A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a divorced man and met a married woman through ballroom dancing. She was my partner for a recent dance competition, during which I found myself drawn to her. She enjoys dancing with me, is flirty with me. We do a lot of hugging and holding each other by the waist. I have fallen for her and have recently told her this: yet, she continues to act the same with me. We conversed about it and she informed me that she is happily married and despite the ups and downs she is content with her husband who has been a positive driving force in her life. She understands that dance can spark new feelings and that I just need to keep these in check.OK, now comes the peculiar part. It goes beyond just dancing. For the past week we have stayed after dance parties to have deep intellectual conversations about life, philosophy, sprirtuality, expectations, living the moment, following your heart, etc. We have spent a couple late nights talking - til midnight. In these discussions I would attempt to break off the conversations, by asking her if her husband would be concerned about these late nights. She told me not to worry.Most recently I sent her a funny text about something we had talked about the same evening. An hour later about 1 am in the morning she sent me a smiley face. So I find all of this to be very unusual for a happily married woman.So here is the question: Is this happily married woman looking to have an affair with me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your posts. Let me be clear on my question. I did not say I was looking for an affair. I was asking if she was and not necessarily a sexual one. I do not want an affair. I do not like being secretive. There are alternatives to an affair that does not involve sercrecy. Also, there are other things that were happening and had happened; for example, in my own marraige, that I had not posted simply because I did not want the post to be too long.
Thanks again everyone. I value my friendship with her and will keep it that way :)
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (18 September 2011):
 Number one, she IS married and YOU should repect that.
Number two, she told you to keep things in check because her husband fulfills her.
Number three, if what you say accurate, I'd say she is helping to create an atmosphere that is "muddy" based on her original statement to keep things in check. This confuses you and encourages you to focus on what you want. At this point your morals are supposed to kick in and remind you that want you want is wrong and nasty. You are trying to justify your desire find a weak spot in her personal life and slip through. You are only thinking about yourself. That is selfish.
Number four, maybe she does like you. So what? She loves her husband and told you so. Maybe she is in between the "ups and downs" at the moment. It is normal. Get over it. What you are attempting to do is steal someones wife.
Since you are looking for a way to undermine her marriage, I see you as a wolf in sheeps clothing. I believe in doing the right thing soley becasue it's the right thing to do.
Example, if an elderly woman leaves her purse in the shopping cart at the super market, do you take her money? It's there for the taking.
Example, I saw a program about people who abuse and defraud aid organizations after disasters like 9/11 or flooding ing New Orleans. Is that OK?
People can be very selfish short sighted. People can be snakes and slither through the cracks of life without concern for doing the right thing. Luckily, most people try to do the right thing more often than not.
I am far from perfect but what you are attempting to do is just wrong. If whe is encouraging it, she is wrong too. That does not make your behaviour right though.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2011): I don't think so and she said so.She probably enjoys the attention, but that's it. She is happy with her life.I am married to a dancer (ballet) and acquainted with a lot of dancers as a result, including some who do social dance like salsa. It's pretty common for men to read more into the relationship than there is. In fact, one time I had several ladies ask me to tell a guy to keep it platonic, because he seemed to think that a sexy dance meant they were interested.It sounds like maybe you found a new friend if you can keep your feelings in check. Otherwise, she (or her husband or a friend) is going to come down on you eventually.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (18 September 2011):
 All this aside, why would you WANT to engage in an affair with someone who is married and belongs to someone else?
Where is your moral compass?
Are you out to wreck her marriage for your own self gratification.
Married, happily married and has told you to get your feelings in check.
She just sees you as a friend so you need to readjust your feelings.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (18 September 2011):
 When someone TELLS you they're happily married and request you to "keep your feelings in check" then there is nothing to ponder. Maybe you should interpret that moment rather than finding "hidden" meanings in bland things.
You're dance partners and naturally more intimate than regular friends. Men and women CAN have meaningful relationships, conversations, ect without romantic attachments. You're falling in love and fishing for things that don't exist in the real world.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (18 September 2011):
 A happily married woman doesn't go looking for an affair.
However, a happily married woman is allowed to have friends. Which is what you are to her.
If you find yourself falling for her, then perhaps you should ask to switch partners. There's no need to mislead yourself into thinking you can have more with your dancing partner.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (18 September 2011):
 "she informed me that she is happily married and despite the ups and downs she is content with her husband who has been a positive driving force in her life. She understands that dance can spark new feelings and that I just need to keep these in check."
That's a pretty mature but direct shut-down.
You're reading too much into a smiley face, so I think there's a fair chance that you're reading too much into everything else she does as well.
You've got a good friend, a good connection and a good dance partner... so it ain't all bad :)
(not a come-on :P)
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