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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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I want to break up and not go back
Q. I asked this question and I tried to do it but I didn't succeed. I feel like breaking up with y boyfriend because I had gone into this relationship very very soon after my 2 yer relationship with my ex. Me and my boyfriend have been together fo...
A. 31 March 2012: It's never easy or comfortable to be the one to end a relationship...someone is always going to come off worse and won't be able to see the big picture.
If you have decided beyond all doubt that you want to end it, you have to tell him to his face... (read in full...)
Girlfriend got asked out by a guy on facebook?
Q. My girlfriend was recently asked out on Facebook by another guy. We have been dating for over a year. Her response was that she could not do "any one on one time with another guy because she would not approve of me doing that with another girl." I...
A. 31 March 2012: No not really appropriate but there isn't a lot you can do to stop her. You would hope that your relationship is strong enough for her to know that speaking on a certain level with other guys is not really ok.
Is the relationship good?... (read in full...)
I agreed to an open relationship, he said we'd talk about it once I was back off holiday but still no word....should I mention it?
Q. Ok, so I've been seeing this guy for the last six weeks. 4 and half weeks ago, he said he could only be in a relationship with me, if he had the chance to have sex with other women otherwise he wouldn't be happy in the relationship. so I said I ...
A. 30 March 2012: Why do you want to be with someone like that?... (read in full...)
Is this a game to keep me and three kids on a string, instead of us both moving on?
Q. Is this part of his emotional games? My ex and i have been broke up for 4 mts now. When we were in a retionship our sexlife was non exsistent, we would go months without any intimacy and when we did it was never intimate. We had a good xmas and new ...
A. 30 March 2012: Yes it's a game...
This is a man who does not know what he wants.
This is a man who has serious issues that he needs to sort out.
He has three kids with you but he shows no commitment. He withdraws sex when you are together but uses it... (read in full...)
Do men like to be chased first?
Q. Do men liked to be chased? When they're not calling and texting you is it because they do want to or they waiting for you to do it?...
A. 30 March 2012: I think they initially like to know that you are interested so they can feel confident to pursue you. Men can be super insecure and they like to know they are onto a certain thing before they invest any energy. If you pursue them, you, in effect, ... (read in full...)
How do I get people to be jealous that my boyfriend really likes me?
Q. short sweet and to the point : my boyfriend is extremely liked by many black females . he's mixed but looks black . i'm white . he's really good abt always holding my hand EVERYWHERE we go and good at looking me in my and communication . but ...
A. 30 March 2012: It isn't possible to claim someone like they are a possession or to put a sign on them saying 'Hands off, He's mine!!!' Relationships do not work that way.
If you hung round his neck 24/7 clawing at girls you see as a potential threat, it won't ma... (read in full...)
I don't like being a laughing stock!
Q. Dear cupid I am a petite person. yesterday my bf (of 2 years) told me one of our common friends was teasing abt me that how my how short i look when i drive, how tiny my arms feet look and how i look like an egg plant.... I asked him how he ...
A. 30 March 2012: No you arn't being sensitive. I don't think any of us would wanna be the butt of someones joke...especially when we arn't even there to defend ourselves. Your boyfriend did that typical guy thing, where he didn't wanna look an idiot in front of his ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex continue to try and hurt me?
Q. Why does he continue to try and hurt me? My ex and I split up several months ago he have children. It was I who ended it as he had not been a good partner. In the relationship there was no trust, there had been lies, he is an abusive man physical...
A. 30 March 2012: Why does he continue to try and hurt you???
Because you let him...that is why.
If you continue to let the BIG BAD WOLF in...then you only have yourself to blame.
Cut contact and move on because if you think this man still loves you after al... (read in full...)
Why did my married collegue keep taking off his wedding ring at lunch?
Q. Hi ! I just had a business lunch with a male colleague. During the entire time, he kept taking his wedding band on and off and twisting it too. It was not very subtle and a little distracting. What does this mean?...
A. 29 March 2012: I agree, it means nothing...he's probably just a fidget.
He wouldn't wear a ring if he intended to cheat.... (read in full...)
