A
female
age
36-40,
*razylady
writes:So I've been married for 7 months now, still fresh! And me and my hubby are very much in love. We have been officially dating for 2 years now last week. We had a talk after we were married that wed still celebrate our dating anniversary as well as our married anniversary, since holidays and other stuff isint realy our thing. So since our dating anniversary was last week I've been planning his gift. Sorry its long..He reminded me every day how our anniversary was coming up so it made me happy knowing he remembers and is acknowledging it. I ended up going throw hell n back to get him an amazing gift ( snowblower) very expensive! I did not give him a card cuz I've realized that he's not into that considering our past anniversarys he didn't get me one. Or a gift for that matter, I actully had to tell him what I wanted for him to give me that cash to get it myself, not what I expected considering his gift should be somthing that is thoughtful and comes from his heart but w.e there not as emotional as women. I was mad but I held it in, considering money isint an object.Anywhos as you probably figured I got nothing, no flowers,candy,cards,gifts nada..I made him a fancy dinner with candils and put a sexy outfit on for later, but that later he fell asleep, so I had to wake him up to do it with him but nothing happend to either of us so we gave up n went to bed. It's a couple days now n still no gift or no mention how he feels bad that I got him somthing n he didn't do anything.. I mean when we first started dating he'd give me a gift like every month and actully told me to expect somthing every month, obviously that did not last long lol but once the anniversary came it was nothing.. I figured since we talked about celebrating it after we got married it would change. But it hasint so now I'm nervous he won't do anything for our actull 1 year..I havint mentioned I was mad cuz I dnt want to look selfish like oh I got u a gift so weres mine, and since we discussed it, why should I bring it up again, I mean what part of that conversation did he not understand? I get you have to tell them cuz they can't read your mind, but honestly? If you love the person everything you do is because you wanted to and u thought of it, not me mentioning it and tell you , its like if u tell them what you want they get the easy way out, its not that hard to actully buy somthing I mean flowers would be nice to, he even did flowers for my bday so what's up! You guys think I should talk about it again or just let it go n not do anything for our 1st anniversary being married, maybe I'm expecting to much? Y did he agree with celebrating, reminding me of our anniversary, telling me happy anniversary n then doing nothing? I'm confused...
View related questions:
anniversary, flowers, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, crazylady +, writes (12 September 2011):
crazylady is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx for the help! I'll deff talk to him... When I gave him the gift he was extremely excited n happy. He thanked me and asked me how I got it hear consider the size of it, he enjoyed my story. I'd say he probably felt akward as well since he didn't do anything for me, he probably just wanted to ignoor it cuz he was embarrised.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 September 2011):
 Now is the time to sit him down and talk to him. Tell him your expectations. Men (and most women) are not mind readers. He might be super proud that he actually REMEMBERED the date and if you don't tell him he will come to believe that you are just fine with that.
You two need to sit down and figure out an amount to spend on various "holiday" gifts. That way neither will be dissapointed or feel that they have to one-up their own partner constantly.
And I agree with chigirl.. Anniversary sex really is bogus. .
Personally I don't expect gifts for anniversaries - a card though, I do. Thankfully my husband spoils me often enough for no apperent reason and I do the same for him. That works for us. We don't really celebrate Valentine's Day either. Thinking about your spouse and how much you care & love them should be 365 days a year :)
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (12 September 2011):
 I agree with chigirl, you need to speak up and tell him what you want and expect. Men like direct orders.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): Can I just say, it isn't just men. Even after 8 years with my now-ex I would still leave a little note, or a card, or bring home some flowers on the anniversary of the day we got together. Or the day we moved in together. She never ever remembered these things. And it used to upset me. We weren't married, so didn't have a wedding anniversary to mark. I just had to accept that some people aren't hardwired in the same way and don't hold the same value in anniversaries as others.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): not getting you a gift is one thing, but if he didn't feel the least bit awkward that you got him one while he was empty handed, now that's something that I would consider worse. how did he accept your gift? Did he apologize for not having gotten you one too? although maybe the reason that he still didn't get you a gift even in the days after is precisely because he felt embarrassed so he felt that to give you a belated gift is somehow re-living that embarrassment. He just wants to move on with things as normal whereas if he got you a belated gift it just rubs in everyone's face again how he forgot about it the first time around.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 September 2011):
 You have to put him on the spot and ask him very bluntly. "Why didn't you get me anything for the anniversary?"
When it comes to men, at least how I view them, they can make you expect things. Like your husband, who asked about the anniversary everyday, who at the beginning of your relationship told you to expect something every month... They do these things, and then ... nothing. Why? To my experience they just had no idea they were building up expectations. They don't know. I don't want to be rude and call it stupidity, but this thing has had me in fury a few times myself. I mean come on, it is so obvious (to every woman at least) that we'd expect something when they go about and announce the event!
You have to explain the logic to them though, unless they're a natural at connecting one thought to another. See that's the problem with these types of men, they are simple minded. They keep one thought in their heads at a time. While women connect things. This means, sadly, that when your man announced the anniversary, and reminded you of it, THAT was the entire point. There were no hidden agenda, no point to it, other than the announcement itself. He probably felt proud that he could remember the date, and wanted to show you how good he is at remembering it! And that's it! Nothing else!
While the woman, who connects several thoughts together, will think that he announces this for a reason. That his announcement will lead to something else, to more, to a gift for example.
With his past history of anniversary-giftings I don't see why you're surprised though. He gave you money to buy your own gift last time. After you asked about it. Clearly, the concept of gifting isn't something he understands or appreciates.
There's two things I'd do if I were in your shoes.
1. Don't buy him expensive gifts, and don't bother doing extra's when it comes to gifts, because you will just feel resentful towards him. How did he react when you presented his gift by the way? What did he say, what he surprised and happy? Maybe later down the road you can start to gift again, but for now, take it slow, and either don't get him any special gifts or just give him something small and minor with little effort. (ps. anniversary sex is bogus. Do it when you're in the mood, doing it on command takes away all the fun).
2. Tell him that you, as a woman, expect gifts on your anniversaries, birthdays and Christmases. Tell him it doesn't have to be much, but a card and a wrapped in gift is a must. Even if it's just a box of chocolates. Or flowers, or a scented candle. Any gift will do. But he'll have to go and buy it himself, have it wrapped up, and presented with a card. You expect this even if he doesn't get a gift in return from you (I honestly don't think he cares about receiving gifts, the way you treat others is usually a good indicator of how you want to be treated yourself).
Speak up woman! This man needs to hear it black on white.
...............................
|
