dates he may have gone missing.
A lack of sex may not be a sign that he is cheating with escorts, but it is a sign something missing from the relationship.
A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (25 August 2011):
I agree, lots of things going on here. If there were a couple of things and when brought up by you, you got some honesty and could understand and reason it then it would be different, but when you are being lied to and him saying that you are wrong then that is a big concern because it's not actually sorting out what are obviously problems in the relationship.
The problem is, you know there are these issues, and without them being sorted out, you're going to become insecure and distrusting of him. You don't want a relationship where you end up snooping on him, whilst at the same time being denied affection. It's a total recipe for disaster and it will be you who ends up feeling hurt.
If you want to make this work you are going to have to tackle and understand why he is fantasying about using an escort whilst at the same time not "pursuing" you. Porn fantasy, or whatever, can have its place but not when it's at the expense of a real-life relationship. If he is in to you, he should be concentrating his efforts on you, and not on porn. There are obviously reasons for this which he has not opened up and talked about.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (25 August 2011):
 I agree....way to many red flags to be ignored. People who cheat never change, you will never be able to trust him and it looks like the 'honeymoon' period is over now his real behaviour and personality are now coming out into the open.
If it were me, I'd walk.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (25 August 2011):
 "I have told him we are over but he insists I am wrong and I know instinctively I am write"
You know what you need to do, you just need follow through. If you need strangers on this board encouraging you or agreeing with you to spur you on, I'll play along.
1. You found escort agency on his computer twice. He denied it, but then fessed up.
2. He receives text messages and sexy pictures on his cell and he doesn't even have en excuse. It's a "I don't know why" situation.
3. You feel the need to break it off with him because you don't trust him
4. He cheated on his wife
There is not much less to say. Follow your mind and leave this man and get tested.
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A
male
reader, HelpyMcHelperson +, writes (25 August 2011):
This is only working with the information that you have given us but he sounds like a slime ball. The man you describe seems much more interested in other women than he should be. Its possible his affair isn't something he would repeat but the escort websites don't really help.I think you are right to leave him, the way he has acted has made it very hard for you to trust him and if you can't trust the one you are with you won't be happy.Give it time and you will be able to find a man who you love being with, is great with your kids and will come with the added benefits of being trustworthy and someone who makes you feel as sexy and beautiful as you deserve to feel.
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