I'm feeling a mess, please help!
Q. Dumped almost a year ago , I never got a reasonable answer,(short term relationship), happily single for years before that. I didn't want lots of questions from family/friends in case it didn't work out (guess I was right there...)so said we were ...
A. 26 March 2012: You will think about it for a while but with NO CONTACT, there will be no new imput of terrible details to keep the fire burning and it will eventually fade and die.
I think you hit the nail on the head...keep busy busy busy!!!
The dog walki... (read in full...)
How do I get through this with my head held high? And what about the guy, did he actually like me?
Q. So this is the situation... I met a really lovely cancerian guy aged 27 through a really good friend, whilst out for drinks. We ended up going out almost every week after that as a threesome for dinner and drinks, for about a month. So one da...
A. 26 March 2012: Yep it's hard to get over the feelings of loss when you divorce and you will be emotionally vulnerable for quite some time. It doesn't mean you have to knock dating on the head completely. Maybe a better route to meeting people would be to join a ... (read in full...)
He wants me to put me on ice while he plays the field! Should I hang around or walk away?
Q. There is this guy I really like and we are good friends. I like him more than a friend. He got out of a long term relationship last summer. His girlfriend left him for another guy. He has been dating but isn't involved seriously with anyone. He is ...
A. 26 March 2012: You should walk away...in fact you should run...screaming if necessary!!!
Guy doesn't want you!!
Please take note of what the other aunts here have said...especially GRYMSOUL, because he would probably also tell you that it's one of the oldes... (read in full...)
How do I get through this with my head held high? And what about the guy, did he actually like me?
Q. So this is the situation... I met a really lovely cancerian guy aged 27 through a really good friend, whilst out for drinks. We ended up going out almost every week after that as a threesome for dinner and drinks, for about a month. So one da...
A. 26 March 2012: Hmmm Ok...
Firstly, if your friend didn't want you to hook up with the guy she should not have introduced you in the first place.
Secondly, you were a bad bad girl for entering into any kind of sexual play on a first date. I know thats diffi... (read in full...)
I'm feeling a mess, please help!
Q. Dumped almost a year ago , I never got a reasonable answer,(short term relationship), happily single for years before that. I didn't want lots of questions from family/friends in case it didn't work out (guess I was right there...)so said we were ...
A. 25 March 2012: It's really shitty and difficult to get over an ex so sorry you are stuck in this right now.
The ONE thing you can do which will empower you and remove your fear is to CUT ALL CONTACT...no pics, no FB or twitter, no word of mouth or rumours,... (read in full...)
Single, old and broke -- what to do?
Q. Hi, I am starting to feel like a bad person. Basically I am 31 and broke. I have no money. I work and have a job, but I have only been in it 2 months. I earn an ok salary, not great. mid £20's a year, which in London at my age is not great, but a...
A. 23 March 2012: Oh baby you arn't a bad person for wanting the money now...not bad at all...just a person struggling like we all are to keep her head above water in dire and extreme (yes DIRE and EXTREME)times. God what I couldn't do with 9 grand right now!!!
... (read in full...)
Why wont my husband have sex with me?
Q. i am married and have been for 8yrs me and my husband has not had sex for 2yrs. he is 56 and i am 49 for some reason i dont know why he wont have sex with me and i have asked him if it is me and he says no he just says it is him...
A. 23 March 2012: Maybe he has developed erectile dysfunction and he is too embarrassed to tell you. It's quite common in men of his age and not something they are going to naturally feel comfortable talking about but there is lots of medical help available.... (read in full...)
Was I wrong in suggesting that my girlfriend should use botox? She just flipped when I said it
Q. I know this will make me sound like not a nice person (to some), when in reality I like to think I am decent, and am pretty diplomatic. Thing is, my gf of 3 years is aging badly. I love her to distraction, and that love is more about her lovely...
A. 23 March 2012: I choked on my cup of tea when I read this!!!!
Good answers from everyone!!!
and to the OP....massive FAIL!!!!! Doh!!!!
xxx... (read in full...)
Too call or not to call a man after 3 dates?
Q. I met a guy out, and he got my card. He emailed a few days later and asked me out. Our first date went well (touching of the knee, arm, etc). He asked for my phone number but he didn't call until 5 days later. When he did call, he asked me out ...
A. 23 March 2012: I think he is playing it a little too cool to be honest. It's no excuse to say he might be waiting to see if you call him because you have been in touch by text so he is free to reciprocate.
I do know that men pursue what they desire and don't se... (read in full...)
My wife's brother's ex wife wants to "date" me if possible
Q. My wifes brother recently got divorced a few months back and I am in the process of a divorce as I speak. The thing now is my wifes brothers now ex-wife is starting to talk to me more and more. We had been friends in the past but never anything ...
A. 23 March 2012: I agree with chickpea, it's not wrong but I think you need to be a bit careful how you proceed because your divorce isn't even finalised and, if you have children, your wife might make trouble.
Maybe you could just build the friendship, talk to ... (read in full...)
I feel that I am one of the worst people known
Q. I'm a little unsure of where I should even begin. I am 23 years old and I am married to the most amazing person I've ever met. We've been together for over three years, and things are pretty much perfect. We both have decent jobs, a house, two cats, ...
A. 23 March 2012: We seem to live in a world of introspection and self analysis these days. It is everywhere we look and we are encouraged to believe that everything MUST be perfect, that we MUST reach our potential and that we are absolutely ENTITLED to happiness.
... (read in full...)
I gave him herpes, and now our sex life has died!
Q. After we found out that we have genital herpes, our sex life died. I am the one who infected him. He is still caring and we do kiss cuddle and talk about it. He cannot keep an erection and he has gained weight. He is always checking my hygien ...
A. 21 March 2012: How do you know you have herpes if you have never had a break out? Are you sure he's gotten it from you or is that just what he told you?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is bipolar and I'm constantly walking on eggshells around him, not knowing how his mood is going to be, from one moment to the next
Q. My boyfriend is bipolar, and i'm not sure whether to stay with him or not. We have been together for two months. When he is in a good mood, he is hyper, and he says he loves me, and he has bought me gifts, and everything is great, but when he has b...
A. 21 March 2012: Do I think you should continue to be with him...NO.
This guy has serious mental health problems that probably need serious medical intervention. He needs to learn how to cope with his condition and manage his medication so that he can function... (read in full...)
How can you treat someone that you plan to take on as a life partner, like this?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend 2 years, we just had a fight 3 days ago and he has not communicated by phone, email or text since, and he doesn't answer his phone when I call. I don't know if he's alive or dead. Now I know a lot of people will be ...
A. 21 March 2012: He owes you money, plans to come over to pay you then decides to go away with a friend?...Hmmm are you sure he even cares about you? He then goes off radar for a week and doesn't even let you know he's ok?
Why do you want to marry this guy?
... (read in full...)
I gave him herpes, and now our sex life has died!
Q. After we found out that we have genital herpes, our sex life died. I am the one who infected him. He is still caring and we do kiss cuddle and talk about it. He cannot keep an erection and he has gained weight. He is always checking my hygien ...
A. 21 March 2012: Did you know you had it before you had sex with him? Were you having a break out but still had sex with him?
If you did, then basically you showed no regard for his health and wellbeing. If you did not know (and some people have such a minor br... (read in full...)
I feel torn!
Q. I'm writing as i am not sure how my married friend sees our friendship. We've been friends for 5 years and we try to have a chat each week. If we cannot make it, we text each other. Sometimes he's a little flirty (never sexual), and sometimes, if i ...
A. 21 March 2012: You get the impression there is something there?
Ok say there is 'Something there' what are you going to do with it?
Have an affair?
Have a bit of no strings sex?
Have to start skulking around so neither of your spouses find out?
Wha... (read in full...)
He's just not that into me!
Q. I have been dating this guy for a few months and his interest level dropped for some reason a little. He still asked me out but it wasn't the same. I picked up the book "He's just not that into you" and I read parts of it everyday. I am believing ...
A. 21 March 2012: I agree with worldlywise, if he is still on a dating site then he is still looking. He has you in the net my dear but that doesn't make you a keeper and you most likely arn't the one for him or he would be pursuing you much more vigourously.
Men a... (read in full...)
FWB with you ex boyfriend...good idea or bad?
Q. friends with benefits?? good or bad idea with your ex boyfriend?...
A. 20 March 2012: Read this thread and all the answers, it might help you see the bigger picture.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-asked-to-be-my-fwb-i-turned6.html... (read in full...)
He's just not that into me!
Q. I have been dating this guy for a few months and his interest level dropped for some reason a little. He still asked me out but it wasn't the same. I picked up the book "He's just not that into you" and I read parts of it everyday. I am believing ...
A. 20 March 2012: Depends how you would feel if he rejected you again?
Before you even bought the book, you had noticed that at first he was full on and then something changed...this was the defining moment when you knew things wern't going to work out...no... (read in full...)
At what age do you think should people think of getting married and having children?
Q. What age do you think is people should start having a family? I have a 25 year old daughter, who is very accomplished, smart, beatifull, full of life....and doesn't want even to think of getting married and have children just yet. She is still s...
A. 20 March 2012: I am sorry that you are so worried about your daughter...mothers cannot help these things, but they also cannot do anything at all to change this particular situation.
I think choosing the right moment (if at all) to have children is a very per... (read in full...)
No mum, dad and the kids for this guy, he wants the single life and sex with me on the side!
Q. Why didn't he commit to me and kids? My ex and I have 2 young children together.we.recently broke up in January. We had only just began living together as a family as he had lived with his mum prior to this, she passed away and left him her home. He ...
A. 20 March 2012: Selfish selfish behaviour!!
I am so sorry you have gone through this. This man has had kids with you and was quite happy to share a home with you until his mum died. Then he saw the opportunity to have a life on his own and he took it!! He is ke... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is too friendly with girls on Facebook!
Q. My husband gets on Facebook and Ive noticed he's being a little to friendly to the girls. And I'm getting worried should I talk to him the demand access. To his page or keep sneaking on waiting for when he might mess up ive even thought about making ...
A. 19 March 2012: I am pretty sure in the not too distant future that facebook and other social network sites will become the biggest contributors to the break up of established relationships and divorce.
Most people who fool around on them with others aside fr... (read in full...)
I feel badly that I pushed him away because I was having doubts!
Q. Dear cupid, My name is stella,Please help me with your advice. I met this man online dating,we have been out on two dates so far.We seem to like each other and get on well.But on our second date i pushed him away,because i kept having doubts ab...
A. 19 March 2012: You had doubts so you did the right thing.The sadness and guilt is often not because we suddenly have changed our minds about the person we have rejected, but because we suddenly feel alone again after having made a connection with someone.
If yo... (read in full...)
How much time should I give her to get past a death in her family?
Q. I've been dating a woman (46) for 4 weeks when her younger brother suddenly died. She and her family are a mess. She's hardly called or written but when she wrote last, she said she wants me in her life but if I didn't want to wait for her she would ...
A. 19 March 2012: I agree with all the other aunts who have answered here.
You are being cold and callous, putting your own needs before hers and asking her for a date???...seriously are you kidding??? Quit being so selfish.
If you cannot handle the reali... (read in full...)
He asked to be my FWB, I turned him down because I want a relationship, then he claims to have feelings for his ex wife but got upset when he saw me kiss another man! What is going on?
Q. Hi everyone this is the situation, I met a man a year ago today, he had split from him wife nearly two year before we met. we agreed to take things slow then he asked me if we could be fwbs to which I told him no I want a proper relationship with ...
A. 14 March 2012: Why thankyou Sageoldguy :-) Honey and sovery too xxx
Do I think women will take notice of it???...
Nope!!!
We had better gird our loins, gonna be wiping a lot of FWB tears for years to come!!!!... (read in full...)
How do I stop comparing this new guy to my ex?
Q. I had a very intense year long LDR with a guy in the army and I finished it at christmas time. I was totally head over heels for him but I couldnt trust him and he was always messing me about. Now someone else has walked into my life and Im thin...
A. 14 March 2012: You just arn't ready to move on and nothing can force that. Your ex is no more, the only thing you are holding onto is the hope and fantasy that a life with him would have been perfect. The reality is that it can never be perfect because there was ... (read in full...)
I gave my crush a hickey. His Mom flipped. Now he will not see me. What should I do?
Q. dear cupid i just called my crush, the one who i gave the hickey to, by mistake yesterday. It was an accident. We both got caught in the moment I bit his neck and when we were done i looked at his neck and saw bite marks and a giant hickey. I pan...
A. 14 March 2012: Awww well just give him space and I am sure the incident will be forgotten in time. It's not good to go around biting people on the neck and as a girl, you will be judged if this happens so the best plan of attack is not to do it again.
Don't... (read in full...)
He had sex with his ex....we were seperated but neither of us had filed for divorce, so did he cheat on me?
Q. My husband and I were separated for a year. After the first 6 months we started to talk and go out to dinner and such. We do have a daughter together and we were only married a little over a year when we separated. We worked on things and he had ...
A. 14 March 2012: A separation is a separation and for most people it signals the end of a marriage (or relationship) and most people will move on to other partners in this time (because we are only human after all) even if papers havent been filed.
If your hus... (read in full...)
He asked to be my FWB, I turned him down because I want a relationship, then he claims to have feelings for his ex wife but got upset when he saw me kiss another man! What is going on?
Q. Hi everyone this is the situation, I met a man a year ago today, he had split from him wife nearly two year before we met. we agreed to take things slow then he asked me if we could be fwbs to which I told him no I want a proper relationship with ...
A. 14 March 2012: There is a very very very solid and golden rule that all women should have engraved on their hearts and minds. A rule so important and so legendary that it should never be forgotten and we should know that it has no exception.
This is the rule:
... (read in full...)
Do I hang in there or give up?
Q. I get close to a woman three months ago, i find out she has an ex she claims she cant get rid of, he is threatening her and nasty to her. See says she doesnt know how to deal with him and tells me she is frightened for me to so she thinks on a ...
A. 13 March 2012: Her life sounds complicated at the moment and she isn't able to move foward with another relationship. If you try to get involved too much, it's going to end up as a big mess.
I would back right off, tell her you are going to date other people b... (read in full...)
Throwing in the towel is never been an option if you love someone, or is it???
Q. I've been in a relationship for over a year. I moved 700 plus miles to be with this woman. We both come from long marriages with bad ex'es. We both have custody of our boys. Needless to say blending a family is hard. Please tell me if I'm being an ...
A. 13 March 2012: People like her deserve to be alone with no partner at all.
Forget being nice and creating NO Drama..Pack your bags and leave, you arn't married to her and you can afford to rent a place of your own.
I seriously don't know why you haven't done... (read in full...)
I have been paying for everything while he saves his money...should I leave if he doesn't follow through on his promise?
Q. I havent been wed very long but me and my hubby both work, we both earn about the same plus I have outgoings and he doesnt. The problem is is that I pay for everything and and its been this way all the time. before I met him I had savings. I could ...
A. 9 March 2012: Instead of leaving why don't you make a suggestion to him that you split everything 50/50.
He needs to be paying half the rent/food/utilities/house repairs and car maintenence costs.
If you have outstanding financial commitments you ... (read in full...)
Throwing in the towel is never been an option if you love someone, or is it???
Q. I've been in a relationship for over a year. I moved 700 plus miles to be with this woman. We both come from long marriages with bad ex'es. We both have custody of our boys. Needless to say blending a family is hard. Please tell me if I'm being an ...
A. 4 March 2012: Wow!!! She has good qualities?? Too bad you didn't list any because anyone reading this is going to tell you to get away from her.
Relationships require balance and it's hard to have an opinion on this because there is no balance here. There is... (read in full...)
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